Marik's Boring Day
by silver-dagger-113
Summary: Marik's bored. He has the Millennium Rod. Let's see what madness ensues...Fear the wrath of Marik's boredom! ShounenAi
1. The Dangers of Boredom

This is dedicated to the many people who just won't give up on this story! Yeah, everyone who kept re-reading it even after it kept getting banned. Which it won't from now on…coughatleastIhopenotcough. Also, I'd like to dedicate this to the administrators here at You'll never be rid of me, no. I'll see this fic through to the end this time, without getting it banned!

_You can push me out the window,  
__I'll just get back up.  
__You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck  
__And I won't give a f---.  
__You can hang me like a slave,  
__I'll go underground.  
__You can run me over with your 18 wheeler truck,  
__But you can't keep me down.  
_-18 Wheeler Truck, Pink (Didn't write it, don't own it)

Disclaimer: I do not, will not, nor will I ever own Yu-Gi-Oh. Boy, that was depressing…

Let's try this again. On with the madness…

---Chapter 1: Boredom can be a very dangerous thing, especially if you're a certain CEO with a certain Millennium Rod Wielding Psycho in your house…---

It was a seemingly perfect day in the city of Domino. The sun was shining clear and bright, the sky was a cloud-free screen of blue, and the many various skyscrapers and buildings winked the reflection of the sun onto the numerous children playing tag in the park. It would have been a perfect day if not for one thing…

…Marik Ishtar was bored…

The bronze Egyptian stalked the streets of the city, stopping to scare small children whenever the opportunity arose. But this was not amusement enough for the Millennium Rod wielding teen. And he was getting quite tired of being struck by little old ladies brandishing oversized purses.

"Take that!" shouted one particularly feisty granny swinging a large red purse after Marik had succeeded in frightening her grandson into tears. "What's wrong with you young people today?!"

"I'm bored!" whined the jewelry clad boy as he was assaulted, the sun glinting off his many bracelets and earrings; managing to temporarily blind the woman and provide Marik with his chance to escape. After he had run a block, he stopped and brushed sandy blond hair from his violet eyes. Suddenly, the light switch in his head flicked on! At first, nothing happened and the idea light bulb remained dark. The one who flicked the switch called for maintenance, who made their way up from the stomach where they had been digesting a hamburger, and screwed in the light bulb. After which, they promptly scolded the flicker-of-the-switch for calling them up for something so minor and returned to the stomach. But that's not important. What's important is that the light bulb finally lit up and Marik thought of a fun way to pass the time.

"I just thought of a fun way to pass the time!" he shouted, waving his Millenium Rod around in excitement and almost George the imaginary friend's eye out. "I'll go around and make people into mindslaves using my Millennium Rod!" Again, he swung the Rod, this time hitting George in the back of the head, surely causing brain damage.

As the imaginary paramedics loaded George into the imaginary ambulance, a voice behind Marik growled quite coldly, "What are you doing in my house?"

Marik jumped and spun around, doing a decent impression of a frightened deer in the headlights of an oncoming 18 wheeler truck. Only, instead of headlights, he found himself looking into a pair of deep blue eyes, brown bangs hanging heavily above them. "Huh? Oh, I guess I accidentally walked into Kaiba's house."

The tall CEO known as Seto Kaiba tossed his head. His long white trench coat began billowing out behind him, despite the fact that there was no wind at all. "No," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "do you really think so?"

Marik placed a finger to his lips and raised his eyes skyward. "Uh…Sometimes…"

A large, shiny sweatdrop appeared on the side of Kaiba's head.

Marik ignored him. "Now, on with my evil plan!" he shouted as he yet again started swinging his Millennium Rod around. "Wheeeeeeeeee! Mindslaves!"

There was a loud "Thump!" followed by a cry of "Ouch!" as Kaiba was hit in the head with said Millennium Item and knocked into a state of unconsciousness. He then hit the floor with a painfully noisy "Thud."

"What was that you just said?" Marik asked when he heard the strange comic book sound effects. "Kaiba?" The young CEO was nowhere in sight. "Kaaaaaiiiibaaaaa?? Now where did that CEO go?" Taking a step forward, Marik trips on something. Looking down, he realized it was Kaiba. "Oh! There you are!" he shouted in happiness at finding the object of his searching. "Wait…" It then dawned at him that it could have been he who had rendered the tall brunette into such a state. Upon realizing this, he could think of only one thing to say. "Oops…"

"Oh, hey Marik!" greeted a voice from behind him.

Again, the wielder of the Millennium Rod did a fair impersionation of a deer: eyes wide, body stiff, tail up. Well, had he a tail, it would have been up. "Hi," he said weakly after realizing it was only Yugi's friend Jonouchi.

"Have you seen Kaiba?" the blond asked, his voice thick with a Brooklyn accent, even though Brooklyn was many miles away and he had never once been there in his life. "I came here for my daily taunting."

"Uhh…Daily taunting?"

"Yeah, you know. Getting called things like dueling monkey, third-rate0duelist, barking Chiuahuah…and basically any other doggy names Kaiba can think up." He gave Marik a searching look. "Haven't you ever seen the show?"

"Huh?" Marik asked blankly. "Show? What do you mean? We aren't on that magic black box thing…" he said, referring to the TV, a modern day invention that hadn't made it down to the tombs of Egypt yet.

A large sweatdrop, very similar to the one previously seen on Seto Kaiba, appeared on the side of Jonouchi's head. "Sheltered little Tomb Keeper…" he mumbled. Finally, the blond noticed Kaiba's still body sprawled out at Marik's feet. "AH!" he yelled, jumping back. "What did you do to Kaiba?!"

Marik's eyes went wide as he tried, and failed, to assume a look og shocked innocence. "What?" he shouted. "I don't know what you're talking about! You can't prove anything! I didn't do it, I swear! I was framed, I tell you! FRAMED!!!!"

Jonouchi only shrugged. "Ok, I believe you." And with that, the perhaps not too bright blond walked off.

The blond Egyptian let out a breath. "Phew, that was close. Now, what to do with the body?"

All of a sudden, Marik heard a groan come from Kaiba's body! "Groan."

Marik jumped back! "He lives!" he shouted to no one in particular, which is good, considering he was alone in the great big gigantamongous Kaiba mansion, which was conveniently guard-free because of the National Guard's Day Off holiday.

Again, Kaiba groaned. "Groan."

"Yes, you said that already," Marik said, a bit impatiently.

"Groan."

"Ok, I get the picture, you're in pain! Just shut up about it already!"

To Marik's surprise, Kaiba stood up and obeyed this shouted command. "Yes, master," he said, sounding very much like he was asleep.

Marik paused to consider this last remark. He then realized his mouth was hanging open and closed it with an audible snap of his teeth. "Huh?" he wondered aloud. "Master? Why's he calling me that?" The screen then pauses.

A man then rides by on a small pony with a scribbled message clutched in his hand. He rides hard and fast for a few blocks before turning sharply into a large building labeled "Flashback Department." He rides up to the front desk and hands the piece of paper to the secretary. The secretary reads the note, which is asking for a flashback, and points the man to the elevator. The man thanks her and rides into the elevator.

A few floors up, the elevator door opens and the man rides out on his pony. He walks his equine friend up to the desk on this level and talks to the secretary, who looks just like the secretary on the first floor. She then gives the man a pile of paperwork that one must fill out to request a flashback. He fills out the paperwork and hands them to the secretary, who just happens to be named Joy and hates her job because her real passion in life is with Pokemon, but that's not important. After waiting for what felt like ages, the man is handed a tape labeled "Kaiba-Ow!" Quickly, he runs to a TV and jams the tape in a VCR.

The screen gets all squiggly and relaxing music plays. On the tv, there can be seen the very same man at a Christmas party. He seems drunk. He is standing on a table singing the theme song to Pokemon…

"Whoops!" The man quickly hits the fast-forward button. "Heh heh heh…Wrong part of the tape…There!" He hits the play button. Again, the screen gets all squiggly and the music plays. On the screen, Marik is waving his Millennium Rod. Kaiba gets hit in the head with said Millennium Item and is knocked into unconsciousness. Marik realizes what he's done and says "Oops…" Then the tape cuts back to the Christmas Party, where the man from before is singing a drunken rendition of "Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow, seemingly having fun with all the "Whooooooo's"…

The man hits the eject button and stashes the tape in his jacket. "Well, there's your flashback, folks! Now, get back to the story!" With that, he whips out a remote and hits the Play button. Then he jumps on his pony and with a shout of, "Hi Ho Drumsticks!" rides off into the sunset. Or would have, had it been sunset and not the middle of the day.

"Umm…" Marik blinked, for some strange reason feeling like he had just been paused. "Riiiiight…Anyway, I think I just found a fun new way to make mindslaves!" And with that, he walked off, the sexy CEO following at his heels.

Meanwhile, Jonouchi had gone off to find his friends. Of course, it didn't take long to find them. Jonouchi had his friend radar on him that day and followed the signal all the way to his friends!

"Hey, Yug!" he shouted as he stashed his friend radar in his pocket.

"Hey, Jonouchi!" Yugi shouted back, beaming beneath his ridiculously spiked hair.

"Yup, we're friends!" Anzu shouted slinging her arms around the both of them. "Friends forever and ever and till the end of time and beyond! Friendship is good! Where would we be without friendship? Friendship!" She then turned away and skipped off, much to the relief of everyone in the area, probably to torment more of her so-called friends.

Jonouchi blinked. "Riiiiiiiight…"

Yugi nodded. "Yup, well, that's Anzu for you. So, have you seen Kaiba lately?"

Giving his friend an odd look, Jonouchi slowly said, "Kaiba, why do you want him for?"

"Oh, I don't know," the shorter boy said idly. "I just have this sudden urge to kick his butt in a duel."

A taller, more sinister though not sinister enough to frighten furry animals, version of Yugi stalked over. "You know, Yugi," Yami began hotly, "it's me who does all the butt-kicking. Every time someone challenges you to a duel, you always come running to me!"

Yugi just ignored his ranting Yami and kept talking to Jonouchi. "So, have you seen him?"

"Actually, I saw him unconscious on the floor at his house. Marik was standing over hi, looking all guilty like he'd killed him or something…Wait…"

"We have to save Kaiba!" Yugi shouted, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, Jonouchi agreed. "If we don't, who'll call me a barking Chihuahua?"

Honda, who had been standing in the background with the other less important, easily-forgettable side characters, stepped forward. "Well, I'd do that for ya," he said.

"I would too," Otogi piped in at Honda's shoulder. "If ya asked." He then proceeded to play with his ever-present dice.

A large red vein appeared on Honda's forehead. "Will you stop it with the dice?"

"Make me!" Otogi replied as he tossed the colored dice up in the air.

Snatching the dice from the air, Honda shouted a hurried, "Ok!" before running for his life.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Otogi shouted in agony. "MY DIIIIIIICE!!!!" He then ran after Honda, a dangerous glint in his brilliant green eyes that promised a slow and painful death to the dice-snatcher.

Closing his mouth (it had been hanging open as he watched this bit of randomness) all Jonouchi could say was, "Ok, that was odd."

"It really was," Yugi agreed. Then, shaking his head, he said, "Now let's go save Kaiba!" Grabbing Yami with one hand and Jonouchi with the other, he started walking in a random direction.

And so the spiky-haired boy, his ranting yami, and the barking Chihuahua went off to save their favorite CEO from the Millennium Rod Wielding Psycho. Now there was only one person left with nothing to do…

"Uh…Guys?" Anzu called. "Friendship? Friiiiiieeeendshiiiip?" When she finally realized that there was no one around to hear her, she stopped reciting her dull and boring friendship speeches and amused herself by drawing smiley faces of friendship of her hand with her Magic Marker of Friendship.

END

What's Marik have in store for Kaiba? Will Yugi, Yami, and Jonouchi be able to save him? Will Otogi get his dice back? Will the forces of friendship keep Anzu occupied with their mystical, magical smilies? WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE?!?!?! Oh, that has nothing to do with this…Sorry…


	2. Of PS2s and Random Dude

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me...

Previously on Marik's Boring Day...George the imaginary friend suffered a blow to the head, but looked like he'd make a full recovery, according to the imaginary doctors at the imaginary hospital for imaginary friends. But that's another story...

On with the Madness!

---Chapter 2: Watch out for low-flying PS2s...---

"Come on, we gotta find Kaiba!" shouted Jonouchi brushing long bangs from his eyes. He had to find Kaiba. If he didn't, who would insult him and utterly destroy his self confidence?

Striding up to his hikari's taller friend, Yami pointed out, "But Jonouchi, he could be anywhere in Domino by now."

"Yeah," added Yugi when he had finally caught up to them, cursing his short legs. "It's an awfully big city...For a city named after a game..."

"So?!" The two Yugis looked up at their friend's outburst and meekly stopped talking when they saw the fire in his eyes. "The pizza place Domino's is big too, but I can still find the bathroom when I set my mind to it!" Jonouchi said, raising his fist as if in victory. Yami and Yugi sweatdropped. "Anyway," continued the blond, "we'll find him!We just have to look hard, that's all!"

However, several hours later our protagonists weren't as enthusiastic as they had previously been...

"We...just...have...to...keep...looking..." Jonouchi managed to gasp out right before he fell to the ground in exhaustion.

"Ugh," said Yugi, who was leaning on Yami's arm. "Maybe we should just give up."

Getting up, Jonouchi glared at his shorter friend. "No," he said, the fire once again kindling in his eyes. "Kaiba needs our help!" With that, he started calling out the CEO's name. "Kaiba? Kaiba?! KAIBA!!!"

Yami, who had been standing quietly through this little ordeal that he had no wish to be apart of in the first place, decided that it was his turn to speak. "Jonouchi," he said quietly and slowly so the blond wouldn't miss a word. "Kaiba's a mindslave. He's not going to answer you unless Marik wills it."

"So now he's a mindslave?" Yugi asked, looking at his yami confused. "Jou said he was just unconscious."

"Trust me. I know these things. He's a mindslave."

Yugi glared up at his other self, an interesting sight on one so seemingly innocent as he. "You just want to sound smart," he accused. "You always have to be right about everything, don't you?"

"What? No! Shut up!" Yami matched his hikari glare for glare, an easy feat, considering he was the boy's dark half. "You don't know what you're talking about. This is Marik we're dealing with. Of course he'd make an unconscious and helpless Kaiba a mindslave. Who wouldn't?" Turning a tad redder under Yugi's shocked gaze, he continued. "Anyway, what do you know about being smart? You're just a midjet who can't duel. Every time someone challenges you, it's," at this point, Yami made his voice sound high-pitched and squeaky in a bad imitation of his hikari, "_Yami, beat this guy for me'_, or _Hurry up and beat this guy!_' I'm sick of it. I get no respect man. None at all."

All through Yami's angry tirade, Yugi listened patiently, quietly nodding every once in a while. "Uh, Yami?" he asked, once the spirit of the Puzzle was finished ranting.

"What?" the spirit snapped back angrily.

"You can stop talking in that annoying squeaky voice now."

"Huh?" The former Pharaoh had no idea what Yugi was talking about. But when he opened his mouth, he realized he was indeed still using the annoying squeaky voice. "Oh." He adjusted his voice back to normal. "Sorry about that."

His hikari stood before him, eyes even wider than usual, innocence radiating from their violet depths. "No, Yami. I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm afraid, Yami. Afraid that if I ever duel alone, I'll lose and be exposed as the fraud that I really am. Oh, Yami! I just wish that I could be more confident and brave...Like you..."

Looking into the eyes of one so pure and utterly adorable, who could resist? Yami never stood a chance. "Yugi..." he whispered softly, savoring the name as if it were sweet on his tongue. His knees shook slightly as he took a hesitant step closer to the boy, a soft smile gracing his lips.

"Yami." Resistance wasn't an option for the boy. Faced down by the slim Pharaoh, Yugi found it impossible to oppose the allure of the dark spirit. Nervously licking his lips, he stepped forward, eyes never leaving the crimson irises of his yami's. He gave a shaky smile back, wondering – anticipating – the actions that would undoubtedly soon follow...

"KAIBA!" Jonouchi screamed suddenly, breaking both Yugi and Yami out of their trance. (AN: HA! Betcha thought that'd be a Yugi/Yami fluff scene, didn't you? HA! Fooled you! HA!)

"Jonouchi," Yami growled out irritably, tearing his eyes from Yugi's. "We've been over this! He's not going to answer you!"

Shaking his head frantically, Jonouchi practically yelled, "No! I see him! He's right over there!" Jonouchi then pointed to an ice cream parlor across the street.

The ice cream parlor was small and a bit run-down, but it still had that homey feel to it. Built in 1967, it had been dispensing frozen treats to the public with a smile for over thirty years. But that's not important.

"Ok, my mindslave," Marik said to Kaiba. "I have a dangerous mission for you. I want you to take this ten dollar bill, go into that ice cream place, get me a hot fudge sundae, and bring me back the change. Think you can handle all that?"

"Yes, master," Kaiba replied in a monotone voice.

"Excellent," Marik said, drumming his fingers together as Kaiba began walking into the ice cream parlor.

"Hey!" Jonouchi shouted from behind Marik, causing the Egyptian to jump a few feet in the air. "Leave Kaiba alone!"

Once he got over his fright, Marik only smirked and walked over to Kaiba. Draping his arms around the lean CEO possessively, he watched as fires of rage burned in the depths of the blond's brown eyes. "No," he said at length, idly resting his head on Kaiba's shoulder. "You know what they say. Finders keepers."

The rage that had been building up inside of Jonouchi ever since Kaiba had been Kaiba-napped suddenly let itself out...in the form of a bad insult. "Give him back, you pink bellyshirt wearing freak!"

Though poorly constructed, it still managed to get under the Egyptian's skin. "Um, hello?" he said hotly. "It's lavender. _Lavender!_"

"I don't care!" Jonouchi shouted. "Let Kaiba go!"

"No!" Marik shouted back, just as loud.

Meanwhile, Yugi and Yami were standing in the background making bets as to who would win.

Finally, not able to take any more, Jonouchi lashed out and grabbed the Millennium Rod, which had been hanging off of Marik's belt. "Fine!" he shouted. "Then I'll save Kaiba myself!"

"No!" Marik cried, jumping away from Kaiba. "Not my Millennium Rod! Give it back, you dog!"

"Hey! Only Kaiba's allowed to call me doggy names!" Jonouchi yelled in anger, waving the Millennium Rod around for emphasis.

Unfortunately, Kaiba's head just happened to be in Jonouchi's way. The shiny gold item collided with Kaiba's head for the second time that day, once again rendering the young CEO unconscious. It just wasn't his day...

"Kaiba!" Jonouchi shouted, rushing over to catch his fallen rival as the Millennium Rod clattered forgotten to the floor. However, it wasn't forgotten for long. Amid the chaos, Marik snuck over and retrieved his Millennium Item, sneaking away while no one was looking. Except for Yami and Yugi, but they were too busy exchanging money to bother with him. Yugi had won the bet and Yami was always sore at being beaten at anything. The whole "King of Games" title had long ago gone to his spiky head.

"Kaiba, are you ok?" Jonouchi asked softly, sinking to the ground as he cradled the unconscious duelist in his arms. "Kaiba?"

The CEO stirred, moving closer to Jonouchi and mumbling in his sleep-like state. His eyes flickered open, dazzling blue irises slowly coming into focus. He looked up at the blond, vague familiarity creeping in, soon replaced by shock and punctuated by a yell of surprise. "Jonouchi! What are you doing?!" With that, he jumped away from Jou. Shakily, he stood up with as much dignity as he could muster, which admittedly wasn't much, only to realize that he had not yet regained his balance. The always imperious Seto Kaiba fell forward-

-only to be caught by a pair of strong arms from behind. "Easy, Kaiba," Jonouchi murmured as he held the CEO from behind, arms wrapped around the brunette's lean frame. "If you can't walk, chill. Besides, it's not like I bite. Well, unless..."

He left the rest unsaid, but Kaiba could hear its completion as clearly as though it had been spoken. _Well, unless you _want _me to..._ Typical tactless Wheeler. "Listen," he said, spinning around to face Jonouchi with blazing blue eyes. He pitched forward and into Jonouchi's waiting arms. Immediately, he pushed himself up, and though a bit redder in the face, still managed to look quite intimidating. "Listen," he said again, glaring all the while, "I don't need your help. Mutt."

Jonouchi only looked at him for a moment, face blank of expression. Suddenly, he threw his arms around Kaiba and buried his face in the trenchcoat covered shoulder. "You don't know how much I've missed your degrading name calling!" came his muffled reply.

Kaiba, who was more than a little confused, stood there trying to process what was happening. The mutt was...hugging...him. The only person Kaiba had ever really hugged was his little brother Mokuba. What was a confused genius to do in such a situation? Shrugging inwardly, he awkwardly hugged Jonouchi back.

Meanwhile, Yugi and Yami were still standing in the background, neither very surprised at how things had turned out.

"Had to admit, I saw it coming," Yugi said as he watched the two.

Yami, who was a bit more shocked than Yugi, stood with his mouth hanging slightly open. "Well, yeah," he said at length, "but it's still strange seeing it."

"Try reading more fanfics," his hikari replied as he took him by the arm and lead him away, Yami giving what could be called a longing glance back at the shrinking forms of Kaiba and Jonouchi.

And as all this was going on, Marik was walking quickly through the city, looking for an old friend...

"I'm going to find my best buddy Bakura," he muttered, gripping the Millennium Rod in clenched fists, as if afraid someone would once again snatch it from his possession. So busy he was guarding his shiny golden treasure, that he wasn't watching where he was going. He was brought back to reality very suddenly when he walked into an unsuspecting person.

"Hey!" admonished said person, a slight British accent noticeable in his voice. "Watch where you're going, you bellyshirt wearing freak."

"Why must everyone make fun of my shirt today?" Marik wondered aloud.

"Umm...Because no one likes it?" the person replied.

Marik thought for a moment. "Ok. I guess that makes sense." It was then that he took a good look at who he was talking to. Around Marik's age, the person had long white hair and deep brown eyes. "Hey! Wait a minute!" How had he not recognized him? The accent was a dead gaveaway! "Ryou?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Sheesh, it's about time you recognized me. What, did that pink bellyshirt mess up your brain? Or do you just not have one?"

Though Marik's mind could be a bit one-track at times, he could still think of a witty reply to this insult on his intelligence. "Excuse me," he said exasperatedly, "it's lavender." Ok, maybe not so witty.

"Whatever," Ryou said, clearly uninterested.

"So, have you seen Bakura?" Marik asked the white haired youth hopefully. If anyone knew where in the city the tomb robber was, it would be said tomb robber's hikari, right?

Ryou scowled, a frightening look on his fair features. "Last I saw of my useless yami, he was sitting in bed playing PS2," he spat.

Caught off guard by Ryou's spiteful attitude, Marik only said weakly, "Useless? Isn't that a little harsh?"

"You try living with that lazy bum!" he snapped back.

"Hey now," Marik said, his eyes wide, "there's no need to be snippy."

"I'll be snippy if I want to, damnit!"

"Ok," Marik muttered in shock. "Jeez, I thought you were supposed to be the cute, sweet, innocent one. It's always the quiet ones you've got to watch out for. I swear, you get more like your yami everyday."

Ryou fixed the Egyptian with a stern glare. "What was that?" he growled.

"Nothing!" Marik squeaked, fear vivid in his violet eyes. "Nothing...I...I'm just going to find Bakura now...Bye!" With that said, he turned and fled, never once looking back at the snowy haired boy.

Giggling, Ryou smiled his dazzling smile that made fangirls everywhere want to run up and glomp him. "It's fun acting like Bakura!" He then proceeded to skip away, no more scary than a fuzzy little kitten.

After bumping into a few more people and having his shirt insulted a few more times, Marik made it to Ryou's house. He ran up the stairs to Bakura's room and was almost killed.

"AH!" Marik yelled as a PS2 remote embedded itself in the wall where his head had been only seconds before.

"Ra damnit!" came an angry voice from within Bakura's room. "Why can't I win this bloody game?!"

Forgetting that he was just nearly killed by the owner of said voice, Marik waltzed into the room. "Hi, Bakura!" he said cheerfully.

"Ra damnit!" the tomb robber cursed again, holding a new remote in a vice-like grip. "Ra damnit!" He looked just like Ryou; the same untidy snowy hair, the same pale skin, the same lithe slender body. "Ra damnit!" Their eyes were what set them apart. While Ryou's eyes were wide with childlike innocence, Bakura's were cruel and cold narrow orbs of mahogany fury. "Ra damnit!!!" Though, Marik was seriously rethinking the innocent remark about Ryou because of their little run-in earlier. "RA BLOODY DAMNIT!" Bakura's especially loud curse to the Egyptian sun-god made Marik lose his train of thought. The train slipped off the track and into a deep dark abyss, the thoughts with it. Not that that was all that big of a loss for the Egyptian. (AN: I really do like Marik...It's just more fun to make fun of him! And that train thing...Happens to me all the time... -.-;)

"Wha?" Marik asked, a bit stupidly.

Bakura seemed to not have heard him. Or perhaps he was just ignoring his Millennium Rod wielding friend. "Curse you, unbeatable seventh level!" the enraged tomb robber shouted. "I'll show you what happens when inanimate objects mess with Bakura, King of Thieves!" That out of his system, the angry thief threw the PS2 out the window.

Our two anti-heroes watched the PS2 shatter the window and fly majestically through the air in a shower of sparkling glass before gravity took over and dragged it to the ground, much to the misfortune of Mr. Random Dude, who just happened to be taking his daily walk under Bakura's window. If you don't ask, I won't either...

"Ouch!" cried Random Dude as the PS2 fell from the sky and landed on his head, where it promptly shattered into many pieces. "Guess I have a hard head..." he said dazedly before falling to the ground.

"Gasp! Look what you've done!" Marik cried.

"I know!" Bakura yelled. "Quick, let's go see if anyone was hurt!" He then ran for the door, Marik following. They ran all the way down to the sidewalk to inspect the situation more closely. But when they got down there, it didn't look good...

"Oh no!' said Bakura, still yelling. "We're too late! The damage is too great! Dead! Dead!"

Random Dude sat up. "Well," he began, shakily, "actually, I'm not quite dead yet. I-I think I'll make it!"

Bakura glared at his accidental victim. "No, not you, fool. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the PS2!" He then pointed at the pile of plastic and wire, all that was left of the game system.

"Oh," Random Dude said, getting dizzy all of a sudden. "Well you kindly call me an ambulance?" He then passed out.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Bakura said, clearly not listening as he tried hopelessly to salvage the shattered PS2.

Marik turned to the unconscious form of Random Dude. "Hi, ambulance!" he said cheerily, clearly having misunderstood Random Dude's request.

"No!" Bakura shouted. "This is not good! This is the second PS2 I've broken this month! Ryou's gonna be so mad at me!" He trembled, afraid of his hikari's wrath. "I can just imagine it..."

The same man from the previous chapter rides in on his pony named Drumsticks. He whips out his remote control and hits the Pause button before getting off his horsie friend and pulling a tape out of his jacket. "Is there a TV with a VCR anywhere around here?" he asks nobody in particular.

"There's a random magic black box thingy that has one of those things that play those magic rectangle things that record stuff!" Marik shouted, pointing to a random TV and VCR in the middle of the road.

"Oh, thanks," the man answers before doing a double-take. "Wait!" he shouts, a hint of distress in his voice. "You're supposed to be paused!" He takes out his remote again and hits the Pause button repeatedly.

"Who in the name of Ra are you?" Bakura asked coldly.

The man gives up. "Crap. Musta run outta batteries. Now all my actions are going to be in the past tense."

"Why weren't they in the first place?" asked Marik.

He shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Who are you?!" Bakura asked again, louder this time.

"Uhhh...I'm the flashback guy. I handle all the flashbacks around here. I also do dream sequences, which is why I'm here now." He waved the tape. "This is your 'Ryou's Wrath'dream sequence."

Bakura narrowed his eyes. "I'm not asleep. Therefore, I'm not dreaming."

"Uhhh..." the flashback guy ran to the TV. "Not my problem. Just watch the damn tape." He shoved the tape in the VCR and stepped back.

A very nervous looking Bakura appeared on the TV. "Uhh...Ryou..." he began, his voice shaking. "I...umm...kinda broke another PS2...But..."

"What?!" an enraged and very scary looking Ryou shouted.

"Yeah, but I'll make it up to you!" Bakura said quickly. "I swear! I'll...I'll...Buy you a new one!"

Ryou glared at the stammering Bakura. "No," he said, in a deathly quiet voice. "No, that's it. I can't take it anymore!" He slipped the rope holding the Millennium Ring up over his head and held it before him. "I quit. I quit being your vessel-your-your hikari!" With that, he threw the Ring against the wall where it shattered into golden dust, destroying it and ensuring Bakura's demise. "Goodbye, yami," he muttered darkly as he turned away.

"NOOOO!!!!" Bakura cried as he began to disappear. "RYOU, I'M SORRY!!!!" His screams suddenly stopped and the screen turned black.

"NOOOO!!!!" Bakura cried as the flashback guy stepped over Random Dude to take the tape back. "RYOU, I'M SORRY!!!!"

Marik poked his distressed friend's shoulder. "Uh, dude? That never happened."

"Not yet," Bakura corrected him. "It will though. You don't know Ryou like I do." He shuddered.

"No, pink shirt guy's right," flashback guy interjected. "That tape was just you blowing things out of proportion. Quit overreacting."

"Shut up," Bakura growled at the same time Marik snapped, "It's lavender!"

"Whatever." Flashback guy got on his pony. "We have to be going anyway. The flaskback business is very busy. So I'll see you guys later." With his cry of "Hi Ho Drumsticks!" he rode off into the still not sunset.

Marik watched the rider's retreating form, tears forming in his eyes. "Bye!" he called, waving furiously. "I'll miss you!"

Striding over to Marik, Bakura grabbed the front of the Egyptian's _lavender_ shirt. "You shut up too! We have more important things to deal with! Like what I'm going to do about Ryou!" He shivered again.

"Well," Marik began, prying the tomb robber's hands from his beloved shirt, "why don't you just buy him a new one and hook it up before Ryou gets back and leans about your little 'accident'?"

Bakura, now frantic, began rambling. "But to buy a PS2 I need money. To get money I need a job. People in this era don't usually hire 5,000 year old tomb robbers from ancient Egypt."

"Well you could just steal one!" Marik declared. "You are a tomb robber, remember?"

The tomb robber puffed out his chest proudly. "Yeah, and I'm the best. Nothing I can't steal. And while we're out stealing a new PS2, we can set stuff on fire! Just for the hell of it!"

So the two psychos went skipping down the street, Bakura waving his lighter and Marik waving his Millennium Rod, to begin their quest to steal a new PS2 for Ryou so he wouldn't go all angry hikari on his yami's ass. In the meantime, Yami and Yugi have stumbled upon an interesting scene...

Yami stopped and rubbed his chin, trying to describe the scene before him. At length, he settled on, "Hmmm...Interesting."

"What is it, Yami?" Yugi asked once he'd caught up to his long legged yami, once again cursing his small stature.

"A PS2 was just dropped from a second story window right here," he replied smartly.

Yugi looked up at his yami. "How d'ya figure that?"

Yami grinned down at him suavely. "Well, there are many clues that have helped me to reach this conclusion. Remember, Yugi. With a keen eye for details, one truth prevails!"

His hikari rolled his eyes. "You stole that from Case Closed."

"Ok," said Yami shiftily. "So what if I did?"

"Just shut up and show me what clues your 'keen eyes' have spotted."

"Well," Yami huffed. "Anyway, there are shattered PS2 pieces all over this random dude..."

At that precise moment, Random Dude regained consciousness and sat up. "I'm still not dead!" he shouted. Unfortunately for him, Yugi chose that instant to yawn and stretch, accidentally hitting Random Dude in the head and sending him back to his unconscious state. "Crap," he muttered before blacking out. However, neither hikari nor yami noticed.

"...and that second story window is broken," he continued, pointing to the house in front of them. "See? I'm just as good as Detective Conan."

In the process of rolling his eyes for a second time, Yugi realized something. "Hey, wait a minute," he said, voicing his thoughts. "Isn't this Ryou's house?"

"Ugh..." Random Dude mumbled in his comatose state. "Long white hair...Pink bellyshirt..."

Somewhere else in the city, for reasons he didn't understand, Marik had the sudden urge to yell out "Lavender!"

"Long white hair? Pink bellyshirt?" Again, though Yami didn't realize it, Marik fought the urge to yell "Lavender!" "I've got it!" the Pharaoh continued. "Ryou's gone insane, attacked this random dude with a PS2, and joined forces with Marik! It's a brilliant deduction!" he exclaimed, raising his fist in victory. "I'd bet the Millennium Puzzle that it's true!"

"Hey, guys," said none other than the one whose sanity was in question. Ryou just happened to be in the neighborhood. Considering that he lived in the neighborhood, it wasn't that big of a deal. "Whoa!" he said, catching sight of the 'interesting' scene. "My house! What happened here?!"

Yami's mouth fell open a bit. "You mean...you didn't do it?" he asked, disbelievingly.

Yugi giggled. "Looks like you owe me the Millennium Puzzle, Yami!"

Yami sweatdropped.

Stepping over Random Dude, Ryou tread closer to his house, wondering what had happened. As he was walking, something crunched beneath his foot. Looking down, he saw it was a piece of black plastic. Noticing other pieces of black plastic and a partially intact PS2 remote, he soon thought of a perfectly valid assumption. "Oh, he will pay," the snowy haired youth growled in a low voice, his usually innocent eyes flashing with malice. "That he will. YOU WILL PAY, BAKURA!" He grabbed Yami and Yugi. "Let's go get him!"

The white haired hikari then dragged the two spiky haired teens to aid him in his search for the two PS2 murderers.

"I'm still not dead!" Random Dude shouted as the three walked away. None of them heard him. "Where's my ambulance, damnit?!"

And meanwhile, still elsewhere in the city...

"Umm...Ok...Jonouchi?" Kaiba asked cautiously. "I get it. You missed you maybe loosen your grip a little? I'm having trouble...breathing..."

Jonouchi, who had been hugging Kaiba senseless all this time, immediately let go and glared at the brunette. "Your insults..." he growled. "I missed...your...insults...Not you!" He winced and trailed off. It sounded stupid, even to him.

Awkward silence.

Kaiba was confused again. His insults? Much as he himself hated to admit it, his insults weren't that well thought up nor clever. His insults?! When Kaiba got confused, he got angry. His right eye twitched. (AN: I hate that. My eye twitches when I get stressed and stuff...) Stupid Jonouchi. Twitch. Stupid mutt. Twitch. Stupid...Twitch. "ARGH!" He lunged for Jonouchi, the unsuspecting blond yelping as he was tackled. "Ok, mutt," he growled, pinning Jonouchi beneath him and leaning close to his face. "You want insults, you've got them, you third-rate duelist. You couldn't hold your own against a five year old. You couldn't duel your way out of a paper bag. You shame the game. Your deck doesn't even deserve the name Duel Monsters." His blue eyes glinted in mirth as he waited for Jonouchi to explode.

"Why you-!" Jonouchi grabbed the front of Kaiba's shirt and rolled them both over, catching the CEO off guard. The dazed brunette found himself staring up at the blond, who was sitting on his chest. "That's it, Kaiba," he said, raising a fist. "You're mine."

"GIVE ME BACK MY DICE!"

The two looked up in time to see Honda and Otogi running by them.

"Give me back my dice NOW, Honda!" Otogi shouted ad he ran after the dice-thief.

"No!" Honda shouted over his shoulder. "Why don't you just go off and play with your hair!"

Otogi quickly snatched his hand from a loose lock of black hair. "Leave me alone!" he shouted, as he tried to catch up to the boy named after a car company.

Jonouchi and Kaiba looked off into the distance long after Honda and Otogi had disappeared. Eventually, they were forced to look at each other, thanks to their awkward position.

"Where was I?" Jonouchi asked weakly as he let his hand fall gently to Kaiba's chest.

"I think you were just about to hit me," Kaiba replied sarcastically.

Jonouchi leaned closer. "I never said that." Closer. "If I remember correctly," their faces were mere inches apart, "I said," their lips agonizingly close, "You're mine." He snaked a hand behind Kaiba's neck and breathed one word, hot breath breezing across pale skin, making the imperious CEO shiver. "Mine."

And as the two came together, in the distance, Otogi yelled something, something that seemed to fit the mood perfectly. "GIMME MY DICE, DAMNIT!!!"

END

Oh, the cheesiness! Ack, that Seto/Jou scene was...well, cheesy. Ok, the almost Yami/Yugi one too...I've never really written a romantic type scene like that. -.-; One more thing, I don't really know how often I'll be updating. I can be really lazy/unmotivated sometimes. So don't get used to updates being this close together! Ha. Well, I suppose if I ever got a ton of reviews then I'd be more motivated...(hint hint) ; Haha, kidding. Oh well. On with the traditional end-of-chapter rhetorical questions!!!

Will Marik's plan to steal a PS2 work? Will he and Bakura even be able to steal one? Will Ryou open up a can of whoop-ass on Bakura? Will Yami get reprimanded by Conan Edigawa for saying he was as good as the detective? Will poor Conan ever find those two men in black so he can return to his normal teenage Jimmy Kudo state?!?! Oh. That was a bit off topic...Still a good question though...RAFO!!!!!!! Oh, and while you're down here, drop a review!


	3. Villians and Eyepatches

Disclaimer: Nothing! Nothing, I tell you! Well, except for Flashback Dude. And Drumsticks. They're MINE! But that's it. I don't even own the imaginary eyepatches. I'm gonna have to thank AlterEthereal for letting me borrow those...

Previously on Marik's Boring Day...Bakura broke Ryou's PS2. Ryou wants revenge. And Jonouchi and Kaiba seem to be getting along better...Or are they?

---Chapter 3: Villains and Eyepatches---

Looking down from Kaiba Corp Tower, one had an excellent view of the City of Domino. The tower was the highest point in the city and offered a panoramic view that was almost awe-inspiring. None were allowed in the highest office of said tower except for Seto Kaiba, the young CEO himself. Strangely enough, it was not Mr. Kaiba that occupied the office now, as the two unconscious men whose job it was to guard the room would tell you, had they been able to speak.

"Excellent," said the man, facing the window. He sat in Seto Kaiba's executive chair, long legs clad in red pants crossed, arms resting on the armrests. Smirking, he flicked a long strand of silvery hair out of his one good eye, the other being covered by a black eyepatch. "Soon you will be mine...Seto Kaiba." He paused to cackle evilly, a maniacal laugh that began as bone-chilling, but soon turned to comical as he began hacking in the middle of it.

Once he had gotten over his coughing fit, the man turned his attention to the window before him, a huge window that spanned the entire wall. Looking down from his great height, the people walking on the street below him seemed as small as ants. He fixed his amber eye on three small dots walking faster than the others. Little did he know, those three dots were actually close acquaintances of Kaiba himself. Little did those dots know that the man observing them would be causing them trouble in the near future. "Soon," the man found himself repeating in his melodious voice. "Soon you will be mine...Kaiba-boy!" He cackled again and began wheeling the leather executive chair around the office, pretending he was a race car driver.

* * *

Ryou Bakura was angry. And not just a little. No, he was royally pissed.

"Break my PS2, will you?" said teen grumbled. "I'll show you. You'll pay for that...How the heck am I supposed to play Tetris now? You'll pay for that...In blood! Yes you will!"

Yami shivered. "You know, he's kind of scary when he's angry."

Yugi nodded.

"I can't believe he did that!" Ryou continued. "Again! You'd think he'd have learned his lesson last time."

"What did you do to him last time?" Yami asked warily.

Ryou raised a slim finger to his lips in thought. "Actually, I didn't have to do anything. He was so afraid of what I'd do, he didn't stop to realize there was really nothing I could do. You try grounding a 5,000 year old tomb robber." He sighed. "He apologized and begged for forgiveness. You know, on the inside he's just a child afraid of not being accepted."

Once their friend had finished, Yami and Yugi looked at each other. They were silent for a moment, apparently not knowing what to do or say. Then they laughed. And not just a little. "Bakura...begging...for forgiveness...!" Yami choked out between laughs. Yugi wiped a few mirthful tears from his eyes.

"Well," Ryou continued, a slight edge to his voice, "I did threaten to bust his face open if he did it again," he said, almost idly.

Yugi and Yami stopped laughing.

"We have work to do," Ryou said softly, stepping between them. "Track them down, Yami."

"But, Ryou," Yami began, "I'm not a dog..."

"Now, Inu!" Ryou barked.

Allowing a look of frightened shock to spread over his otherwise impassive face, Yami could think of only one thing to say. "Ummm...Bark?"

* * *

Well, as Yami was being berated, the two anti-heroes of the story were having fun with Bakura's lighter...

Marik thrust out an arm and managed to seize one of his friends flailing arms. "Ok, Bakura," he said calmly as he secured the tomb robber's other limb as well, "you've set enough stuff on fire...Enough people too..."

"AAAAHHH!!!!" screeched a man as he ran by the devious duo. "I'M ON FIIIIIIRRRREEEE!!!! HEEEEELP!!!!" And indeed, he was aflame. Quite an interesting scene, actually.

Pulling free of his blond ally, Bakura brandished his lighter. "There's no such thing as setting too much stuff – or people – on fire!"

Pausing to think, Marik nodded. "Yes, this is true. But what about our quest? Our mission? Our expedition? Remember, the whole reason we came out here was to steal Ryou a new PS2."

Bakura's jaw – and almost his lighter too – dropped. "I completely forgot about that!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide.

Marik sweatdropped.

"Come on," Bakura shouted, grabbing Marik as he strode forward, "let's go! But where do they sell PS2s?"

"Well duh," and exasperated Marik replied, "The PS2 Store, of course."

"Of course!" Bakura agreed as if it were the most obvious thing it the world, which it really was. "Take me to this PS2 store!"

The bronze Egyptian then proceeded to lead his pale friend to The PS2 Store. But before they had taken more than a few steps, someone much unexpected got in their way...

"Halt!" demanded the figure standing before them. Clad in white robes and a turban, he had blue eyes that contrasted sharply with his dark skin. A gold Ankh-shaped key hung from a rope around his neck, the Millennium Key. "Halt, I said!"

Bakura and Marik halted.

"I have finally found you," the man said, an Egyptian accent laying thick on his words.

Bakura fixed the strange man with an aggravated stare. "I know you...Shadi, was it?" At the man's nod, he continued. "So...You were looking for us?"

Shadi nodded. "Yes, I just said that."

"Oh," came Bakura's intelligent reply.

"Hey now, strange man that I vaguely remember from my childhood," Marik interjected. "There's no need to be snippy."

The man known as Shadi turned to Marik. "Is 'snippy' even a word?"

"Yup!" said Marik cheerily. "According to Microsoft Word it is! Some of its synonyms are: unpleasant, disagreeable, ill-tempered..."

Shadi sweatdropped. "Ok, ok, I get it. I bet you're really good at Scrabble..."

Marik nodded. "Actually, I'm the two-time grand champion of Domino City..."

"So," said Bakura, examining his fingernails, "why were you looking for us, oh turbaned one?"

The turban wearing man glared down at Bakura, his cool blue eyes locked loathingly on the mahogany irises of the tomb robber. "I trust you remember Duelist Kingdom and Maximillion Pegasus?"

Bakura nodded. Marik assumed a look of confused ignorance. "Uhh...No..." he said, bemused.

Ignoring the puzzled Marik, Shadi went on. "Well, as I'm sure you must also know, he had in his possession the Millennium Eye. Sometime around the end of his tournament, the Eye was stolen."

The tomb robber's eyes widened slightly.

Marik gasped before remembering he had no idea what they were talking about.

"And I have come to the conclusion," Shadi continued.

Bakura began inching away from the keeper of the Millennium Key.

"...that the one who stole Pegasus's Millennium Eye..."

He began inching faster.

"...is none other than..."

Bakura squeaked. Yes, the big, bad tomb robber squeaked. Then he did the most logical thing that came into his evil little mind. He ran away.

"Hey, best buddy, where're you going?" Or at least he tried to. Unfortunately for the tomb robber, Marik grabbed him before he had taken half a step. "Don't you want to find out who stole the Millennium Eye?"

"Release me, you fool!" the frantic tomb robber yelled.

"...Excuse me..." Shadi said exasperatedly. "I was in the middle of revealing the identity of the thief..."

Marik, keeping a hold on Bakura's wrist so his 'best buddy' wouldn't escape, turned to the taller man. "I'm sorry, go on."

"Thank you. Now, as I was saying, the culprit is..."

Wincing, Bakura held his head high, prepared to accept his fate with dignity...Or to kick Shadi in the shin and run off...Whichever cam first.

"It was you!" Shadi shouted, pointing dramatically in a Jimmy Kudo like fashion...

...at the wrong person...

Marik blinked. It looked like Shadi was pointing at him. But he didn't do it. The tomb keeper looked behind him, expecting to see the thief, but the culprit was nowhere to be seen. He looked back at Shadi, who was still pointing at him. Marik stepped to the right. Shadi's finger followed. Marik jumped. Shadi's finger moved up and the down when the not so graceful accused fell on his rear. Marik blinked again. "Me?" he asked in bewilderment.

Shadi sweatdropped again. "No, the person behind you."

Marik turned around again. "But there's no one behind me..."

"I was being sarcastic..."

"What?! But I don't even know who this Peggy guy is!"

"It's Pegasus!" Shadi snapped. "And don't try to play dumb!"

Bakura, having been standing confused in the background during this verbal exchange, couldn't help but snort. "_Play _dumb? Dude, you obviously don't know Marik."

"Yeah!" the bellyshirt wearing teen agreed. Then, "Hey...Wait...Was that an insult?"

Growing tired of the two, Shadi decided to speed things up. "Look," he said, his right eyebrow twitching, "return the Eye, or I shall poke yours out and take that as payment!" With that, he held up his index finger, preparing to strike the gold besparkled Egyptian in the eye.

"But I didn't do it!" said besparkled Egyptian shouted as he thrust his arms in front of his face. "It was obviously Bakura! He _is_ the tomb robber, after all!"

Shadi stopped, his finger and inch or so from Marik's eye. "You know, that really makes sense." He turned the finger to Bakura.

"Gee, thanks, Marik," the tomb robber said, sarcasm oozing from his every word.

Oblivious as ever, Marik replied with a bright smile. "No problem, best buddy!"

Bakura sweatdropped.

Sighing, Shadi interrupted. "As much as I hate to interrupt this...moment...I must. Return the Eye. _Now_ you fiend!" Lightening flashed in the background.

"No!" the thief shouted.

The lightening died down. "Well why not?" Shadi asked in a tone that sounded suspiciously like whining.

The tomb robber then took out a piece of paper with a list written on it. He put on a pair of glasses, even though he didn't need glasses to read and would probably end up ruining his eyes, and began reading down the list. "Ok, first of all, I don't like you. Second of all, I'm collecting the Millennium Items. They're shiny. Fifthly – I mean thirdly, you're wearing an eyepatch."

Shadi looked at him blankly. "I am wearing no eyepatch."

"...Yes you are..."

Curiosity getting the better of him, Shadi gave in and felt over one of his eyes. Coarse fabric met his touch. "Now how did that get there?"

"It's a good look for you!" Marik chirped in.

"Yeah...But I'm not done yet!" Bakura continued. "Fourth of all, I'm gonna send you to the Shadow Realm and take your Millennium Key! Ok?"

"What about my Millennium Scale?" Shadi asked.

Bakura looked at him vacantly. "You have that Item?"

Shadi nodded.

"Pfft. Scales? What a wussy Item!"

"May I keep it then?"

Bakura shrugged. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

A shadow fell across Shadi's eyes. "Very well then. You may send me to the Shadow Realm!"

Taken aback at this lack of argument, Bakura muttered, "Umm...Good..." and tapped into the immense shadow power that resided within his own Millennium Item. Then, with a flash of dark light, the Egyptian was gone, and the Millennium Key was resting in Bakura's hand. Turning to Marik, he displayed his prize.

Marik pouted.

"Eh? What?" asked the confused thief.

Marik made no reply.

"What? Come on, you can tell me," he cajoled.

"Well.." Marik looked down at his feet. "I wanted to send him to the Shadow Realm..."

Bakura blinked. "Oh."

A moment of silence passed.

"Well," began Bakura, "what if I let you send the next annoying person we meet to the Shadow Realm?"

Marik looked up. "Really?"

Bakura nodded. "Yup."

"Yay! Thanks Bakura!"

"No problem." He turned away, looking for The PS2 Store.

Grabbing Bakura's shoulder, Marik said, "Wait! There was something else I wanted to tell you!"

The tomb robber turned to face his friend. "Yes?"

"Since Shadi still has the Millennium Scale, he'll be able to easily escape from the Shadow Realm." He paused. "You do know that you need _all _of the Millennium Items in order to take over the world, don't you?"

Bakura's eyes went wide. "I forgot!"

Marik sweatdropped.

Shrugging, Bakura changed the subject. "Now, let's do what we came here to do!"

"The Hokey Pokey?"

Opening and closing his mouth, Bakura decided to let that slide. "...No...The PS2 Store..."

"Oh yeah!"

So the two pyromaniacs walked into a conveniently placed PS2 Store. They then proceeded to send a bunch of people to the dreaded Shadoew Realm and steal a PS2.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Bakura tucked the newly acquired PS2 under his arm. "Finally, a new PS2. Now Ryou won't kill me!"

"Yeah, agreed Marik. "Let's go put it in your house before he gets back home!"

The two turned to head back to Ryou's house, thinking they'd gotten away with their little scheme. The gods, however, seemed to have different plans for them...

...Seth, god of Chaos, observed the tomb robber and the tomb keeper from above. He enjoyed watching them, for they enjoyed discord almost as much as he. However, though he held more respect for the two than he did for other mortals, he couldn't just let them get away with no problems at all. No, it wasn't in his nature. So the Egyptian god hatched a plan of his own. He'd send some...interference...to keep the two on their toes. Yes. Interference...He knew two mortals that would be perfect for the job...

"...MY DICE...!"

The yell caught Bakura's attention. He stopped and looked back.

"What's up?" Marik asked, noticing Bakura's attentive state.

Bakura shrugged. "I just thought I heard some-"He never got to finish his sentence, for at that very moment, none other than Honda and Otogi came running by.

Running for his life with contraband dice and said dice's owner hot on his tail, Honda wasn't exactly watching where he was going. "AHHH!" cried the distressed brunette. "Watch out!!!"

In a slow motion-like sequence, Bakura shouted a long and dramatic drawn out "NOOOOO!!!!" as Honda collided with him, sending the PS2 flying from the tomb robber's grasp and crashing to the ground, where it became another pile of broken plastic and bent wires.

"Sorry!" Honda managed to shout before once again running away, Otogi still hot on his heels.

"Get back here, you dice-thief!" the dice-deprived, raven-haired teen shouted as he pursued the brown-haired bandit.

Bakura sank to his knees in front of the former PS2. "Well, it's over," he said, crestfallen. "I may as well just go back and confess everything to Ryou."

"But, dude," Marik protested, "The PS2 Store is right over there." He pointed across the street at said store. "We could just go steal another one."

Looking at Marik, Bakura said somberly, "We could, but haven't enough PS2s lost their lives today?"

After contemplating this strangely un-Bakura-like thought, Marik nodded sadly.

"Plus I'm getting really sick of PS2s," the thief added, sounding back to his psycho self. "Now let's go find my Ryou."

"_Your_ Ryou?" Marik asked, arching an eyebrow.

Apparently unruffled by his friend's tone of '_your,_' Bakura replied steadily, "Yes, well, he's certainly not yours."

Leaning closer to the thief, the tomb keeper asked with a sly grin, "Bakura, do you..._like_ Ryou?"

Bakura's eyes widened noticeably. "No," he said gruffly, avoiding the tomb keeper's gaze.

Marik snickered. Then, was struck by a random, but nonetheless interesting thought. "Hey, do you think they named the word 'snicker' after the candy bar 'Snickers'?"

Although grateful his friend was so easily sidetracked, Bakura still sweatdropped. "Shut up. Let's go." The white-haired tomb robber then lifted the Millennium Ring from his chest and held it horizontally before him. "Find hikari," he snapped at the item. One of the Ring's pointers pointed in the direction Ryou was in and Bakura set off with the pondering Marik following.

* * *

Kaiba and Jonouchi sat in awkward silence. After being kissed (and altogether felt up) by the blond for a minute or so, Kaiba snapped back to reality and become conscious of just who it was who was kissing him. He got a little spooked, finding himself in his rival's arms. Ok, maybe more than a little, if yelping then punching the blond in the chin was being more than a little spooked. Maybe he had overreacted. He glanced over at Jonouchi.

Jonouchi was nursing his chin, which still smarted from when Kaiba had hit him. His sore chin wasn't what was bothering him at the moment though. No, it was far down on his list of annoyances. What was bothering him at the moment was the silence. Had he scared Kaiba that much? Would the brunette ever speak to him – or at the very least insult him – ever again? He glanced over at the object of his thoughts and was startled to find a pair of blue eyes looking back at him.

Both looked away from each other, the silence becoming so intense it was almost suffocating.

Finally unable to take any more, Kaiba stood up, intending to go to Kaiba Corp Head Quarters and get some work done. Or at the very least fire a few people. That would take his mind off of his recent...distractions. But before he had taken his first step, a voice behind him demanded, "Where do you think you're going?"

Scowling, he spun around. "None of your business, mutt."

Jonouchi matched the brunette's scowl with a fierce one of his own. "Yeah, whatever, richboy."

"Cur," he mumbled under his breath as he turned to walk away.

"Boy billionaire."

"Mongrel."

"Moneybags." Jonouchi's voice was heated now.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes. "Sit, puppy. You don't want to play with the big dogs." He began walking towards his destination. Before he could stop himself, he threw one last insult at the already furious blond. "Stay. I won't tolerate a mutt like you following me home." Satisfied, he changed his mind about firing anyone today. Insulting Jonouchi was always enough to put him in better spirits.

Suddenly, he felt something hit him hard in the back and was introduced to the sidewalk very quickly. The sidewalk seemed happy to meet him. Kaiba, however, did not share the same sentiments as the stone surface beneath his sprawled out body. He realized that someone was on top of him preventing him from standing up, and putting two and two together, could easily figure out who that person was. "Get off me, mutt," he practically spat.

"Not until you apologize," Jonouchi growled from above him, sounding very much like the canine Kaiba so enjoyed comparing him to.

"I see nothing that I need to apologize for," the brunette muttered, struggling to overthrow Jonouchi.

Jonouchi held him steady, pinning both of the CEO's shoulders to the ground and positioning himself on the center of his back. "Nothing?!" he exclaimed. "What about all the doggy names?!"

"I thought you enjoyed those," Kaiba said with a sardonic smirk.

The blond's cheeks tinted red. "Ok then, apologize for hitting me!"

Kaiba tensed beneath him. "That was your fault. You brought that upon yourself."

"What?! What'd I do?!"

The brunette remained silent, but fidgeted uneasily.

"Oh," Jonouchi said quietly, realization dawning upon him. "The, uh, kiss..."

"_That_ was not a kiss," Kaiba said, shaking his head. "A kiss is short and simple. _That_ was..."

"Massive face-sucking?" Jonouchi offered.

"...Sure...That works..."

"So I guess I kinda scared ya," Jonouchi said sheepishly as he swung a leg back over the lean frame of the CEO, allowing Kaiba to get up.

"It was...unexpected," Kaiba agreed, dusting himself off a bit as he sat up.

Jonouchi was quiet for a moment. "Soooo...Do you hate me?" he asked cautiously.

Kaiba looked up sharply at the blond. "I've never _hated_ you. Hatred is a very strong emotion, one I preserve only for my worst of enemies. You are not on my list of enemies and even if you were, I doubt you'd be high enough for me to even think about wasting my time and energy to hate you. So just be content with your status as a mutt."

Jonouchi was ecstatic to hear that Kaiba didn't hate him. But by the time the CEO had finished speaking, the blond's trademark ire flared up again. "Oh, so now I'm not good enough for rich boy to even hate?!"

Kaiba stared at him incredulously. "There's just no pleasing you, is there?"

Jonouchi was about to reply that yes, there very well was a way to please him and if he was sure Kaiba wouldn't hit him, he'd do it again, when he heard a series of loud beepings.

Tilting his head, Kaiba asked, "What's that?"

"Oh, this?" Jonouchi asked, pulling a small black box out of his pocket. "This is my friend radar. When it beeps like this, it means Yugi and the others are nearby."

Kaiba grunted. "I'm out of here." He got to his feet and felt a hand on his shoulder. Slowly turning around, he came face to face with Jonouchi.

"Nah, come with me," he said, his happy-go-lucky grin finding its way to his face. "We're friends now."

"We...are?" the brunette asked slowly.

Jonouchi's grin got wider. "Yeah. Now come on." He grabbed Kaiba's wrist and starting pulling him as he followed the sound of the beeps.

_Friends? _Kaiba thought, confused. _I have no friends. _But he still followed the blond.

* * *

The Millennium Scales glowed brightly as they created a tear in the fabric of the Shadow Realm. The tear widened into a sizeable gap, large enough for a man to step through. Shadi did this now, Scales in hand, and found himself in a spacious office. As the gap closed behind him, light from a wall-sized window illuminated the room, revealing its contents to Shadi's dark eyes: files, a desk, a computer, and a black leather executive chair. He found his eyes drawn to the chair. It was turned away from him, hiding whoever occupied its cushiony depths from the Egyptian's view. But Shadi already knew who sat in it.

"So," he said, addressing the man in the chair, "we meet again, Maximillion Pegasus."

The chair spun around, revealing the man sitting in it. "Ah, Shadi," he said, pushing a long strand of silvery hair from his one good eye. "Forgive me for not being overjoyed at the sight of you. I was actually hoping to meet someone else here. Perhaps a few someones. Hmmm..." He trailed off, apparently in thought.

Shadi strode over to Pegasus. "And would one of those someones happen to be Seto Kaiba?"

Pegasus smiled slightly. "Why, yes. However did you guess?"

Uncharacteristically rolling his eyes, Shadi concentrated on the Millennium Scales. The Item shimmered and disappeared, concealed for the time being. Then, he turned his attention back to the man sitting before him. "And Yugi Motou as well, I suppose. You know, neither of them stole your Millennium Eye. It was the tomb robber, Bakura."

Pegasus nodded. "Yes, yes. I know, I know..." His mind wandered, back to that day at Duelist Kingdom...

Suddenly, the door to the office burst open and a man rode in on a pony. "Howdy," he said as he tilted his brown cowboy hat at the two. He then dismounted and walked over to a TV in the corner. Sticking a tape into the VCR, he turned the TV on. "The Battle for the Eye," he said as he hit play.

The TV Pegasus leaned forlornly over a desk, three soul cards staring back at him: Mokuba Kaiba, Seto Kaiba, and Sugoroku Motou. "I am a man of y word," he said softly. "I will return these souls." With that, he delved into the power of his Millennium Eye and released the souls. He knew that Mokuba Kaiba was waking up on the balcony above the dueling arena, his elder brother Seto Kaiba in the dungeon, and little Yugi's grandfather Sugoroku Motou in the hospital. It was over. He had lost. "Cecilia," he murmured. "I have failed you, darling."

"Oh, quit it with all the angst!" a gruff voice said from behind him. Pegasus turned around to see who had spoken and found a boy standing in the doorway, one of Yugi's friends, if he wasn't mistaken. Only, he seemed different...Darker...

"What do you want?" he asked bitterly. "You are the dark spirit of the Millennium Ring, aren't you?"

The boy nodded and stepped forward. "I want your eye," he said.

Pegasus blinked. "My...eye?" He reached up to touch his good right eye. "But then I'll be blind!"

The white haired youth rolled his eyes. "Your _Millennium_ Eye."

"Ohhhh..." Pegasus said, deciding that made more sense. "No."

The spirit narrowed his eyes. "Why not?!"

"Because I wish to keep it," Pegasus replied evenly.

"Well," the dark being strode over to the desk, picking up Pegasus's Duel Monsters deck. "Allow me to dazzle you with my card tricks." He then began shuffling the deck, tossing it around as good as any Las Vegas dealer ever could.

"Oooo!" Pegasus exclaimed in awe. "Wonderful! Where did you learn how to do that?"

The spirit shrugged. "You pick up a lot of nifty tricks in the Shadow Realm. Give me the Eye now."

Pegasus shook his head. "Nice try, but no."

"Very well then," he said pursing his lips. "I shall have to take it from you by force."

"Bring it on, albino!"

"You're one to talk. You can't be more than forty and your hair's already whiter than a ninety year old's!" He then waved his hand before the silvery haired man. "You _will_ give me the Eye."

Pegasus's eyes glazed over a bit. "I _will_ give you the Eye," he replied in a monotone voice." There was a sickening pop and Pegasus soon held the Eye in his hand.

Thanking the gods – or, at least George Lucas – for Jedi mind tricks, Bakura snatched the Eye from the man. Then, unable to resist the urge, brought it to his mouth and licked it. "Mmmm. Tastes like chicken!" He then ran out the door and jumped off of the tower before remembering he couldn't fly. Luckily, the Man-eater Bug caught him and they stowed away on Kaiba's helicopter and flew off into the sunset.

There, the tape ended. The cowboy man took the tape out and casually glanced at his watch. "Ahhh!" he shouted, running for his pony. "Drumsticks, we're gonna be late!" And with that, he rode off, his trademark shout of "Hi Ho Drumsticks!" echoing down the halls.

Pegasus and Shadi exchanged glances and tacitly decided to ignore the funny cowboy man and his pony.

"So, why are you after Kaiba and the others?" Shadi asked, continuing their conversation from before.

Pegasus shrugged. "Boredom can drive us to do strange things. I thought this would entertain me when _Funny Bunny_'s not on." He stood up and walked to the large window before him. "Kaiba-boy and Yugi-boy are much easier to track down than that little white haired spirit. When I find those two, I have a feeling I'll find him." He paused, as if considering to reveal more. Deciding to, he spoke again. "I've put together a little 'gang.' Actually, the first agent should be encountering Yugi-boy and his friends sometime soon. We call ourselves 'The Eyepatched Ones.'" At this, he turned his head a bit, his good eye meeting Shadi's. "Would you like to join us?"

Puzzled, Shadi felt over his eye. "Damn eyepatch," he muttered as he moved to take it off.

"We have a good dental plan!" Pegasus said quickly.

Shadi paused. "You don't say. Well, keep talking, Pegasus."

* * *

"Do you think we're close to finding them?" Yugi asked.

"How should I know?" Ryou snapped. "But when we do find them, blood _will_ be spilled!"

Yami shivered. "He's scary," he mumbled to Yugi.

"Not as scary as I am!" a mysterious voice said from behind them.

Yugi's normally wide eyes widened even more. "Uh...Why does that voice sound familiar?" he asked slowly.

"Perhaps that's because we've met before!" the voice said, sounding a bit irritated. "Why don't you turn around and look at me instead of looking around up in the sky?"

Thinking this a logical idea, the trio turned around to face this new person.

"Gasp!" Yami shouted. "It's...Noa!"

"Gasp!" Yugi shouted in suite.

Ryou, on the other hand, didn't seem as surprised. "Huh? Who?" Perhaps that's because he had never met Noa. Poor Ryou gets left out of everything.

"That's right!" Noa said, his freakishly green hair gleaming in the sunlight. "And now I'll prove that I'm better than all of you!"

"Ummm..." Ryou looked the boy, who couldn't have been much older that Kaiba's younger brother, over. "Is that why you're wearing an eyepatch?"

Noa turned his attention to the until now ignored by him teen. "Huh?" he then felt over his eyes wondering what the heck this guy was talking about. Sure enough, a piece of fabric was strapped over his left eye. "Oh. Well. Would you look at that? I am!"

Yami had had enough of this. He strode forward, towering over the boy. "So," he said, reveling in the fact that he was actually taller than someone besides Yugi and Mokuba, "do you want me to beat you in a duel first and then send you to the Shadow Realm, or should we just skip to the me sending you to the Shadow Realm part, since that's how this confrontation will ultimately end?"

Pausing to untangle what the King of Games had just said, Noa shook his head. "No. As tempting as that sounds, I think we should settle this with a different kind of game..."

END

Will Pegasus's plan to find Bakura work? What's Noa planning? Will Yami win? Why am I asking you?


	4. Noas TWISTED Game!

Ok, so I had to split this chapter up a little because it was taking way too long to write. I'm still not done writing it... -.-; But then I thought to myself, "Hey, self, couldn't I just make this into two chapters?" And then myself said, "Yeah, why not?" So I did. So the next chapter may be a bit shorter than usual, but at least this one's posted.

Ok now. On with the MAdneSZ!!!!

Previously on Marik's Boring Day...Noa challenged Yami to a game of some sort. Will Yami accept?

---Chapter 4: Noa's TWISTED Game!---

The former Pharaoh stared the green-haired boy down, his crimson eyes flashing in the sunlight. Knowing Noa, this game of his was probably a trap of some sort. Caution was the best road to take. But Yami's stubborn pride took the wheel, and danger and glory was the only way it wanted to go. Besides, it was a game. A game! How dare this child challenge the King of Games to a game! "What kind of a game?" the game king asked, interest peaked.

Glaring up at the Pharaoh, Noa answered simply, "A game I just happen to be a master at."

Yami scoffed. "Yeah, well it must not be too hard of a game if a short, green-haired, annoying-voiced loser like you can be good at it!" Mentally, he winced. Five thousand years had done a number on his ability to insult people.

"Careful," Noa said in a low voice. "You don't even know what the game is yet..."

"It doesn't matter!" Yami exclaimed, insulted that Noa would dare think that the type of game actually mattered. "Games are my specialty! I _am_ the King of Games, after all!"

Noa smirked. "So, do you accept my challenge?"

Caution shoved pride out of the way and grabbed the wheel. Yami hesitated, now having the sense to realize that even though he knew he could vanquish Noa, he couldn't put Yugi or Ryou in danger. "Just what is this game of yours, anyway?"

"I thought you said it didn't matter." Noa asked in mock innocence. Yami scowled. "It's a game of skill..." Noa continued.

"Yeah..." Yami asked, clearly annoyed.

"A game of will..."

"Yeah..."Yugi said it along with Yami.

"It's..."

"Just tell us, damnit!" Ryou burst out, sounding very much like his yami on a bad hair day.

Noa blinked and took a frightened step back. "Ok, ok, sheesh. I was just trying to build up suspense."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Ok," Noa continued. "The game is..." He paused, but when he caught Ryou's I'll-Kill-You glare, he quickly added, "Twister!"

Ryou fell to the ground with a thump in an anime-fall-down. "What the-?!" he said exasperatedly from the ground. "Who plays that anymore?!"

"I do," Noa said stiffly. "And as I said, I'm quite good at it." He puffed his chest out proudly. "So," he said, turning back to Yami, "do you accept my challenge?"

Yami didn't answer at first, seemingly deep in thought. Or he could have been sleeping. Both basically looked the same on the Pharaoh. But eventually, he did answer. "...I've never played this 'Twister' of yours...But it sounds intriguing...Alright, Noa. I'll play your twisted game." The game king immediately winced. "No pun intended there...But only on two conditions!"

"Name them!" Noa shot back.

Yami grinned. "Number one: Winner gets to do what they want with the loser. Meaning it's the Shadow Realm for you when I win."

"That's _if_ you win!" he snapped. "Agreed. What's the second condition?"

"Number two," the Pharaoh said, pointing at Noa. "Lose the eyepatch. It's kind of freaking me out."

Sighing, Noa removed the eyepatch. "Oh, all right." He threw the eyepatch carelessly over his shoulder. "Now, let's begin!"

Ryou sweatdropped. "That's it, I'm leaving."

"No!" Noa cried. "You have to be spinner!"

"Must I?" Ryou all but whined.

At this point, Yami stepped in. "Well, Ryou," he said, putting an arm around the boy's shoulders, "would you rather be a cheerleader?" He spun Ryou around and motioned to Yugi, who was in the middle of a very 'complicated' cheer.

"Gimme a 'Y'!" he shouted.

No one gave him a 'Y.' Or any other letter of the alphabet.

"Gimme a...umm...'A'!" he tried again.

No one gave him an 'A.' Not even a lowercase 'a.'

Finally, little Yugi gave up and started doing back flips.

Ryou's eyes widened. "I'm good with spinner," he said quickly as he grabbed the spinner that Noa proffered.

"Now let's start!" Noa exclaimed as he set out the spotted Twister map.

"Start what?" The four looked up at the source of the voice. Jonouchi strode up to his friends (and Noa), friend radar beeping like an alarm clock on the fritz and towing Seto Kaiba by the wrist. Dragging would be more appropriate, judging by the scowl on the CEO's face. He gave everyone a look that could sour milk before stooping to sulking. "I love Twister!" Jonouchi shouted, spotting the map as he slipped his friend radar into his pocket and released his hold on the recalcitrant CEO. "I wanna play! How about it, Kaiba?"

Kaiba scowled. "Why would I want to play this pathetic excuse for a game?"

"Cuz it's fun!" Jonouchi replied with a cheesy smile.

Kaiba sweatdropped. "I refuse to play."

"Come on, Kaiba!" Jonouchi rolled his eyes. "Quit bein' such a stick in the mud and play a little game with your friends!"

Blue eyes narrowed dangerously as the brunette wrenched his wrist from the blond's grasp. "I am not a stick," he growled, "nor am I in any sort of mud. And I don't appreciate you putting your dirty paws on me and dragging me halfway across town to play some unimaginative game." He turned away, crossing his arms over his chest. "I don't have time for friends. I, unlike you, have a life. And if I did have friends, they wouldn't be low-life mutts like you."

"That's probably because ya ain't got any friends, ya jerk!" Jonouchi shouted. "Jeez, I try an' be nice to ya, an' this is the thanks I get."

About to reply with an angry retort of his own, Kaiba was silenced when a calm voice inquired, "What's wrong, Kaiba? Afraid you'll lose?"

Kaiba spun around, cerulean eyes scanning the area to find the one so bold as to accuse the great and almighty Seto Kaiba of cowardice. After searching in vain for a few moments, the thought occurred to him to lower his gaze. He did so and there stood the owner of the voice. "You," he growled, recognizing the spiky hair at once.

"Yes, Kaiba. It is I." Yami said, smirking at how he so irritated his rival. "You are afraid, aren't you? That's the reason you won't play."

Kaiba's eyes narrowed even more. You'd think he'd be squinting by now, but no, he actually looked pretty scary. "Ha. That's good. Me afraid of you? In your dreams, Yugi." He stepped closer to his spiky-haired rival, towering over him by a good six inches. "I could take you down while knitting with my hands tied behind my back."

Shaking the odd mental image of Seto Kaiba playing Twister while knitting with his hands tied behind his back out of head, Yami also stepped forward, cursing his short height for making him have to look _up_ at his rival. "It's Yami," he said coolly. "And if you're so sure you can beat me, then why not prove it? Right here, right now."

"You're on," Kaiba breathed, staring unflinchingly into Yami's large scarlet eyes. Sparks were practically beginning to crackle between them.

Meanwhile, Noa, who was getting awfully irritated about having the spotlight stolen from him by his half brother, was beginning to grow impatient. "Hello guys? Could we get this started sometime soon? Within the next few years would be nice..."

Kaiba turned to glare at this annoyance and jumped when he realized said annoyance was Noa. "N-Noa?!? He shouted. "Where did you come from? The last time I checked, you were in that virtual world."

Noa sighed. "I always knew I liked Mokuba more than I liked you," he muttered. "How I came to be here is not important. What is important is that I want to play Twister and defeat Yugi once and for all!!!" He began to whine, like the child that he appeared to be.

Yami stiffened. "That's _Yami. _Jeez, you can tell they had the same father."

That's _step_father," Kaiba snapped.

"Hey, hey, hey," Jonouchi intervened. "Who cares? Let's just play."

"Right," Yami said. "Winner gets to do what they want with the losers. Meaning the victor may maim, injure, or in any other way inflict hark upon the others if he so desires it. Is that clear?"

Kaiba, Jonouchi, and Noa nodded. Yugi cheered.

"Begin!" Noa shouted. "Spin that spinner!"

"If I must..." Ryou said, clearly unhappy that he had been roped into this.

"You must!" Noa shouted.

Ryou sighed and complied. "Left foot green."

The four players then put their left feet on green circles.

"Yeah, Yami!" Yugi shouted. "You show the m how to do it! Open up a can of Egyptian Pharaoh Whoop Ass! WOOO!!!!"

Ryou sighed again. "Oh I wish that I weren't here." He spun the spinner. "Right hand blue."

The four players then put their right hands on blue circles.

Ryou spun again, this time without a sigh. "Left hand yellow."

The four players then put their left hands on yellow circles. AN: Yeah, you all know how to play Twister. Admit it. So I don't have to go into great detail while describing...

All of a sudden, and for no reason at all, Jonouchi lost his balance and fell – right onto Kaiba, knocking the brunette down as well. "Ah!" the blond cried as he landed on the young CEO.

"HAHA! You lose!" Noa cried gleefully, pointing at the both of them.

Kaiba clenched his fists. "Off, mutt!" he shouted. "I can't believe it! Because of you I lost...to Yami..." He said the name with sadness. He was always trying to prove himself to this strange and confident entity. Why, he didn't know. Jealousy, stubborn pride, desire to be accepted...Did it matter anymore? His blue eyes flicked briefly up to the Pharaoh.

His gaze was met by Yami's. Crimson fire and blue ice, their eyes locked and something passed between them. Exactly what that something was wasn't clear. Perhaps a mutual discontent for Kaiba's fall, preventing them from facing each other as they so often did in the past. Or maybe they were just glaring the hell out of each other, each cursing the other and sending them only wishes of ill fortune. None will ever know.

Jonouchi, didn't seem to notice this exchange between the two. "Hey, it ain't my fault I got no balance," he grunted.

The disgruntled brunette managed to push Jonouchi off of him. He looked up once again at his greatest adversary, hoping to see a remaining glimmer of what just passed between them. He was met by a cool glare. The Pharaoh had once again donned his impassive façade. "Kaiba," he said, looking down at his fallen rival, "I'm sorry you had to lose this way. I was looking forward to defeating you in a more honorable way."

Kaiba shrugged and turned away. "Whatever," he said, feigning indifference.

All of a sudden, Flashback Guy rode in on Drumsticks wielding not a videotape, but a microphone! He was followed by Random Dude, who was rocking out on an electric guitar.

"_Cuz this is _MY_ United States of Whatever!_" Flashback Guy sang into the mic from atop his fat little pony. "_Yes this is _MY_ United States of Whatever!_" AN: Yes, this is a real song. It's awesome! It's my new theme song! Liam Lynch sings it. Don't own, don't sue But before he could sing any more _United States of Whatever_, he heard a whistling should coming from above him. Flashback Guy looked up in time to see a large anvil falling from the sky. Its shadow was covering him, getting larger by the second. "Gah! Let's get out of here!" He kicked Drumsticks into a gallop and was soon out of sight.

Random Dude, however, who was still jamming on his guitar, did not see the anvil or hear the whistling sound, which was steadily becoming louder. Finally, the whistling got so loud that he was forced to pause his music making and look up. "Crap," he muttered seconds before he was squished by the anvil.

"I'm ok!" came the frail voice of Random Dude from under the anvil.

A second, even larger anvil fell from the sky and landed on the first one.

"Still ok!"

The six exchanged glances, shrugged, and pretended the intrusion never happened.

Kaiba stood and walked stiffly over to where Jonouchi was sitting on the ground, where he glared at the blond for a moment before sitting down himself a few feet away.

"I'm sorry," Jonouchi said.

Kaiba ignored him. Rather, he _tried_ to ignore him, but failed miserably when a hand grasped his chin and forced him to meet the blond's eyes.

"I really am sorry," he said softly.

Kaiba made no reply. He simply continued glaring.

"Fine," Jonouchi muttered. "If ya're gonna be stubborn, then we don't have to _talk_." He moved closer, making the brunette's eyes go wide.

The others, however, did not seem to notice.

"Now it's just you and me," Noa said.

"Soon to be just me," Yami corrected, a steely glint in his eyes.

So the two played for hours, at least that's what it felt like to poor Ryou, who had long grown tired of this "twisted" game. Twisting and turning in ways unimaginable, Ryou had to admit that Noa and Yami were two determined little buggers. Still, watching was rather boring. Luckily for Ryou though, a winner was soon to emerge.

Yami wasn't sure he could hold on for much longer. The little voice in the back of his head that told him when he had gone past his limit had long since gone quiet, declaring the Pharaoh and idiot and wishing him a nice aching body when he woke up tomorrow morning. But Yami felt like he couldn't give up. He was the King of Games, it was against his nature. He had principles, damnit, and no green-haired-cyber-freak was going to stomp all over him-

It was then that Yami felt himself slip.

"Ah! No!...Must...not..give in!"

Then he fell.

"Damnit!"

"I...win?" Noa asked in momentary disbelief. "Ha! I win!" he shouted in ecstasy as the news penetrated his little genius brain. "In your face, Pharaoh! I win! I win! I WIN!" The little green haired boy began doing a disturbing little victory dance.

"I lost," Yami said blankly. "Wait. _I_ lost? I can't lose! I'm the Pharaoh! The King of Games! It's law that I win! I CAN'T LOSE!"

Yugi, who had stopped acting like a cheerleader when the match had ended, stepped forward and touched his yami's shoulder. "Ummm...Yami? Aren't you overreacted...just a little bit?"

"No!" Yami snapped. He tapped into the expansive power of his Millennium Puzzle, sending the Item floating before him and the Millennium Eye of Ra to flicker to life on his forehead. A nonexistent wind began blowing, causing his coat to flap about him in an otherworldly manner and his blond bangs to lift from his face.

Noa gasped in horror. "No! You can't do that! I won fair and square!"

"Your green hair distracted me from winning!" Yami snapped as he sent the cyber boy to the Shadow Realm. "Haha!" he shouted when the nonwind died down, the puzzle stopped floating, and the third eye faded away. "How ya like them apples? Now I win, you creepy little cyber freak!"

Yugi gasped and stepped back. Hew felt something nudge his toe. Noa's discarded eyepatch. He grinned and slipped it into his pocket.

"Whatever," Ryou said as he tossed the evil Twister spinner of doom over his shoulder.

"Now as for you two," Yami began, turning to Kaiba and Jonouchi. He had thought of an interesting punishment for a certain blue-eyed former priest of his. However, thoughts of his elaborate 'punishment' soon fled from his mind at the sight of the two before him. "Holy Ra!" he shouted.

That certain blue-eyed former priest of his was currently pinned under Jonouchi, who seemed to be ravaging said former priest's mouth...and not completely against Kaiba's will by the looks of it. Yami growled, preparing to tear Jonouchi away from _his_ former priest. Thoughts of murder began filling his spiky head as his sight was filled with red. But again, Yami was interrupted before he could fulfill his plans.

"Wow." Yugi said, his mouth hanging slightly open and his eyes widened in shock.

"Yugi!" Yami wanted desperately to save Kaiba (though, by the looks of it, Kaiba didn't seem to care if he was saved or not) and to maim Jonouchi, but duty to his hikari came first. "No! Yugi! Shield your innocent little eyes!" He grabbed Yugi, picking him up effortlessly. "I'm getting you out of here, young one." Then, with one last regretful glance back at Kaiba, he ran off.

"Hm." Ryou said, heaving a deep sigh and sitting down a good distance away from the entwined forms of Jonouchi and Kaiba. "I'm so alone!" He closed his eyes and found himself actually missing his yami.

Lucky for Ryou, Bakura and Marik just happened to arrive upon the scene of the great Twister duel at that very moment!

_I missed you too, hikari_, Bakura thought through the mindlink, his lips curving in a small smile as Ryou's face flushed scarlet. He walked over to Kaiba and Jonouchi and kicked the blond in the ribs. "Get a room. I need to talk to my hikari."

Jonouchi tilted his head up to glare at Bakura, but wisely decided to follow the tomb robber's advice when he saw the theif's scowling face. He jumped up, helped Kaiba to his feet, then threw the dazed brunette over his shoulder, wanting to get as far away from that scowl as humanly possible before someone got turned into a Monster World doll or a Duel Monster card.

Still slightly flushed, Ryou watched as him yami advanced on him, the theif's normally cold and predatory demeanor shrinking to worried and shamed. Bordering on piss-your-pants-scared. "Um, Ryou," he began as he stood before his light. "I have something to confess..."

Immediately, Ryou's full attention was focused on the thief. Curiosity overpowering his strong urge to throttle said thief on the spot, he decided to hear what Bakura had to say. "You? Confess? Spill it."

"Well," Bakura started, fidgeting nervously, "I...umm...that is, your PS2..."

Here, Marik interjected. "It jumped out the window."

Ryou stared at him blankly. "The PS2...jumped?"

"Yup!" Marik said.

Ryou still looked lost. "Are you suggesting PS2s migrate?"

"...sure!" Marik exclaimed.

Bakura sighed exasperatedly. "No," he began tiredly. "It didn't migrate-"

"He's right!" Marik stuck in. "It was a bird!"

"A...bird?" Ryou asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah," Marik said, sounding totally serious. "A bird threw your PS2 out the window. I think it was a swallow."

Rolling his eyes, Bakura asked sarcastically, "African or European?"

"Ummm..." Marik began at a loss, "I don't know...We should look it up..."

"But wait," Ryou asked, still very confused. "How could a swallow carry a PS2?"

Marik paused a moment to think. "It could...grip it by the cord!"

"No," Ryou said. "That's not what I meant. It's not a question of where he grips it. It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a four pound PS2."

"Well it doesn't matter," Marik began, but Ryou cut him off.

"Listen," the frenzied hikari began. "In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times each second."

"I don't-"

"Right?"

"But what if two swallows carried it together-"

"Am I right?"

Finally, Bakura could take it no longer. "Gah!" he shouted. "Enough with the Holy Grail parody! I did it, ok? I did it! I threw your PS2 out the window! I'm sorry!" He clenched his eyes shut, preparing for the worst of Ryou's onslaught.

It didn't come.

"Oh," Ryou said, looking somewhat surprised.

After a minute or so, Bakura cautiously opened his eyes. "...Aren't you going to hurt me now?" he asked, confused.

"I really wanted to earlier," Ryou said at length. Bakura winced. "I knew it was you when I first saw what had happened," he continued. "I was ready to smash your face in when I found you. But now..." He paused. "You confessed! You actually confessed to something you did wrong! And you apologized! You usually just blame it on someone else, kick someone in the shin, and run away."

Bakura grinned sheepishly. "So does that mean you're not going to punish me?"

Ryou cracked his knuckles menacingly. "Oh, I'll punish you. But not now. Later."

Grinning wildly, Bakura leaned closer to his hikari, pulling Ryou closer. "I do hope it will include whips and chains," he purred seductively into his light's ear.

Ryou turned a brilliant shade of red.

"Gee, what do we do now?" Marik asked, breaking up the lovely yami/hikari moment before him. "I mean, we've completed our quest...sort of...You guys have made up..."

Thankful for Marik's intrusion, Ryou pulled away from his yami and piped up, "And the Pharaoh defeated the bad guy..."

Bakura cleared his throat and stepped forward. "And I, _the_ antagonist, have come back to the light side of the force."

Marik and Ryou exchanged glances and both coughed at the same time, their coughs sounding suspiciously like, "Yeah right!"

Averting his gaze, Bakura cleared his throat. "Ok, so not really...I could never forsake the darkness...I _am_ the darkness!" He paused to cackle evilly. "But what else is there to do?"

"Ummm...Oh! Oh! I know!" Marik exclaimed. "We could find and torment the Pharaoh!"

"Yeah!" Bakura agreed.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Oh joy."

"Ha. Pathetic fools." The trio looked up at the voice. Seto Kaiba stood before them, his hands resting on his slim hips, and his trenchcoat billowing out behind him in a nonexistent wind. He glared down at the three, as if he were somehow superior to them. Jonouchi stood behind him. "You can't even think of a decent plan," Kaiba continued.

Bakura narrowed his eyes. "Where did you come from?"

"Over there," Jonouchi said as he pointed vaguely in a random direction. He crept over to Kaiba and slipped an arm around the brunette's waist.

"Down mutt," Kaiba snapped.

Jonouchi removed his arms and took a step back. "Moneybags," he muttered.

Kaiba crossed his arms and scowled at nothing in particular.

"Relationship problems?" Ryou asked, wandering over to the CEO.

Eying the white haired boy, Kaiba wondered who the hell this kid was. _Ah yes. Yugi's friend. British. Ryou or something. _They had never really spoken before. "You could say that," he said after a moment.

All of a sudden, the five heard a yell. Whipping their heads around in unison O.O Unison again! they saw Yami and Yugi running towards them as fast as their little legs would carry them.

Yami skidded to a stop in front of them and doubled over panting. "Ho-Horrible!" he huffed out between breathes.

Yugi fell to the ground, also breathing hard. "He-Help!" he gasped out.

The normally apathetic tomb robber turned a curious eye on them. "What's wrong?" he asked, trying to sound uninterested. After all, _he_ hadn't caused whatever it was that had the Pharaoh running in fear. How bad could it be?

"Giant-"Yami panted, "muffin!"

Bakura sweatdropped. "What?"

"He's making even less sense than I do!" Marik exclaimed.

Yugi then raised a trembling finger and pointed back the way he and Yami had just run from. Everyone slowly turned to view the chaos that was forming behind them...

END

Gah! What does Yugi mean by "Giant muffin"? What kind of chaos in unfolding behind them??? Why can't I write fast enough?!?! Well, tune in next time to find out! And be sure to leave a review. Marik so enjoys them.

Marik throws a bunch of reviews in the air. "Yay!"

Flashback Guy shrugs. "Whatever."


	5. Blueberry Muffins

Yes, that's right. This is...The muffin chapter! _Dun dun dun!!! _Just a note: my chocolate chip muffins kick ass. How ya like them apples, Muffie!!!

Another note: Marik's "Yami" (I know, he isn't really a yami, he didn't come from the Millennium Rod, yeah yeah, whatever) will be known as Malik. Why? Because I said so, and as author of this fic, what I say is LAW! MWAHAHAHA!!! So shut it, I don't wanna hear the "correct" name! (Plugs ears and starts singing "LA LALALALA!!!!" really loud) Eh hem...Well, here we go again!

Previously on MBD...Yami defeated Noa in a twisted game of Twister...Well, more or less. But now, some other obstacle has revealed itself to our heroes. What is this new threat? Will our heroes prevail?

---Chapter 5: Trust in the heart of the giant blueberry muffin monster!!!---

A giant muffin was rampaging through the streets of Domino! Smashing cars and crumbling buildings, the muffin in all its blueberry glory was indeed wreaking havoc! Such a gruesome thing in its oven-fresh goodness it was, that it had everyone, even the badass Pharaoh, trembling in fear!

Well, everyone except for Kaiba, who was apparently above trembling.

Anyway, two people soon appeared on the monstrous muffins back in a glow of Millennium Magic. One had silvery shoulder length hair and was dressed in a frilly red suite that the Pharaoh recognized immediately. "Pegasus!" he growled.

"Pegasus?" Marik asked, very much confused. "You mean like the flying horse thingy?"

"Pegasus?!" Kaiba cried out from behind Yami. "But...you were...disappearded..." he stammered, the intense shock sending him into an unintelligent state.

"Disappearded is not a word," he said to the babbling Kaiba. "Yes, I am back," he replied, turning back o Yami. "And I have an ally," he motioned to the gigantic muffin beneath him, "and a hostage." He then pulled a small boy out from behind his back, the child's thick black bangs covering his fear filled eyes.

"Put me down!" the kid growled, kicking at Pegasus's grip. "Lemme go, you fruity bastard! My big brother's soooo gonna kick your ass! Why do I always have to be taken hostage?!?!?!" Ok, so maybe fear filled wasn't the right phrase...

"Mokuba!" Kaiba cried out in fear and rage, despite the fact that Mokuba didn't seem to be in any immediate danger. The angry older brother took a step forward. A slim arm shot out and blocked his path. Kaiba turned his head down to the King of Games, who gave a slight shake of his head.

"What do you want, Pegasus?" The Pharaoh asked coldly.

"Kick his ass, Seto!" Mokuba yelled, landing a punch in Pegasus's side.

Pegasus grunted. "Quiet, runt!" the fruity bastard exclaimed, holding the enraged preteen at arm's length. Finding nothing with which to restrain the struggling Mokuba, he was dearly missing his Millennium Eye and the good old days when he could have trapped the stubborn brat's soul in a card. Finally, being able to take no more of the kid's shrieking, he picked Mokuba up, turned him upside down, and stuck his head into a giant blueberry. Satisfied, he turned to Yami and the glowering Kaiba. "Want?" Pegasus asked, raising a hand to his chin in contemplation. "Well, first I want to see the all-mighty Seto Kaiba tremble in fear before me and my giant blueberry muffin of DOOM!"

Kaiba crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't tremble."

The man shrugged. "Fine. Be a poor sport. _Kaiba-boy_!"

"No!" Kaiba cried, proud shoulders slumping. "Not that stupid nickname!" He closed his eyes and began trembling slightly against his will.

"Pegasus," Yami growled again. He knelt swiftly next to Kaiba, who had fallen to his knees, and placed a hand on his adversary's shoulder. Kaiba's head snapped up and his cerulean eyes turned to regard the game king. "I'll help you get him back," he whispered softly as he moved closer, referring to the still struggling Mokuba, who was still shouting, "Kick his ass!" although it was muffled by the blueberry.

The brunette sneered and turned away. "I don't need your help." But he didn't pull away.

Yami straightened and stood up, drawing the CEO's reluctant eyes to him. Yup, much as Seto hated to admit it, he was still the same high priest that Yami remember from his Egypt days. _He will come to realize that soon enough_, Yami though with a smirk. "Pegasus!" he shouted, turning his attention back to the man and the muffin before him. "Why have you come here? What do you really want?"

Pegasus only grinned. "You really want to know? My first agent has failed. My second agent will not!" He grinned even wider at the Pharaoh's bemused glare. "Now, Muffie!" he shouted.

Everyone stopped. "Muffie?!" they all asked in unison.

"Yeah," Pegasus said defensively. "I can have a fond nickname for my muffin-monster, can't I?"

Everyone shrugged in unison.

"As I was saying," Pegasus continued, "Muffie! Take Yugi!"

The muffin moved it's baked claw over to Yugi.

"Wait, that wasn't the plan!" Pegasus shouted. "I mean...er...What's his name? The quiet one! Uhh...You know, British kid, white hair."

The muffin moved to Bakura.

"Yeah, him." Pegasus said. Then, upon taking a closer look at his target, he changed his mind. "No! Not him! The other him! The other one!"

Muffie paused, its little brain confused. Then it slowly moved over to Ryou.

This time, Pegasus took a good look at his chosen target. "Yes, that's him!" he declared.

Everyone gasped in unison, this time really freaked out that they had done three things in a row in unison.

"Me?!" Ryou asked.

"What do you want with Ryou?!" Bakura demanded from his hikari's side.

Pegasus glared at the tomb robber. "You of all people should know," he retorted, glaring down at the thief. "You took my eye!"

"Your...eye?" Bakura asked, at a loss. "But why would I want your eye? I already have two..."

Pegasus sweatdropped. "No...My _Millennium _Eye..."

"Ooooh," Bakura said, remembering that day and thinking it made a lot more sense. "But why do you want Ryou?!"

"You took my Eye, so I'm taking your light!"

"My...light?" the tomb robber asked, scratching his head. "But it's the middle of the day. I have no need for a light..."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Ooooh," he said, realizing what Pegasus meant. "My light _side_." He decided that made more sense as well.

"Yeah," Pegasus said. "Now, Muffie! Go!" The muffin's blueberry encrusted hand came closer to Ryou.

"Ryou!" Bakura cried as he went into the clichéd slow motion 'NOOOO!' scene. Unfortunately for him, the muffin scooped up Ryou before the thief had taken his first step. Damn slow motion scene!

"I'll save you!" the thief cried again, though he had just failed in doing so. "That's it! You've asked for it!" He then tapped into his Shadow Powers, feeling the dark energy flow into him from the Millennium Ring. But before he could do anything with said Shadow Powers, Honda and Otogi showed up just in time to ruin everything!

Still running from Otogi, Honda wasn't watching where he was going. "Watch out!!!" he cried, but it was too late. Honda fell into Bakura, who fell into Kaiba, who fell into Yami, who fell into Jonouchi, who fell into Yugi, who fell into Otogi, who just fell.

"No!" Bakura cried, losing control of his Shadow Powers and sending a beam of dark energy into an innocent bystander.

"Crap." Random Dude managed to say before he was blasted into oblivion.

Everyone paused and stared at the pile of ashes that was formerly Random Dude, all the while wondering how he had escaped the anvil incident from the previous chapter unscathed.

"Eh, he'll be fine!" Bakura said, waving his hand in a careless manner.

Everyone shrugged and turned back to the situation at hand.

Crossing his arms over his chest, Pegasus voiced the question that had been on everyone's mind ever since Marik woke up this morning and decided that he was bored. "Is there a point to this?" he asked. "I mean, what was the plot again? I seem to have forgotten..." he trailed off. "Why am I here?! Oh, now I've lost all my faith! Is all my life null?!"

Yugi, who was known for believing that his Duel Monsters deck had a "heart" and was thought to be just a _little_ off in the head, wouldn't allow this type of talk coming from anybody, not even the guy who had once brought him to the Shadow Realm and killed him. (AN: Hey, who hasn't?) "No, Pegasus!" he cried. "Don't give up! You've just got to _believe_! Have _faith_! Trust in the heart of the..." He paused, about to say "_Trust in the heart of the cards!_" But his phrase didn't quite fit this situation. "Uh...Trust in the heart of the giant blueberry muffin monster!"

Pegasus shrugged. "Ok!" He then had Muffie put the Ryou on its head and threw the white haired teen down next to the still struggling (and still screaming) Mokuba.

Two mahogany eyes, narrowed in anger, turned to regard Yugi with a glare that promised more – much more – than death.

"What?" the short and spiky duelist asked innocently.

Breathing labored now, Bakura decided it would be best to just release his anger. So he did – in the form of a fist connecting with the side of little Yugis skull. "You practically invited Pegasus to take Ryou!" he shouted, spittle flying from his mouth. (Ewww...) "No one may give permission to other people to take my property except for me!!!"

Yugi didn't answer, as he was currently sprawled out on the ground, his eyes quite swirly.

"Give me back Ryou!" the tomb robber shouted at the eccentric billionaire (AN: No, not Kaiba -.-;), his mahogany eyes flashing in anger.

Pegasus paused to consider his request. "Well, maybe if you can convince my good friend Kaiba-boy to come up here and have a chat with me, oh, and maybe some tea and scones as well, then perhaps I'll think about it." He really had no intention of trading his pale captive for Seto Kaiba. He no longer desired the CEO's company, though it did have a lovely view, so what use did he really have for Kaiba? Besides, he wanted to torment the thief some more.

Bakura dashed over to Kaiba and grabbed the lean brunette around his middle. "Fine, you can have him!" he shouted as he dragged the CEO over to the gigantic muffin.

"No!" Jonouchi shouted as he leapt into the tomb robber's path to rescue his beloved. "He's mine!"

"Ah! Get off me!" Kaiba shouted at both of them. "Lemme go!"

Recovering from his tomb-robber-inflicted head injury, Yugi stood up and glanced at his yami. "Um...Yami? Now would be a good time to bust out some Shadow Powers..." But Yami was too busy glaring daggers at Jonouchi and Bakura.

"Stop it!" Kaiba shouted. "Let go of me!" He managed to pry himself from Bakura's grasp and was fending off Jonouchi, who was "helping," if you call trying to pull the poor boy over to himself helping. "You have a big enough appetite, mutt," he continued, taking a step back from the two, who were eying him hungrily. "Why don't you just eat the damn muffin?"

"Well, I _would_," Jonouchi began, "but it's blueberry. I don't do blueberry."

"AH!" Marik yelled, deciding it had been too long since he had last spoken. "Whatever shall we do?!"

As if to answer his question, a strain of a song in the distance reached Marik's ear.

"Huh?" Marik asked, obviously confused.

The song became clearer, apparently the source of it was getting closer. Soon, Marik and everyone else was able to decipher its words: "Here I come to save the day, Yami Malik's on the way!"

"Yami Malik?" Everyone asked.

"Yami Malik?" Flashback Guy asked from the Flashback Department, several blocks away.

"Yami Malik?" Random Dude asked, miraculously healed from being vaporized by a stray shot of dark energy.

"Malik?" Marik asked.

"Rawr?" asked Muffie.

All of a sudden, Marik's "yami" (his _more_ psycho side...grin) came flying to the rescue! "Yes, it is I!" he exclaimed. "And I shall save you all, you foolish mortals!"

"I am not a mortal!" Bakura shouted indignantly, stubbornly crossing his arms over his chest.

Yami, who was not a mortal either, seemed thoroughly disturbed by another strange fact. "Ummm...Since when could Malik fly?"

"Since now, Pharaoh!" he shouted from the sky. He then flew up to Pegasus. "Release the mortals and I'll not be so hard on you!"

"Never!" cried Pegasus. He pointed to Bakura. "He took my Millennium Eye, so I'll take his lover!"

Ryou, who was in the process of getting up, fell back at Pegasus's words. "Lover?!?!" he cried, mortified. A deep blush spread across his face as a dozen mental images consisting of he and Bakura participating in various _loving_ activities flashed before his eyes.

Bakura was also quite red, but seemed more angry than embarrassed. "I will reclaim what is mine!" he shouted, raising a fist in the air.

"Oh shut it, tomb robber," Marik snapped from the air. "I shall save your wench. And the brat too, while I'm at it."

"I am not a wench!" Ryou shouted angrily, glowering almost as much as his yami on the ground.

Wheeling about in the sky, Malik spun to face Pegasus. "Well, I've given you a chance to go unharmed. Now...I get to have fun!" His psycho grin appeared on his face.

"You don't scare me!" Pegasus said, though he did indeed sound a bit shaken. "What can you do against the might of my muffin?"

Malik flew up a few inches so he was eye level to the billionaire. "Heh. I'm going to...EAT THE MUFFIN!!!"

"Gasp!" Pegasus...gasped. "No! You wouldn't!'

Malik only grinned all the wider. "Watch me." He then devoured the entire muffin in about five seconds. "MMMMMMM....Blueberry!"

Ryou was suddenly falling. Very fast. The ground was steadily getting closer, rushing up to meet him. He didn't especially want to meet the ground, but what could he do? Nothing! He shut his eyes tightly and prepared for impact.

THUMP. "OWWW!"

Ryou cracked an eye open and looked down to see what had cushioned his fall. "Bakura!" he cried gleefully, scampering off his squashed yami and helping him to his feet. "Thanks for breaking my fall!"

"Yeah, yeah," his yami replied. "Thanks for breaking my back."

Ryou giggled.

"I tried to catch you," Bakura continued, rubbing his back. "I kinda tripped –"

He was stopped in mid-sentence when Ryou threw his arms around him. "Thanks," his hikari murmured from somewhere in Bakura's chest.

Bakura smiled and wrapped his arms around his hikari. "Good to have you back."

Meanwhile, Pegasus, who had somehow survived the fifty foot drop unharmed, was kneeling on the ground with his head in his hands. "NOOOO!!!! MUFFIE!!!!"

Smirking, Malik landed in front of him. "You are defeated," he said softly. "And I shall take this as a prize!" He snapped Pegasus's eyepatch and removed it from the man. "Now I shall send you to the Shadow Realm!" He then sent Pegasus to the Shadow Realm. (AN: How? I don't know. Marik had the Millennium Rod...Just ignore the scary plot holes, people!) "Bye, Pegsy! Now I shall do this!" He donned the eyepatch. "Yo Ho!...

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,

Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

We extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

Maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!

We kindle and char, inflame and ignite,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

We burn up the city, we're really a fright,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

"We're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,

Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.  
We're beggars and blighters, ne'er-do-well cads,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.  
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,  
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho.

"Hahaha! I'm Jack Sparrow!" Malik then flew away.

"Oooook..." Everyone said.

"Bye, Malik!" Marik shouted. "Bye! See you later! Bye!"

Kaiba stood up suddenly and began frantically searching through the muffin crumbs for something. "Where's Mokuba?!?!" he shouted desperately. "Don't tell me your deranged yami ate him, Marik, or I'll friggin' kill you!" (AN: O.o Starting to talk like Jonouchi now, huh?)

"Malik does not eat small and annoying children!"" Marik began defensively. "At least, I don't think he does..."

"Look!" Yami shouted. "Up in the air!"

"It's a bird!" Yugi exclaimed.

"It's a plane!" Jonouchi argued.

"No!" Yami said. "It's..."

"MOKUBA!" Kaiba finished. And indeed it was. The enraged preteen was falling from the sky. How he got up there, we will never know...

"AIIEEEE!!!!" the kid screamed as gravity claimed him.

"I got him," Yami said boredly, casually stretching out his arms. Mokuba fell right into them.

"Gee, thanks!" Mokuba said cheerily. "You saved my life, Yugi!"

Frowning, Yami snarled at the blueberry covered Mokuba, "I'm Yami!" He then dropped the younger Kaiba brother.

"Mokuba!" Kaiba ran over to his younger brother, sparing a glare for Yami as he passed. "Mokuba, are you ok?"

Mokuba stood up, fine except for a few blueberry stains on his clothes. "Yeah, Seto, I'm fine. Didn't you see? Yugi," Yami glared at him, "-er, Yami, saved me!"

Kaiba turned to a smirking Yami. "You...saved him?"

Shrugging casually, Yami said, "I'm the hero. It's what I do."

_I should thank him_, Kaiba thought. He nearly shuddered at the notion. "Uh, Yami?" he began, clearing his throat.

"Yes, Kaiba?" He was still smirking.

Kaiba sighed and shook his head. "Well...That is...I, um...I wanted to..."

"Yes?"

"Th...I wanted to tha...Thaaaa...aaaaaaaaa...Tha...aaaaa..."

"Thaaaaa?" Yami was just playing with him. He knew perfectly well that Kaiba was trying to thank him. It was just amusing how hard of a time the brunette was having with a simple thank you.

Biting his lip briefly in frustration, Kaiba tried again. "Thaaaaa...Oh, I can't do it!" Seto Kaiba had never thanked anyone besides Mokuba. Never.

Yami's smirk widened. "Do what?"

Kaiba coughed into his hand and muttered incoherently, "Thank you."

"What was that, Kaiba?" Yami asked, raising a hand to his ear. "I didn't hear you."

Ready to pull his hair out, Kaiba finally snapped. "Gah! I wanted to thank you, alright?! I wanted to thank you for saving my brother! THANK YOU!!!!" He swooned and managed to gasp out, "I can't believe I said that...to you..." His knees gave way and he fell. Yami reached forward to catch him, but was beaten to it by Jonouchi.

"Kaiba?" the blond asked softly, brushing a few rogue strands of hair from the brunette's now closed eyes.

"I'm fine," Kaiba muttered, slowly opening his eyes. He unconsciously leaned closer to the blond. Jonouchi responded to this by wrapping his arms around the lean teenager and pulling his closer still.

Now even angrier at Jonouchi than he was before, Yami growled, "Ugh, get a room."

Jonouchi grinned at the irritated Pharaoh. "Ok." He slipped one arm around Kaiba's back and the other around the brunette's knees and hefted him up effortlessly. Then, without a backward glance, he carried his prize away.

Yami glared after them and caught a flash of blue eyes before the two left his sight.

Bakura looked down at his own prize, currently residing in his arms. "Hey, Ryou," he said quietly.

"Mmm?" Ryou looked up.

A devilish grin spread across his yami's face. "Let's go...'get a room'."

A bright blush spread across Ryou's fair face. "Wha-?" was all he could get out before he was dragged away.

Yami blinked. "Well. It seems like Ryou and Bakura are getting along well. _Very_ well."

Otogi tapped Honda determinedly on the shoulder. "Will you give me back my dice _now_, Honda?"

Honda paused to think about it for half a minute. "Ummm...NO!"

Uttering a growl promising a slow and painful death, Otogi lunged at Honda.

"AH!" Honda threw the stolen dice at Otogi and ran away.

"AHHHAAHHHH!!!!" Otogi shrieked. "MY EYE!" Otogi then pocketed his dice, clutched at his wounded eye, and ran after Honda.

"...um..." Yami shrugged, at a loss for words.

Yugi heaved a deep yawn. "Boy, I sure am tired." He lay down and was soon asleep.

Shrugging, Mokuba turned and started walking away. "I'm going home," he called over his shoulder to his big brother, even though his brother had been kidnapped by Jonouchi a few minutes ago.

Marik looked out of the corner of his eye at Yami. "I'm so alone!" he cried. Then, holding his precious Millennium Rod to his chest, he ran off, leaving our favorite Pharaoh alone, with the exception of his sleeping hikari.

Yami looked around, his gaze eventually falling onto the sleeping form of Yugi. "Well, I guess I'll have to stay here and watch over him until he wakes up." He sighed. "How very...boring."

* * *

A few blocks away, a gateway was opening in an abandoned alleyway right on the side of an old building. Rolling waves of gray clouds moved across a black sky in the steadily widening portal, purple lightening illuminating the skeletons of dead trees in a sparse forest. Agonizing howls of doomed souls drifted though the tear in time and space, making people on the main road shiver and look around nervously, though they had no idea what had brought on this sudden feeling of dread.

None other than Maximillion Pegasus stepped through this gateway, smirking as he stepped into the middle of the deserted alley and as the gateway swirled shut behind him, cutting off the screams of the damned. "They'll never suspect me of treachery if they believe me to be trapped in the Shadow Realm," he said once the screams had died down, laughing softly.

A few feet away, another gateway opened in the wall before him. "Shadi," Pegasus greeted as the Egyptian's gateway shut behind him. "How nice to see you again."

Shadi spared only a minor glance for the man before making the Millennium Scale disappear. "The Key," he said, holding out his hand expectantly.

"Very well then." Pegasus reached under his shirt and pulled out a glowing ankh-shaped key. "The Millennium Key. It was very kind of you to let me borrow it."

"Only because I am curious to see what you will do next," Shadi muttered, snatching the Key and slipping it around his own neck. "What _will_ you do, Pegasus?"

Pegasus grinned. "I will implement the next stage of my brilliant plan. I will send my second agent to deal with our pesky friends."

"Your second agent?" the Egyptian asked, confused. "But the muffin was your second agent, was it not?"

"Oh no," Pegasus said, slowly shaking his head. "No, not at all. It was all part of my plan for Muffie to lose. It would have been nice to take my revenge on the tomb robber by kidnapping his light, but that's just been so over done. The fools now think I'm in the Shadow Realm and no threat at all. I will attack them when they think me vanquished."

Shadi only stared at him. "Muffie?" he asked incredulously.

"Shut up!" Pegasus snapped, turning away. "Come now. Let's go back to Kaiba Corp tower. We can play race cars on the comfy wheely executive chairs and then play Tetris on Kaiba-boy's computer."

Shadi shrugged and followed, wondering what madness Pegasus was planning for the Pharaoh and his friends.

END

(SPOILER TYPE THING) GAH! I MISS MARIK!!!! And I keep calling all the new badguys Rare Hunters, even though they're not! Hey, ever wonder what happened to Marik's Rare Hunters after that final duel at Alcatraz? I think Yami's got them hidden somewhere...Heh...Oh! And if Pegasus can come back, so can Marik! They've got to bring him back!!!! (END SPOILER TYPE THING)

Ah, yes, the ducktape. For those of you who think I am misspelling this word, I do have a reason using duck instead of duct...

Flashback Guy puts a tape in the VCR...

FLASHBACK TIME!!!!

A duck walks by holding a roll of duct tape under its wind. "Quack!"

"Hey! That's my duct tape, damnit!" The authoress runs off after the duck.

END FLASHBACK TIME!!!!

Flashback Guy takes the tape out of the VCR.

And ever since then, I've called it ducktape...(Nods sagely)

"QUACK!"

So, what's Peggy planning now? What did Bakura mean by "Get a room"? Since when could Malik fly? Poor Muffie...Tune in next time for the always popular Tetris chapter!


	6. The Joys of Tetris

Quote of the Day: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. –Steven Wright

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! Well, besides Random Dude...and Flashback Guy...and Drumsticks...and, of course, the ALMIGHTY DUCKTAPE!!!! Mwahaha, I love it...

As for everyone who reviewed. Y'all. Are such. Freaks! I luv you guys! :D Yes, fear me. Yes, yeeessss, keep reviewing, my minions, and soon we shall implement our plans for WORLD DOMINATION! Or I could just keep writing and you could just keep R&Ring. Yeah, that works for me too.

Previously on Marik's Boring Day...Pegasus kidnapped Mokuba and Ryou with the help of his giant blueberry muffin – named Muffie! Oh, the horror! But Malik showed up just in time to save the day and have a tasty blueberry muffin for a snack. After that, things seemed to quiet down a bit..._Seemed_ to, at least...

---Chapter 6: The Joys of Tetris---

The figure lurked in the shadows of a nearby building, watching the strange young man and his sleeping look-a-like. "Now's my chance," he muttered, cracking his knuckles. Or attempting to. The pathetic figure couldn't even crack his knuckles properly... "They'll see," he whispered, giving up on acting tough. "Just because I always get injured every time I appear in this fic, it doesn't mean they're any better than I am!" He clenched his fists and ran out of the shadows – right at the Pharaoh.

Yami watched as Random Dude charged out of the shadows, the poor fool oblivious to the fact that Yami knew he was coming, that the Pharaoh had heard his little rant. So Yami shrugged and decided to let the mortal have some fun. Maybe he'd even let Random Dude land a hit or two before he was crushed.

The sound of fast approaching hoof beats made Yami pause and turn to the sound. Flashback Guy was riding Drumsticks as fast as the pudgy little pony would go, grinning ear to ear and waving his cowboy hat over his head. With a mighty "Whoop!" they bounded into the street, trampling Random Dude in mid-charge.

"Curses!" the random little side character cried before he was rendered unconscious.

Flashback Guy pulled Drumsticks to a halt before Yami. "Oops..." he muttered, casting a sidelong glance at the limp form of Random Dude. He shrugged. "Accidents happen."

Yami shrugged also and nodded his agreement.

"Anyway," Flashback Guy continued, "we gotta go. We're in the middle of a race."

"Oh?" Yami replied. "With who?"

Flashback Guy only looked at him blankly. "You mean we have to be racing _with_ somebody else?"

Yami opened his mouth to answer, but changed his mind and shut it again, waving the man and his pony off, watching as they rode into the still not sunset.

_Gee, it sure has been a long time since the last sunset_, Yami thought. _In fact, I don't think the sun had moved since Marik decided he was going to run amok through the city, hitting people on the head with his Millennium Rod and making them into mindslaves for his own amusement. _He stopped and took a deep breath. _That was a long sentence. But if I'm thinking it in my head, how come I'm out of breath? _O.o

Before Yami had a chance to contemplate this very interesting question, Yugi stirred.

"La deed a dee da!" Yugi was stirring a cup of hot chocolate.

Yami blinked.

"Oh, hey Yami!" Yugi said, after swallowing a sip of his drink. "Wazzup?!"

Not even bothering to ask where his aibou got a cup of hot chocolate, Yami just replied, "Everyone left. Now _I'm_ bored!"

"Well, maybe we should do something!" Yugi sputtered, splashing some chocolate on his yami.

Wincing, Yami wiped the chocolaty substance off his face. "Like what?" he whined.

Yugi paused to think for a moment. "Weeeeelll, what do we usually do here in Domino when we're bored?"

"...Uh...Turn on the TV and flip through the channels, only to end up watching people bitch each other out on Jerry Springer?"

"...Not where I was going..."

Yami's eyes widened. "Yugi! We couldn't do that! Not here, at least. We _could_ go back home, and maybe if your grandpa's out, we could go up to your room and shut the blinds and-"

"Not where I was going either!" Yugi quickly interrupted.

"Yeah," Yami agreed. "Tetris is rather boring in the middle of the day..."

Yugi nodded. "Actually, I was thinking Duel Monsters."

"Right!" Yami interrupted him right back. "I know where this is going!"

Yugi smiled.

"Yeah, I've always wanted to try it too," Yami continued. "I'll use my cool shadow powers to bring the cards to life, just like Tomb Robber does!"

Yugi sweatdropped. "Again, not where I was going..."

But Yami wasn't done yet. "Yeah! Then I'll sic the monsters on Marik!"

"Uhhh...Why Marik?" Yugi asked.

Yami stared at him in disbelief. "He tried to kill us all!"

Yugi shrugged. "Who hasn't?"

His yami had already gone back into his tirade. "Yeah! We'll watch in morbid fascination as the various monsters tear him limb from limb in a most nauseating way!"

Yugi's eyes went wide. "Yami! I never knew you had such a dark imagination!"

"Well...You know...My name kinda _is_ darkness, after all..." Five second pause. "Ah! I'm sorry, Yugi! I'm being a bad influence. Forgive me, hikari!"

Yugi sweatdropped. "I forgive you. Want to hear my real idea now?"

"Well, I thought my idea was pretty go-" He stopped at Yugi's glare. "Go on," he said, shutting up. Yugi Motou could be _very_ intimidating...

"I was thinking you could duel someone!" he shouted happily.

Yami's ears perked up, which Yugi found really disturbing because it kinda made Yami look like a dog. The Pharaoh actually started listening to his hikari after the word "duel," whereas before he'd only heard 'Blah blah blah!' "Duel?" he asked. "Duel who?"

"Umm..." Yugi hadn't thought about that part. "How about...Bakura?"

Yami blinked. "Bakura? Tomb Robber? Why him?"

Yugi shrugged. "Well, he's a good duelist, right?"

"Ummm..."

"Well he beat Bones, didn't he?"

"Yugi, _Jonouchi_ has beaten Bones before..."

Yugi frowned. "Oh...Well, who else are you going to duel? I mean, Kaiba's good, but he'll just go into one of his _I'll regain my title as number on duelist! _speeches. If you duel Jonouchi, it'll just turn into Duelist Kingdom all over again. And, umm, Marik's just...Marik."

Yami nodded his agreement. "All very good points."

"Ok!" Yugi grinned and grabbed Yami's hand. "So let's go find Bakura!"

"Wait!" Yami cried. "I sense a flashback scene coming!"

All of a sudden, the sound of hoof beats rang out in the distance. "Yeehaw!" Flashback Guy yelled, pulling Drumsticks to a skidding stop before the two. "You order a flashback?" he asked, holding up a tape.

Yami nodded.

"Allllllllrighty then!" Flashback Guy hopped off of his fat pony and dashed to a conveniently placed TV, jamming the tape into the VCR. "Enjoy." He hit play.

"FLASHBACK!!!" appeared in big white words on the TV screen, accompanied by catchy flashback music.

_Bakura looked down at his own prize, currently residing in his arms. "Hey, Ryou," he said quietly._

"_Mmm?" Ryou looked up._

_A devilish grin spread across his yami's face. "Let's go...'get a room'."_

_A bright blush spread across Ryou's fair face. "Wha-?" was all he could get out before he was dragged away._

The words "THE END" appeared on the screen in big white letters followed by "This has been a Flashback Company Production. All rights reserved." The music faded away and the screen went black.

Flashback Guy grabbed the tape and leapt onto his steed. With a cry of "Tallyho!" they were off.

Still snapping his fingers and bobbing his head to the beat of the flashback music, Yugi didn't notice them leave. "Catchy flashback music," he mumbled.

Yami looked upon his aibou in disbelief. "Yugi, we can't go find Bakura."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Did you just miss that flashback?!" the spirit exclaimed.

Yugi shook his head. "No, I saw it. Bakura and Ryou went to 'get a room.' Hmmm...I wonder why that's in quotations."

A sweatdrop appeared on the side of Yami's head. "Stupid innocent sheltered hikari," he mumbled.

"What was that, Yami?" Yugi asked, looking up. "I didn't hear you."

Yami smiled sweetly. "Nothing aibou."

Yugi smiled back, oblivious as ever. "Oh. Ok. Let's go find Bakura and Ryou!" He then began to skip away, dragging Yami behind him.

* * *

Wandering through Domino City with nothing to do, Marik was, once again, bored beyond all reason.

"I'm bored again!" the Egyptian youth yelled as he kicked a can down the street, drawing strange stares from passer-bys. "So bored!" He kicked the can hard, making it skitter across the pavement. "BooOOOoOoooorEd." Kick. Skitter. Kick. Skitter. Kick-

"Ouch!"

Marik looked up, surprised to hear the can scream.

"That was me that screamed!" Random Dude screeched. "You missed the can and kicked ME!"

Marik blinked. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

They both stared at each other for a moment, then telepathically agreed to go back to their earlier confrontation.

"Whoops," Marik said half-heartedly. Not even. More like one-quarter-heartedly. "I'm just so...bored..." He paused, staring at Random Dude for a moment. A grin spread across his tanned face. A big psychotic grin.

Random Dude noticed this change. "W-What?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

"I know what I can do to get rid of my boredom!" he said in a sing-song voice. Before Random Dude could ask, Marik shouted, "I'm going to make people into mindslaves again!"

"Uh...Didn't you already try that?" Random Dude started to ask, but Marik would have no interruptions.

The shadow-power-happy Egyptian pulled out his Millennium Rod. "Now feel the power of my Millennium Item!" he shouted, pointing the Item at Random Dude, tapping into his Shadow Powers and covering his companion's mind in a blanket of darkness...

...Or at least he tried to...

"Umm..."Random Dude scratched his head. "Was something supposed to happen there?"

"What?!" Marik cried. "Why aren't you a mindslave?!"

Random Dude blinked. "A...what?"

"What's wrong with my Millennium Rod?!" the now distressed Egyptian teen continued.

"Uhh..." Random Dude was utterly and completely lost. But, then again, he usually was.

"My poor widdle Miwwennium Wod!" he cried.

"Oook," Random Dude said, unable to take anymore. "I'm...leaving..." He then proceeded to dash off. "Hey!" he yelled suddenly. "I didn't get hurt this time! I beat the system! I win! WOOOO!" He then tripped over the can Marik had been kicking and cracked his skull open on the pavement. "Damnit!"

"Oh my god!" a kid on the sidewalk shouted. "You killed Kenny – er, Random Dude! You bastard!"

Marik didn't seem to notice any of this. "I know! It must have been Kaiba! His head must have hurt you! Yes! Yesss, the impact must have broken you! Damn you, Kaiba!" he shouted to the sky. "Damn you and your unnaturally thick skull!!!! I shall have my revenge...Yesss, we shall have our revenge...Yes we shall...Yessss, my Precious...." He started petting the Millennium Rod. Then he cackled and ran off.

* * *

It was a nice little house, perhaps with the exception of the shattered window on the second floor and the shattered remnants of a PS2 decorating the sidewalk, accompanied by a few bloodstains that were unwillingly donated by Random Dude. Other than all that, it looked peaceful enough.

It _looked_ peaceful enough. Judging by the various pounding, moaning, and yelling coming from inside, it _sounded_ quite the opposite. Yami did not want to go in there.

"I do NOT want to go in there," Yami said with a shudder as he and Yugi stood outside the front door.

Yugi apparently didn't hear him. "Hey, it sounds like they're having fun in there!" he exclaimed. "Let's go in!"

Yami rolled his eyes, but was powerless against his shorter, happier hikari (O.o Riiiiight...). So Yugi dragged his recalcitrant yami up the stairs and they were soon standing outside the door that seemed to be emitting the loudest noise, the room with the broken window. Voices drifted through the door:

"Oh! OH! OHOHOH! I'm gonna get it!" It was Bakura's deep voice.

"Come on! Go faster!" Ryou's slight British accent said breathily.

"But..." Bakura's muffled reply again came though the door.

"YES! YES! TO THE LEFT! TO THE LEFT!!!!" Ryou screamed.

A groan came from Bakura.

"NO! COME ON! FASTER! DROP IT FAAAAAASTER!"

"AHHH!"

"Oooooh, yeah, right there, that's the spot..."

From outside, Yami groaned. "Ugh, Yugi, we are not going in there."

"Wow," Yugi said. "They must really be having fun! Well, I'm opening the door now!" Yugi slowly reached for the handle and pulled the door open.

"Ah!" Yami cried. "Shield your eyes!" He clenched his eyes shut.

"Hey!" he heard Yugi say. "Can I join in?"

Yami's eyes snapped open. "WHAT?!" He bravely looked upon the room to see Ryou and Bakura sprawled out on the floor...

...Playing Tetris. What? What'd you think they'd be doing?

Bakura pounded his fists on the floor, sending the remote hopping from the sheer force. "No! I lost _again_!" he moaned.

Ryou jumped up and started yelling. "WOOO! I WON AGAIN! YEAH! I ROCK!"

Raising an eyebrow in puzzlement, Yami licked his lips and asked nervously, "Wait...So all this time...._That's_ what you've been doing?"

Bakura shut his eyes and groaned again. "Yeeeeeeesssss....Ryou wanted to play TETRIS! And then we played TETRIS! And I hate TETRIS! Stupid Tetris..."

"Hey," Yugi said, "I thought you broke the PS2."

"He _did_," Ryou answered, glaring at his yami. "He felt guilty about it so he dicided to play Tetris on the oldschool NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) with me."

Bakura nodded. "Hikari's good at the whole guilt-trip thing."

"Yup," Ryou said. "But you gotta love NES."

"I don't!" Bakura spat. "Evil 8-bit garbage! Speaking of garbage..." He turned to Yami. "What brings the King of Rubbish to my door?"

Yami rolled his eyes. "Tomb Robber, I'm _your_ king."

Bakura nodded slowly. "Yeah. And?"

"But, you just called yourself rubb-" He shook his head. "Nevermind. I'm bored. Let's duel."

"No!" Ryou shouted, grabbing his yami by the arm. "'Kura needs to stay here!"

Bakura smiled, thinking this cute. "Awwww, Ryou!"

Ryou nodded. "Yeah, I'm not done with him yet. I could play Tetris _all_ day!"

Bakura's smile faded. He groaned.

"Duel me, Tomb Robber!" Yami shouted.

"No!" Ryou shouted back. "Go duel Kaiba or something!"

Yami shook his head. "No, I can't do that. He'll just go into one of his _I'll regian my title as number one duelist_ rants."

Ryou snorted, the sound coming from his normally peaceful hikari making Bakura jump. "So? Everyone likes Kaiba. The duel'd probably attract a huge crowd."

Nodding, Bakura added, "Yeah, I've noticed that everyone likes that rich bastard too. How come he has all the fans and the fanclubs? WTF, man? Where's the love?"

"I know!" Yami burst out. "I'm the friggin Pharaoh! The King of Games! I should have the world bowing to me on their knees right now and worshipping me and being my slaves – er, royal subjects..." He glanced at Yugi to see if his aibou had noticed his little slip, but the boy seemed to be mesmerized by the falling Tetris pieces on the TV screen. Shrugging to himself, he continued with his rant. "But noooooo...Seto bloody Kaiba had to come along with his cool gravity-defying trench coats and his piles of money. Mr. Tall and Handsome Billionaire...With his...gorgeous blue eyes, eyes deep enough to drown in...His silky chestnut hair...And those tight leather pants!"

Everyone remained silent even after Yami had finished his little speech, that is, until Bakura cleared his throat and broke said silence. "Ummm...Ok, Pharaoh, that's enough. Sounds like you have a thing for Mr. Tall and Handsome Billionaire..."

The two stared in silence at each other for a moment.

"HAHAHA!!!!" Bakura burst out. "PHARAOH HAS A CRUSH ON KAIBA!"

"SHUT UP, TOMB ROBBER!" Yami shouted back.

"Both of you stop it," Ryou scolded. Bakura shut up the, content with quietly snickering.

Yami stepped forward and put a hand on Ryou's shoulder. "Ryou, I must duel Bakura. Don't ask me why, I just sense that there is a greater importance to this duel, a hidden mission." A faraway look came into his eyes and he raised a clenched fist. "I believe that the outcome of this duel...will determine the fate of the world!"

Ryou pulled away from him. "Or you're just being overly dramatic."

"Yes," Yami nodded. "That could be true. Either way, this day Bakura and I will face eachother!"

Ryou shrugged. "Ok, I'll come and watch. I mean, it's not every day you get to see a duel in Battle City." He let that sarcastic note hand in the air before adding to Bakura, "We'll just have to play more Tetris later."

Bakura groaned. "Noooo, not again!" He paused and a sly smile spread across his face. "That is, unless we make it more interesting....like _strip_ Tetris!"

"..." Ryou blinked and turned to regard his yami. "You have a sick, sick mind."

"Why, thank you." As they headed out of the building, Bakura walked next to Yami. "Eh hem...Buy the way...Thanks for getting me out of that," he muttered, truly thankful.

Yami winked. "No problem."

They walked a little more. "So...Do we really have to duel?"

"No, Tomb Robber. I'll defeat you in any game of your choosing."

"Damn King if Games," Bakura grumbled.

"Baka," Yami muttered.

Bakura spun around. "What did you say?!"

"You heard me!" Yami shouted right back.

"I am not!" the thief huffed.

"Oh, but you are! The word baka _is_ in your name!" Yami reasoned.

"That's it!" The tomb robber tackled the Pharaoh. Yami yelped and fought back. Soon, an all out anime-dust-cloud-fight ensued.

Ryou and Yugi sweatdropped.

* * *

The bronze Egyptian stealthily stalked his prey with the grace of a jungle cat, his tanned limbs working in perfect harmony and making barely a sound. (Mmmmm...Pretty mental image ) Every once in a while, he'd stop to pet his Millennium Rod or to mutter "Kaiba" disdainfully under his breath. And every time he muttered "Kaiba," the brunette would stop and sneeze.

"Kaiba," Marik muttered. "KaibaKaibaKaibaKaiba! I shall have my revenge!"

Kaiba stopped and sneezed five times in a row. "Gah. Hey, Jou," he said to the blond walking with him, "ever get the feeling that someone's talking about you behind your back?"

Jonouchi nodded. "All the time, Kaiba. All the time."

Kaiba sneezed again. He looked around, furiously searching for the cause of his sneeze attacks.

"Eep!" Marik squeaked. He jumped behind a random bush that was growing in the middle of the sidewalk specifically for that purpose. "Ha!" he whispered, seeing the CEO move on after finding nothing.

"Hey!" a voice said from behind him. "This is my hide out! Back away from the bush!"

"Hm. Actually, I'd call it a shrub," Marik said without turning around.

The voice snorted. "Sure. This is a shrub. And I'm Pegasus the shrubber."

Marik turned around excitedly. "Really?!" That was when he realized just who it was he was talking to. "Hey, you're that guy my yami sent to the Shadow Realm...or something..." He paused. "Hey, how did you get out of the Shadow Realm, anyway?!"

Pegasus shrugged. "With the Millennium Key."

"But Bakura has that!" Marik exclaimed. "Or...he did...He stole that fair and square!"

Pegasus shrugged again. "Complain to Shadi. He let me borrow it. He also gave me a black eye. I only have one eye, damnit! Show some compassion. Throw me a bone, people."

"Er...Right...I don't have any bones, or else I'd gladly throw one at you. But anyway, how in Ra's name did Shadi get the Key back without us knowing?"

"Oh, he has his ways," Pegasus said mysteriously. "Now, since you're here, I shall reveal my evil plan because all evil geniuses reveal their schemes before setting them into motion."

"You're...an evil...genius?"

Giggling, Pegasus covered his face in his hands to hide has fast spreading blush. "Well...I wouldn't say..._genius..._"

"But you just did..." Marik protested.

"Not important!" Pegasus snapped, giggling done. "Now, my plan is to capture the tomb robber and make him pay!...And maybe Kaiba-boy too, just because that's what everyone's expecting me to do. I'll take over his company and become rich!" He paused. "But I'm already rich...Oh well, rich_er_! Yes, I will ambush them both. And Yugi-boy! I'll take my revenge on him for beating me at Duelist Kingdom! Him and his yami! All of them! Big ambush! Yeah!"

Marik opened his mouth, then closed it again, deciding he didn't want to know just what he'd do with his captives. "Ok, calm down, buddy. So, um, not that I care or anything, but what if they're not all together, hmm?"

"Well...Umm...I never thought of that..." Pegasus admitted.

Marik nodded smugly. "Yeah, you see, Pegsy, that's why your plans always fail. You never think them out all the way through. I heard about Duelist Kingdom. Forget about the tournament and winning the Millennium Puzzle in a duel and all that crap about honor! You shoulda just gotten the damn thing while Yugi and his little friends were sleeping! You had them all right in your castle for crying out loud!"

Pegasus's eyes went wide. "I never thought of that!" he repeated.

"Most 'evil geniuses' never do. Too busy perfecting the maniacal cackle."

"The maniacal cackle is a must."

"Oh yeah," Marik agreed. "Gotta have the cackle. So, how are you going to capture your targets now?"

Pegasus grinned. "With some long, elaborate setup that won't work!"

Sweatdropping, Marik shook his head in exasperation. "Old dogs, new tricks. Meh, I'm leaving." So he went back to playing stalk-the-Kaiba, leaving Pegasus the shrubber with his hideout.

* * *

A little down the road, an interesting scene was taking place, making people stop and stare in wonder before shaking their heads in wonder and walk off, perhaps a trifle faster than when they first came upon said scene.

"What's going on?" Kaiba asked as he too came upon the scene.

Ryou sighed. "Yami and Bakura got into a dust-cloud fight. What do you think is happening?" he asked sarcastically.

"Well..." the CEO began.

"Quiet," Ryou commanded.

Kaiba's eyes went wide at the normally friendly teen's outburst. "O-Ok."

Jonouchi gave a low whistle of admiration. "Wow, you may be the first person ever to tell Kaiba to shut up, have him listen, and not get killed in the process."

"Well, yeah," Ryou said. "I guess it comes from hanging around Bakura so much."

Jonouchi blinked. "Right. So, who started this little dust-ball of fury?"

"Bakura," Yugi said at once.

"Yami," Ryou said at the same time as his shorter fellow hikari.

Yugi spun to face Ryou. "What? Yami didn't start this!"

"Well it sure as hell wasn't Bakura," Ryou snapped back.

"Yes, it was."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was."

"My yami didn't start this!" Ryou snarled.

"Well neither did mine!"

They both paused to glare at eachother.

"Now tell your yami to stop acting childish and surrender," Yugi said calmly, "before he hurts himself."

Growling, Ryou snarled, "My yami kicks ass! He won't lose! Unlike your starfish-headed, overly dramatic, old moldly Pharaoh!"

"ARGH!" Yugi lunged at Ryou, taking the frail-looking teen to the ground.

Wincing, Ryou pushed himself up. "Why you little...!" He jumped onto Yugi and began beating the starfish-headed hikari senseless. "I keel you!" he shouted between punched, and indeed, it seemed he would.

Jonouchi and Kaiba stared wide-eyed in wonder as the two friends "keeled" each other. Even Bakura and Yami paused their fight long enough for the dust to settle as they similarly gaped in wonder as their normally peaceful hikaris beat each other.

END

DELETED SCENES: (I wasn't going to put this in. But I am. Just because Shadow Over Egypt specifically mentioned this. Deal. :-P)

"WHEEEEE!!!!!" Pegasus shouted as he rammed his wheely chair hard into Shadi's.

"Hey, that's not fair!" the Egyptian shouted back. "You could at least warn me before you do that!"

"Nope!" Pegasus shouted for a second time as he once again rammed his Egyptian ally, knocking Shadi to the ground.

Shadi looked up, an angry glint in his odd blue eyes. "Now you die!" He hollered, tackling Pegasus and taking the billionaire to the ground. "I shall defeat you, using the power of the Force!"

"Lemme go!" Pegasus whined as the chair went flying out from under him. The chair continued its flight across the room long after Pegasus had vacated it, deciding it wanted to cause some trouble. It saw the computer desk.

_I've always hated you! _it screamed as it smashed into the side of the wooden structure, sending everything on it – including the computer that contained the majority of Kaiba Corp's files – to the floor.

_Crash! _went the computer, joining it's second cousin, Bakura's PS2, in computer heaven.

The two tussling on the floor looked up.

"You are soooo gonna be in trouble when Kaiba-boy gets back," Pegasus said in a sing-song voice.

Frowning, Shadi wondered what had possessed him when he decided he was going to help Pegasus. Then he shrugged and punched Pegasus in the eye. His good eye. Ha.

- - -

Meanwhile...Malik is sitting somewhere witha vaery bad case of indigestion...

---

Hey, I have a new fanfic. It's called HOLY RA! Sounds interesting, doesn't it? You want to read it now, don't you? Don't you? _Don't you?!_ Eh hem. Yes, this is me shamelessly advertising for my new story. Take a look and drop a review. What have you got to lose?

"Only their sanity..." Marik mutters under his breath.

Shut up, Marik! He's just jealous because he's not the main character.

"Oh, but I'll find a way to get in there!" he says maniacally. "You just wait and see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

Umm...It takes place in ancient Egypt. Good luck getting there.

Marik grins. "Ha. No problem. Just wait..."

Riiiiiiiiight...Well, thanks for reading! Leave a review and take a cookie! (Offers cookies) Y'all come back now, y'hear?


	7. Yo ho

Quote of the Day:  
Jonouchi: Those who laughed at yo-yo's shall cry at yo-yo's!  
Honda: Whatever that means…  
--Yu-Gi-Oh manga, Volume 6

Riiiiiight. You know what I just noticed? I use Japanese names for some of the characters and the dubbed names for others. Yeah, cuz that's just how good I am! So deal with it. :-p

Heh, sorry for the month it took me to update. I've been busy. Blame school!

Previously on Marik's Boring Day…Yami and Bakura had gotten into an anime-dust-cloud-fight. Marik was stalking Kaiba. Yugi and Ryou, the only sane ones in this story (well, more or less) then got into an argument over who started their yami's fight and got into a dust-cloud-fight themselves! Craziness, I tell you, craziness!

---Chapter 7: The Curse Of The Drunken Pirate!---

Standing with his jaw hanging slightly opened in awe, Yami watched as his hikari and Ryou went at it. "Well, Tomb Robber," he said, clearing his throat. "If our hikaris can _fight_, I suppose we can forget our differences for the time being."

"WOOOO!" came Bakura's reply, as he too watched the fragile looking hikaris pummel each other. "YEAH RYOU! KICK HIS GOODY-TOO-SHOES ASS!" It was then that his mind registered what Yami had said. "Er…I mean…Yes, Pharaoh. I suppose we could do that." So the two shook hands and turned to watch their lights duke it out.

Jonouchi balled up his fist, pretending it was a microphone, and started commentating. "And they're throwing punches left and right--Oh! That's gotta hurt! Yugi just got nailed by Ryou's right-hook! He may look scrawny, but he has a mean right-hook!"

Bakura threw a bag of popcorn at Jonouchi. "My hikari is NOT scrawny!"

Catching the airborne bag, Jonouchi began popping pieces of the popped corn into his mouth as he commentated. "Yugi gets him back with a right-hook of his own! Doesn't look like it packed much of a punch though…Let me take this opportunity to remind everyone that bets are being taken now by Seto."

Bakura ran up to a sullen looking Seto and pulled out a wad of money. "Fifty bucks on Ryou to win!" he shouted, pushing the money at the brooding brunette.

Yami shoved the tomb robber out of the way and pushed his own money at Seto. "No! fifty on Yugi to win!"

"Yeah, right," Bakura scoffed. "My hikari's gonna win."

"No!" Yami shouted. "Mine is!"

Seto sweatdropped and took their money. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Huh, think your puny hikari's gonna beat mine?" Bakura muttered under his breath as he turned away. He slipped past Kaiba and bumped Yami with his hip, making the Pharaoh overbalance and fall right into the CEO. He then laughed hysterically as he left the red-faced Pharaoh in a very awkward situation.

Also a bit red in the face, Kaiba righted Yami. "Er…"

"I'm…Going to watch Yugi…" Yami dashed off, and settled for glaring at the tomb robber.

"Looks like this fight won't last much longer!" Jonouchi said into his "mic," still stuffing popcorn into his face. "Oh! Oh! Yugi's got Ryou by the hair! Ryou doesn't look too happy about that…What will he do?!" Suddenly, he winced. "OH! THAT'S GOTTA HURT! And with a swift kick to the groin, Ryou wins!"

Yugi let out a loud squeal, sounding very much like a sick animal being forced to live the last few moments of its life in a powered-up blender. Two officers from Animal Planet's _Animal Cops_ just happened to be in the neighborhood and set out to investigate, but were hindered by a pack of sugar-high squirrels.

"AAAAHHH!" cried anonymous animal cop #1. "THE SQUIRRELS!!! THEY'RE GOING TO EEEEEAAAAAATTTT MEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

And so the two animal cops died a gruesome and horrible death. Oh well. No big deal. Now back to the story.

"Yugi! No!" Yami cried. "I just lost fifty bucks…" Tears formed in his eyes at the thought of losing so much money as his hikari groaned and wheezed on the sidewalk.

"Ryou!" Jonouchi's eyes were wide as he eyed his friend up and down, making sure it really was Ryou and not Bakura.

"Wow…Ryou…" Seto's eyes were wide as well. Though he eyed Ryou with mounting respect instead of suspicion.

Bakura also looked surprised. "Wow, Ryou! I never knew you could fight so dirty! I'm impressed!"

Blushing, Ryou looked down in embarrassment. "Well…yeah…"

"Whatever." Seto pushed the money at Bakura. "Here," he said apathetically. "Congrats."

Bakura laughed and shoved the money in Yami's face. "Ha! I took the Pharaoh's money! The Almighty Tomb Robber Extraordinaire strikes again! Mwahaha!"

"Yeah, yeah," Yami muttered. "But you didn't _steal_ the money, so that means you're losing your touch! Ha!"

"What?!" Bakura exclaimed. "I am not! I can rob tombs a lot better than you can rule Egypt!" He shook his fist at the Pharaoh.

Meanwhile, Marik was lurking in the nearby shadows. "Now's my chance!" he whispered while petting his 'Precious.' "He's totally off guard!" So he ran from the shadows and lunged at the CEO from behind. "DIE, THICK-SKULLED LOSER!" He then proceeded to beat Kaiba senseless…

…Or, at least, that's what he tried to do…

"Hey!" Kaiba shouted. "OW! GET-OW!-OFF! But the flailing Egyptian didn't seem to be listening.

"Kaiba!" Jonouchi cried. "I'll save you!"

"Kaiba!" Yami cried at the same time as Jonouchi. "I'll save you!"

Yugi and Ryou stared at each other and sweatdropped.

Flipping Marik over his shoulder and flinging him to the side like a wet noodle, Kaiba scoffed. "Yeah. You can't take me. The only reason you got me last time was because you caught me by surprise with your Millennium Rod." And he continued to scoff some more.

"Ouch!" the unconscious Marik said…Well, before he was unconscious.

"Seto," Yami said in amazement. "That was amazing…"

Kaiba glared at his dueling rival. "Who said you could call me Seto?"

"Well…I…" the Pharaoh began, "er…sorry?"

"Seto! Are you ok?" Jonouchi asked worriedly.

"Hey!" Yami exclaimed. 'How come he can call you Seto and I can't?"

"He _can't_," Kaiba snapped. "My name is Kaiba, get it straight."

"That was still pretty cool," Ryou said quietly from the side.

Kaiba only shrugged. "He could never take me. We're in totally different leagues."

Quickly losing interest in this conversation, Yugi put his hands in his pockets…and felt a small round piece of fabric. "Huh? What's this?" He pulled the unknown object out and saw it was an eyepatch – Noa's discarded eyepatch from Chapter 4. "Hmmm…Eyepatch…."

"Huh?" Ryou asked, noticing the object in the short, spiky duelist's hand. "What's that?"

"Noa's eyepatch," came Yugi's reply.

"What are you going to do with that?" Ryou asked warily.

Yugi only grinned and put it on.

"Yugi! No!" Ryou cried. He shrugged. "Wait, why do I care?" He walked back over to everyone else.

"Why do I feel strange all of a sudden?" Yugi said woozily. "I feel…Dizzy…and…like…singing?" O.o

"Yugi?" Yami, finally noticing his hikari, asked concerned. "What's wrong?"

Yugi didn't answer.

"Yugi?" Upon closer inspection, Yami noticed the eyepatch. "Yugi? Why are you wearing an eyepatch?"

Still no answer.

"Yugi?"

A whisper. "Yo…ho…"

"What?" Yami asked.

"Yo ho…"

"…"

"Yo ho!" Yugi shouted, a deranged grin spreading over his chibi-like face.

Yami took a step back. "What happened to Yugi?"

All of a sudden, a mysterious figure dressed in black came out of the shadows. Yes, there were a lot of shadows despite the fact that it was noon and the sun was at its highest peak, making it impossible for so many shadows to be around. Anyway, this mysterious figure was wearing black armor, a black cape, and a black mask, complete with the fiery red eyes that seem to make Hell look like Alaska. His clothing wasn't _just_ black either. No, his clothes seem to suck up all the light like a black hole, leaving only fear and despair behind. Yes, he looked very frightening indeed.

"I know what is wrong with your friend," said the mysterious figure, in a woman's deep voice – that is, a woman trying to sound like a man, making her sound even more suspicious than she already looked.

"What's wrong?" Yami demanded. "Tell me!"

Sliding closer to the newcomer, Jonouchi cautiously extended a finger and poked an armor-clad shoulder. "Who are you?"

The mysterious figure coughed conspicuously. "Er…No one! No one you'd know, at least! Nope, no one at all." With that, the figure started whistling nonchalantly, sounding conspicuously inconspicuous.

"I know who you are," Seto – er, Kaiba said quietly from the side.

"No you don't!" the figure said, whistling abruptly stopped. "You have no idea who I am! I was never in the Battle City Tournament, what are you talking about?!"

The attractive, and until this moment temporarily forgotten, CEO sweatdropped. "It must be Ishizu," he continued, drawing gasps from all.

"GASP! WTF?!"

Kaiba only shrugged. "Why not? She hasn't been in this fic yet. And the gods know, she sure is insane enough to fit in."

Everyone nodded. "True."

Jonouchi stepped behind the figure. "Now, let's see who he _really_ is!" he said in his Freddy (from Scooby Doo) imitation. He pulled off the mask. "Gasp! It _is_ Ishizu!"

"Yes!" Ishizu said, breaking free of Jonouchi's grasp. "It is I!"

"Where did you get the black clothes?" Bakura asked, fingering the black cloak and eyeing all the various sharp and pointy weapons the Egyptian woman was carrying.

Ishizu shrugged. "From him." She pointed to a crumpled Ringwraith that had been hastily stuffed under a shrub, the creature's legs still sticking out. "He wandered into the Yu-Gi-Oh part from the LOTR section. So I beat him up and took his clothes."

Bakura grinned. "Interesting. And do all these…_Ringwraps_ have pointy knives concealed all over their bodies?"

Pushing the Tomb Robber aside, Yami faced Ishizu. "What's wrong with Yugi?!"

"It is the Curse of the Eyepatch!" she said very seriously. "I have foreseen this event, using my Millennium Necklace!" The Necklace began to glow.

"Did you know you say Millennium Necklace in just about everyone of your sentences in the show?" Ryou asked innocently.

Ishizu nodded. "Yes, the magic of my Millennium Necklace told me you would say something like that!" The Necklace glowed again.

Ryou sweatdropped.

"What is the Curse of the Eyepatch?" Yami asked.

"Because Yugi awoke the ancient evil in that eyepatch," Marik's elder sister began, "he will now suffer the curse of the drunken pirate and be forced to sing the Pirates of the Caribbean song for all of eternity! Nothing else will he be able to think of, only Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life For Me!" She paused. "Oh, and the end of the world might come about very soon or something…But that's not new news, right?"

"WHAT?!" Yami cried. "NO! NOT THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SONG AGAIN!!!"

Ryou eyed Yami like he was some crazy three thousand year old Egyptian…which he was… "What about all that stuff she said about the end of the world? Aren't you worried about that?"

"Huh?" Yami looked at him blankly for a moment. "Oh, yeah, right! I'm the main character of the show so I have to go around saving the world!" He paused. "I need a new job."

"You could put in an application at Burger World!" a familiar voice said.

"…That voice sounded familiar…And I'm pretty sure it held a negative connotation."

Anzu walked by, too interested in drawing her smiley faces of friendship all over everything to notice her "friends."

"Hey, I just noticed something," Jonouchi said. "How come in Ishizu's description, it said "he"? I mean Ishizu is a she…Isn't she?"

Everyone turned to look at Ishizu suspiciously.

"What?" Ishizu burst out. "I'm a girl!"

Still, they continued to stare at her dubiously.

"…"

Luckily for Ishizu, Honda and Otogi chose that opportunity to walk by, drawing everyone's attention to them.

"Hey guys," Otogi said, playing with his now returned dice.

"Yeah, hey," Honda said. Everything seemed normal…Except for that fact that Honda had his arm around Otogi.

Bakura burst out laughing. "HAHAHA! POINTY BROWN HAIRED GUY AND DICE BOY….ARE LOVERS!!!!!"

Honda and Otogi immediately paled. "We are not!" Otogi said as he took a step away from Honda, who stepped away as well.

"Hey Ishizu, longtime no see!" Honda said, spotting Marik's sister.

Otogi turned to glare at Honda. "I step away for one minute and you're flirting with some girl! God, Honda, stop cheating on meeee!" And with that he ran away in tears.

"Otogi!" Honda cried out. "I just said hi! Wait! Otogi! I LOVE YOU!" So he ran after Otogi, who turned around and flicked his dice at the brunette. Of course, it turned into another big chase scene, but hey, couldn't you describe love as just that anyway?

Ishizu sniffed indignantly. "I'm leaving." She disappeared into thin air.

"I always knew there was something weird about her," Jonouchi said thoughtfully.

Marik would have said something had he not been unconscious.

Suddenly, a flying saucer (And not as in the kind that goes with a teacup) landed in front of everyone, nearly crushing Jonouchi!

"AAAAH!" Jonouchi yelled, jumping out of the way, just escaping death, which got Death very angry because everyone who's seen Final Destination _knows_ Death has a plan. "Hey, who's idea was it for me to get hit by a UFO?!"

Yami might have answered, but he was too busy drooling over Kaiba with little hearts floating around his head.

A hatch on the front of the space ship popped open and two green aliens slithered out. They weren't scary so much as weird; they each had four tentacles and five yellow eyes. Everyone gasped and jumped back in disgust or shock, except for Kaiba who wasn't fazed by anything and Bakura who was playing with a sharp object he had stolen from Ishizu.

"We have come to take over your pathetic planet. Resistance is futile," Alien Dude One said.

"All your base are belong to us," Alien Dude Two said.

Alien Dude One nodded, if that was possible, for he didn't seem to have any separation between his head and shoulders. "Yes, I did notice that. Why don't we have proper names?"

Out of the blue, Flashback Guy and Random Dude came riding in on Drumsticks.

"Join the club," Flashback Guy said.

"Yeah, just look at _our_ names!" Flashback Dude added bitterly.

So Flashback Guy tossed Alien Dudes One and Two official club jackets and they rode off.

"…Riiiiiiiiight…" said pretty much everyone.

"Anyway," Alien Dude One said, "Surrender now or we shall demolish you and your puny planet with our superior weaponry and intelligence." He then held up a stick. "Fear our ingenious weapon designs!"

Alien Dude Two nodded. "All your base are belong to us." He too held up a stick.

The Earthlings sweatdropped. Even Kaiba and Bakura, who had accidentally stabbed himself with the knife and later had it executed for treason.

"Now we shall blow up your planet using this…planet…blowing up…device…thing…" Alien Dude One said, throwing a small metal box at them, which landed at their feet with a thump.

THUMP.

Raising an eyebrow, Kaiba leaned forward a bit. "And how exactly does this work?" he asked skeptically.

Grinning, Alien Dude one said proudly, "Well, when I push this button," he held up a small red button, "this planet and everyone on it will blow up. And be…no more…" He lapsed into unintelligent cackling.

"All your base…" Alien Dude Two began.

"Shut up!" Alien Dude One interrupted. Then, with a glance at Kaiba, he pushed the button.

The Planet Blowing Up Device Thing began blinking and beeping.

"HAHA!" Alien Dude One laughed in victory. "Goodbye, Earthlings!"

As everyone else cowered, Kaiba only smirked. "But if this box will make this planet blow up, and you are currently on this planet, won't you blow up too?"

"Ummm…" the extra-terrestrial stopped to think about it for a moment. "Blast it! He's right! I thought you said this planet was populated by morons!!!"

"All your base are belong to us," came Alien Dude Two's reply.

Alien Dude One paused. "True…But we have to get out of here! Quickly! Flee!"

And, unable to refuse Kaiba's irrefutable logic, the two aliens returned to their ship and flew away, never to return again. Except maybe for a burger. Turns out Alien Dude 2 had a soft spot for fast-food.

Still, the Planet Blowing Up Device Thing kept beeping and blinking.

"Panic time! We're all gonna die!!!!" Jonouchi began running around in circles, tears flooding like rivers down his face.

Kaiba shrugged slightly. "Well…Seems that way…" Though he did sweatdrop at the blonde's overreaction.

Yami clenched his eyes shut and grabbed onto the closest thing to him – Kaiba, who sweatdropped even harder.

"Yo Ho!" Yugi said cheerfully with that deranged grin.

Again, Marik would have said something, but he was still unconscious.

Bakura grabbed Ryou and held him close to him. "Ryou, if we're going to die, I have to tell you something."

Doubting if Bakura could die -- he was a spirit, after all, didn't that make him already dead? – Ryou kept his thought to himself, wanting to hear what his yami would say.

"AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Yami squealed, clutching harder to Kaiba, who was finding it hard to breathe by now.

"Ryou," Bakura began, " I…lov-"

Just as Bakura was about to tell this important secret to Ryou, the Planet Blowing Up Device Thing gave one final loud beep. Everyone turned to stare at the little box when nothing happened. Unfortunately, the box didn't like being stared at…

. "Stop staring at meeee!!!" it yelled before surrounding them all in a blinding white light.

Then, all hell breaks loose…But that's a different story! In this story, our heroes now find themselves separated…

"We're all gonna die!!!!!" Jonouchi yelled, having continued his blind panicking once the light…well…blinded him. "Oh wait, I already said that…" So he stopped running around and took a look at his surroundings. "Hmm…Weird…I wonder where everyone else is? And why am I sitting in sand?

Yugi groaned.

"Oh, hey, Yug!" Jonouchi cried in glee, glad to have the company of his best friend once again. "Glad you're here!

" Yo ho…" the spiky duelist mumbled.

Jonouchi sweatdropped.

Elsewhere…

"Seto!" Yami cried. "Seto are you alright?!"

"Ugh…" the CEO groaned. "My head…I hit it on this…Pyramid?!" O.o

"Oh! Poor you!" Yami said, moving closer to 'inspect the bump on his head.'

" …Yami?" Kaiba asked, trying to move back but unable to. Why, you might ask. Well, maybe because Yami had 'accidentally' landed on the CEO's chest in their fall. Coincidence? I think not…"Could you get off me now?"

Yami feigned innocence. "Oh…I guess I 'accidentally' landed on you when we fell here…Hehehe…" However, he made no move whatsoever to get up.

Kaiba sweatdropped. "Ra, help me…"

And Elsewhere still…

"Ugh…" Bakura groaned, disentangling himself from his hikari. "Luckly we landed on something soft…What did we land in, anyway? What? Sand?" He looked up. "Pyramids? Ra, don't tell me we're in…"

Ryou nodded, guessing his unfinished thought. "Yup. Egypt, by the look of it."

Suddenly, Bakura froze. "Oh no…"

"What?" an alarmed Ryou asked.

" I've got…"

" …"

He turned to his hikari tearfully. "SAND IN MY HAIR!!!!"

Ryou sweatdropped. "Ra help us all."

Once again, Marik's unconsciousness prevented him from making a comment. Poor guy.

END

Oh that phrase _All your base are belong to us _is pretty popular. I don't own it though. So there.

Um, and I don't know if there really is a show on Animal Planet called Animal Cops. It just sounded good at the time.

What was Bakura about to tell Ryou? Why does The Planet Blowing Up Device Thing hate being stared at? Why in Ra's name is everyone in Egypt? WILL BAKURA EVER GET ALL THAT SAND OUT OF HIS HAIR?!?! Tune in next time to find out! And, as always, drop a review at the door! ALL of you! Yes, my mindslaves! Even you! (Cackles)


	8. Of Pyramids and Glomping

w00t! Next chapter!

Random story of the day: I have these dangly earrings with ankhs on the end. Someone said I looked like Marik today because of them. Hehe. Eventhough I think it was Odion/Rishid with the ankh earrings. Oh well. I have dangly dice earrings too! Sometimes I wear one and people are all like "Yay! Duke Devlin!" and that same person who commented on my ankh earrings is all, "Take the dice out, you're not Otogi!"

Here's another random story: My cat likes tearing pictures off of my closet doors (where there are a lot of random pictures…) I recently put a bunch of anime pictures up from a magazine (from a bunch of different shows). The ONLY one she ripped down was a picture of Inu Yasha, a DOG demon. I thought it was kinda funny…

Disclaimer: No.

On with the madness…

---Chapter 8: Pyramids, Glomping, and Sand in Bakura's Hair---

Ryou looked around his surroundings in wonder. "Wow! Lookit the pyramids! Do you see 'em, 'Kura? See 'em? They're so big! And…pointy! See 'em?"

Bakura, who was carrying an unconscious Marik on his back, seemed uninterested. "Yeah, yeah. Seen 'em, robbed 'em. Pointy. Wow." He readjusted the comatose Marik on his back. "Hey, why do I have to carry sleeping beauty here, anyhow?"

"Cuz you're so much bigger and stronger than me, 'Kura!" Then he gave the tomb robber his cutest smile.

The thief looked like he was going to gag. "Ugh, he gave me a cute nickname. 'Kura' doesn't exactly strike fear into the hearts of mortals. I mean, back in my day, everyone, even the big beefy palace guards shuddered at my name. I mean, if they saw me now, I'd be a laughingstock, a complete laughingstock!"

Ryou gave him sad puppy-dog eyes.

"Ah! Not the puppy-dog eyes! It's just…too…CUTE! Fine! Call me 'Kura. Call me banana for all I care!"

Ryou giggled. "Ok, banana."

Bakura sweatdropped.

"Now that we're in you're homeland, you can tell me stories about your childhood and we can visit all the places you used to hang out as a kid and you can show me all the pyramids you've robbed…Speaking of pyramid robbing, I bet there are a lot of archeologists here. Maybe my dad's in one of those pyramids right now!" His tone became bitter. "Don't know how I'd recognize him. Haven't seen the bloody sod for Ra knows how long."

The thief stopped. "Ok Ryou, calm down. You're getting a little too excited. When you get excited you slip into that godawful half-assed British accent. Oh, and FYI, I've robbed ALL of these pyramids. Impressed?"

The British (or so says he) teen shook his head. "No. Stealing is bad."

Bakura sweatdropped.

Marik probably would have too, but alas, our main character was still out cold.

--

Meanwhile, Yami and Kaiba were wondering where everyone else was.

"Gee, I wonder where everyone else is," Yami said to Kaiba.

"They're probably around here somewhere. I suppose we should go find them." To himself, he muttered, "Gods know, I don't want to be alone with you any longer."

"What was that?"

Clearing his throat, Kaiba said, "I said 'Let's go.' Watch out for pyramids though. They're dangerous."

And so the two reluctant travel companions (or maybe Kaiba was the only reluctant one) began walking in a random direction. Why? Well, because the pyramids were really the only landmarks to go by. There were no people, though if there were, both of them were too proud to ask for directions. So they set off.

"I wonder if Yugi's ok," Yami mused aloud.

"Awww, worried about your hikari?" Kaiba asked in a sarcastic tone. "How sweet. Note the sarcasm."

The Pharaoh turned to him. "Well, Seto, I'd be worried about you if I didn't know where you were…"

Kaiba's eyes went wide.

Yami shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, well, Seto…The thing is…I…like you…"

Kaiba's eyes went wider as he started walking faster away from the Pharaoh.

"Maybe 'like' isn't the right word…" Yami corrected. "More like 'lust'…Yeah."

That was the last straw. The proud, fearless CEO of the multibillion dollar Kaiba Corp broke into a run.

"Seto!" Yami called. "Wait! We should stay together!"

"No thanks!" Kaiba called back over his shoulder

"No, I mean it's dangerous out there if you're alone!"

Kaiba stopped running and turned around. "I think I'd rather face the most dangerous conditions of the desert than stay here and listen to how you…like…me…" He shuddered.

"Lust," Yami corrected.

Kaiba sweatdropped as he started backing away from the lusting Pharaoh.

"Seto! Wait!"

Kaiba shook his head violently.

"No! Watch out for that-"

BANG!

OOOOH!

"Pyramid," Yami finished as he shook his head.

Kaiba's eyes were all swirly. "Thanks…for the…warning…" He passed out.

"Seto!" The Pharaoh rushed over to his fallen rival. "Seto? My poor, poor Seto." He sat down and cradled the CEO's head in his lap.

Suddenly, the ground began to tremble! The shaking appeared to be coming from the pyramid that Kaiba had literally 'run into'.

"Who dares disturb my slumber?!" a deep, yet familiar voice demanded.

"Why does that voice sound so familiar?" Yami glanced down at Kaiba, but the unconscious teen's face held no answers.

"Hello?! I know you're out there!" the voice shouted. "Answer me, Ra damnit! It's rude not to answer a question directed at you!"

Silence.

"Curses! I shall go out there and destroy you!"

A shadowy figure emerged through the wall of the pyramid. Though Yami could clearly see every detail of his clothes – the long purple robes embroided in gold, the tall headdress – the man was transparent, and Yami could see the individual cracks between the yellowed bricks of the pyramid.

"Nice hat!" Yami cried in glee.

The man, who looked very familiar, sweatdropped.

"I mean, who are you? And why are you dressed as a high priest? And…WHOA! You look just like Seto! Wait! Set????"

"My Pharaoh?" the man, who sounded like Kaiba, asked in startled manner. "Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

Yami nodded. "Yeah, it has! What's up with my favorite high priest?! Hey, this isn't your pyramid…"

"No," Set agreed. I was just borrowing it." He paused and sniffed. "I didn't get a pyramid.

"I didn't get one either…I was buried in the Valley of the Kings…I think…I don't really remember…Maybe…" He knocked on the pyramid. "Yo, body, you in there?"

"…"

"Nope," Yami said, straightening up. "Guess I'm not in there. What?" he asked when he noticed Set was staring at him strangely.

Set shook his head. "Nothing. Hey…You still don't…like…me, do you?"

Yami didn't answer at once. "I think 'lust' would be a better word."

Looking down, Set sweatdropped. That was when he noticed the unconscious billionaire. "Whoa!" the high priest exclaimed. "Who's he? He looks just like me! At least, he looks like what I remember me looking like…Haven't really looked into a mirror for a couple of thousand years…"

Yami nodded. "Yeah, that's Seto. He's you."

"He's me? But…I'm me…"

"Well, yeah, but you're dead."

Gasping, Set cried, "What?! I'm dead?!"

"Well, yeah…We lived thousands of years ago, remember? Though that exact number seems hard to find these days, between the dubs and the original…"

"Oh yeah. Guess I forgot. Damn dubs."

Yami sweatdropped. "Anyway, he's you…in the future…Your future self…You're his past self…That is, you're the same people…Just in different time frames? Er…You getting any of this?"

Set shook his head. "Not a word of it." He leaned closer to Kaiba. "He's so…pale…Hey, so are you. You guys sick?"

"No, people are pale in Japan, I guess."

Suddenly, Kaiba started mumbling in his sleep. "MMmmmmMm…Blue Eyes White Dragon…White Lightning Attack! Obliterate them all…My…Great…Beast…"

Set raised an eyebrow and leaned closer to the CEO's face, trying to verify that this sleeping person really was him.

"No!" Kaiba moaned. "Not…Exodia...!"

Set leaned even closer to Kaiba's face; now they were mere inches apart. He had said something about the Blue Eyes White Dragon, Set's monster.

"YAMI, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!!" the comatose CEO shouted, writhing in his sleep.

Yami's eyes went wide. "I didn't touch him!" the Pharaoh said defensively.

Set's eyes narrowed. "You've been hitting on him, haven't you?!"

"Well…" Yami stammered. "Uhhh…."

"So when I'm not around you just go bothering my future self…Er…Reincarnation?"

Frowning, Yami asked, "Isn't that a flower?"

"No, Pharaoh dear, you're thinking of a carnation, a perennial plant of the pink family with fringed petals, widely grown for its fragrant white, pink, or red flowers often smelling of cloves. Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2004. © 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved."

"Hmm, copyright too, huh? Nice touch."

Set shrugged. "Yeah, well, don't want to get sued."

Kaiba rolled over in his sleep. "Mmmm, white rice…sticky white rice…"

Yami and Set stared at each other in confusion.

"I can cook. I'm a great cook. I do make my own Pokemon food. Yup, I'm gonna be a Pokemon breeder one day. You're pretty, wanna be my girlfriend?" (AN: Hopefully you all know that the guy who does Kaiba's English dub also does Brock's dub in Pokemon)

Yami and Set exchanged one more confused look before turning back to Kaiba.

"Yami…" A small smile spread over his lips. "Do that again…"

"Gods." Set covered his face in embarrassment. "He _can't _be _my_ reincarnation…"

Yami winked at him. "Oh but he is. Which means you must share similar feelings about me!"

Set shoved him. "You wish."

Kaiba gave a shudder then woke up. "YAAAAAWN…Ow, my head…" He stretched and opened his eyes. That was when he saw Set leaning over him. "AHHHHH!"

Set jumped back onto Yami. "AHHHHH!"

Smirking, Yami held the surprised priest. "See? I told you! Shouldn't deny your feelings, my dear priest."

The priest glared at his Pharaoh.

"Who are you?!" Kaiba asked, his eyes slightly wide in shock.

"I am Set, High Priest of the Millennium Rod, sworn to protect my Pharaoh with my Millennium Item and my own life if need be." Set recited.

Yami giggled. "I'm that Pharaoh!"

Set sweatdropped. "Yes, unfortunately he's the Pharaoh I am sworn to protect with my life."

Kaiba shook his head in pity. "Sorry about that. Hey, how do you get rid of him?"

"I don't know." Set shook his head. "Alas, I could only escape him in death."

"Uh, I'm still here, you know," Yami put in angrily, a tick mark appearing on the side of his face.

Kaiba shook his head in a very Set-like manner. "Wow. Sucks. Well, I'll look it up on the internet when I get home. Someone's gotta know how to get rid of a 3,000 year old Pharaoh."

Yami sat down dejectedly and started drawing doodles in the sand.

"Was it really only 3,000?" the priest asked. "I coulda sworn it was 5,000."

"It might have been," Kaiba said. "I don't think anybody knows. Damn dubs…"

Yami sighed and stood up. "Ok, guys, I think we should go find everyone else now. They may be in danger." He paused. "…And I need to get to other people…You two are depressing me…"

"Everyone else?" Set asked.

Yami nodded. "Yes, friends from my time. Our time. No, not your time. This time. That is, now, the present…Ra, I'm confused…"

"Don't hurt yourself," Kaiba said, eyeing the Pharaoh strangely. "Let's go."

Apparently Yami saw something in that gaze, something he couldn't quite place because he held it until Kaiba shook himself and turned away. Yami shrugged it off and stared to follow the CEO.

Set, who had watched the exchange of stares, knew what it was though. He knew and he smiled, thinking to himself that it would be very fun to stay with them and see how things played out.

--

"I still have sand in my hair!" Bakura cried miserably.

Ryou sweatdropped.

"Do you know how hard it is to keep my hair this perfect shade of white?! Do you know how much I have to brush it everyday to make it semi-presentable?! Do you know how hard sand is to get out of hair?! "

"Yes. Well, maybe not the part about sand…But other than that, yes!"

"So you don't understand! You just don't understand, maaaaaaan!"

"Suck it up!" Ryou snapped.

Bakura's eyes widened. "Hey, I'm supposed to be the evil, scary, sadistic one…"

Ryou pouted. "I can be sadistic if I want to…"

"Hehe."

"…Did you just…giggle…?"

"No."

"Yes, I think you did."

"Prove it!"

Ryou looked at his feet. "I can't."

"HAHA! I WIN!"

The tomb robber was about to do his victory dance when the weight on his back shifted.

"Ugh…" Marik said, reaching a hand up to rub his head. "What happened? Where am I?" He noticed the white, fluffy hair beneath his hands. "Huh? Bakura, is that you?"

"Oh good, you're awake," the tomb robber said cheerfully before cheerfully dropping the Egyptian on his ass.

Said Egyptian hit the ground with a thud. "Owwww…Hey, seriously, where are we? What's with all the sand?" He looked up and noticed the pyramids. "Egypt? I've returned home? Oh Ra, I suppose this means I'll have to visit Uncle Bob, Auntie Beatrice, and Granny now…"

Ryou and Bakura favored him with a funny stare.

"What? As if you don't have weirdo relatives with odd names…"

The hikari and the yami shrugged.

"So, what's the plan?" Marik asked, getting up and brushing the sand off of him. "Gods," he muttered, "I've got sand in my hair. Looks like I'll need to make _another_ appointment with the hairdresser!"

Bakura jerked a thumb at him. "You beat it. You're annoying me."

"Hmmm…I don't think I like that plan…" the Millennium Rod Wielding Psycho said.

"Oh, but I do," the Lighter Wielding Psycho answered.

A slow grin spread across Marik's face. "Wait, do you want me to go so you can be alone with Ryou? Hmmm? So then you two can fondle each other in private?"

"No!" the tomb robber shouted. "Wait, ok, actually, yes. Now get outta here or I'll have to send you off to sleep again!"

"Not if I make you into a mindslave first!" Marik cried, pulling his weapon of choice – the Millennium Rod, of course – out of its belt loop. He swung it in a large arc, where it collided with Bakura's head.

"Bakura!" Ryou, who until this moment had been spacing-out cried.

Bakura stumbled back a step from the force of the blow. Marik smiled, eagerly waiting for the thief's eyes to go blank so he could command him.

"Ow!" Bakura yelled, grasping his head. "That really hurt! You nearly killed me!"

"You bastard!" Ryou added.

"You're already dead," Marik said offhandly. Bakura and Ryou shared an oh0yeah moment. "But why doesn't my Millennium Rod work?"

The wind picked up, blowing the sand across the desert, blocking out the view of the not-so-distant pyramids. A low whistling reached their ears, a whistling that sounded like someone was whistling the theme from _The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly_. The three looked towards the sound.

A man on horseback – ponyback, rather – emerged from the swirling sand.

"Flashback Guy!" The three cried in unison.

Flashback Guy dismounted. "Yup, we just had to make an appearance in this chapter." Drumsticks snorted his agreement. "Yeah, but I don't suppose there are any TVs around here, are there?"

"No, you buffoon, we're in the middle of the desert," Bakura snapped.

"Well excuuuuuse me. Damn, now I can't do my job! I need a TV, damnit!"

Someone sighed behind him. "The Millennium Rod doesn't work because Marik hit Kaiba in the head with it, remember?"

Flashback Guy turned around. "That's right, but…Hey, Random Dude! What are you doing here?"

Random Dude snorted. "I haven't the foggiest. Want to take me home now that I've done your job for you?"

"Hmmm, well you didn't really do it since we didn't show the tape…but ok." He climbed up onto Drumsticks and held out his hand, which Random Dude grabbed. "But you get to do the paperwork for this one," he muttered as he pulled Random Dude up and they rode off into the not-sunset.

"…"

"Oh yeah!" Marik shouted. "Damn you, Seto Kaiba! Revenge!"

"Revenge this!" Bakura slammed into Marik back, bringing him to the ground. (AN: What is it about Egypt and my stories that makes everyone tackle each other?!)

"AHH!" Marik cried as he was tackled.

Ryou began laughing hysterically.

"What are you laughing at?" Bakura asked from his position on Marik's back.

"You two are so immature."

Bakura and Marik paused to stare at each other. With a shrug, they went back to fighting.

Ryou sweatdropped and sat down a ways away from them.

"HAHA!" Marik cried as he flipped Bakura over, ending up on top of the tomb robber.

"No fair!" he cried, struggling. "Get offa me! GET OFF! Whoa…" He suddenly stopped moving.

"What?" Marik asked, looking down at his captive curiously.

"You're on top of me…If you look at the way things are going…someone…maybe Ryou…might get the absurd idea…that we're going to start…well…making-out…"

"…"

Marik suddenly leaned down and pressed his face to Bakura's. Bakura struggled, but discovered that he really didn't mind what the blond was doing and went with it. The tomb robber rolled over so he was on top. Marik made a growling noise in his throat and flipped them back over. Soon, it was an all-out fight for dominance.

Ryou only laughed all the harder.

Just then, Kaiba and Set, led by their favorite Pharaoh, appeared over the closest sand dune.

"Yup, see?" said Pharaoh was explaining. "I told you I'd find them. This is my land after all, I'm the Pharaoh, Horus on earth! This land is in my blood and I can find whoever I want to so long as they are touching the sacred sand-covered land that is my birthright…HOLY RA! BAKURA AND MARIK?!"

Snorting, Kaiba detached himself from the group and went to sit down next to Ryou. "Love sucks," he muttered under his breath."

"Tell me about it," Ryou agreed, making Kaiba jump; the CEO thinking Ryou hadn't heard him. "Bakura's making-out with Marik right now. Kinda funny…No, really funny. Kinda sad though, because I thought he liked _me_. But whatever."

Kaiba snorted again. "Lucky you. I wish Yami would go away and make-out with someone."

"Yami?" Ryou asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Kaiba said moodily, a color slowly spreading over his face.

Ryou chuckled. "Oh dear. I don't suppose Yugi would like to hear that." He patted Kaiba's shoulder. "There, there."

Kaiba raised his eyes and looked at Ryou's hand, his blue gaze rising steadily until it reached Ryou's face.

Groaning, Ryou managed to get out, "I think I know what's going to happen nex-" before he was tackled by Kaiba.

"WOOOO!" Set called, watching as Kaiba assaulted Ryou's mouth with harsh and desperate kisses. "Go future me!"

"Seto…" Yami said mournfully.

"HEY!" Bakura yelled as he pushed Marik off him. "GOT YOUR HANDS OFF MY HIKARI!" He ran straight for Kaiba and attacked the off-guard CEO, ignoring his stunned hikari…for the moment.

Set looked around boredly…Until his gaze fell upon the Millennium Item in Marik's belt loop. "Hey!" he cried. "That's my Millennium Rod!"

Marik's eyes went wide. "Oh shit," he muttered before he ran like a horde of shadow monsters was after him.

"Hey!" Set called. "Get back here, you thief!"

Bakura paused in his pummeling of Kaiba. "Did someone say thief?"

"Haha!" Kaiba flipped Bakura over while the thief's guard was down. "You can't take me either!" he said arrogantly, looking down at Bakura.

"Yeah right." Bakura flipped back over on top with no trouble. "You were saying?"

"I was saying don't kiss me…" Kaiba mumbled.

"Hmmm…Well, the Pharaoh likes you…So kissing you would make him mad!" Bakura looked down at the CEO. "Besides, you are rather pretty…"

Kaiba sweatdropped. "Errr, don't you think we've had enough of that in this chapter?"

"There can never be enough yaoi!" some random yaoi fans, who magically appear whenever they hear the word yaoi, said in the distance.

Bakura sweatdropped. "Perhaps you're right…" He got off of Kaiba. "I'll just get back at the Pharaoh...some…other…way…uh…bye…" He sat down next to Ryou and drew little smiley faces in the sand. Then he blotted them out and glomped Ryou.

Kaiba nodded and went to watch his past self chase Marik around the desert, yelling promises of a slow and painful death if he ever caught the Millennium Item stealing thief.

"I'm the thief! Get it right!" Bakura yelled, though he didn't know (or care) who was yelling it.

Meanwhile, Yami was standing all by himself feeling very lonely.

I wonder where Yugi went off to," the Pharaoh wondered sadly.

"Yo ho!"

Everyone paused.

"Did someone just say 'yo ho'?" Ryou asked

"Sounds like it's coming from a ways off," Bakura added. "It also sounds like someone's…singing it…"

"Singing? Oh gods, it better not be Malik again," Yami groaned.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Hello? They're singing 'yo ho'," Kaiba snapped.

"So?"

Marik snorted. "Well, it could only be one person. Baka Pharaoh."

Everyone nodded. Even Set, who had been secretly reading the story while everyone was yelling at Yami, so he knew who they were talking about.

"Yo ho?" Yami asked. "But, who is it? Why won't you tell me?! WHY?!"

END

Will Bakura beat the crap out of Seto for "touching his hikari"? Will Set ever get his Millennium Rod back? What's the meaning of life? Why are we here? Is death really only the beginning? …Now I want to watch The Mummy…

Oh, and since I had a bunch of stuff at the beginning of the chapter, here's the quote of the day:

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point. – Jack Handey

Finals are next week…Wish me luck!

Marik: Fail! Fail! FAAAIIIILLLL!!!!

…Gee, thanks…


	9. Holy Ra!

Quote of the Day: Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin, _Poor Richard's Almanack_

W31C0M3 70 407H3R IN57411M37 0F M4RIK'5 B0RING D4Y!

Cough…Right. I blame Mega-Tokyo. My newest addiction. (Curse you, Yuumi-chan! XD) Anyway, in case you're all wondering I passed finals a while ago. W00t! Yeah, things have been a bit crazy, but I'm finally updating!

Previously on Marik's Boring Day…Everyone was tackling each other. Set was chasing Marik around, trying to get his Millennium Rod back and yelling "Thief!" followed by Bakura yelling, "I'm the thief!" Suddenly, a voice singing "Yo ho!" was heard in the distance. Who could it be!

Yami: I don't know!

(Sweatdrop)

0N WI7H 73H MaDn35Z…

!Chapter 9: Holy Ra!

Two figures appeared on the horizon as the mysterious "Yo ho" Drunken Pirate song drew nearer.

"Who are you!" Yami cried to the figures.

"You mean…You haven't guessed?" Ryou asked, incredulously.

Yami looked confused. "Umm…Should I have?"

"Oh come on!" Ryou cried. "We all know who it is! Isn't that right, everyone?"

"Yes," Bakura and Kaiba, who were too afraid to get close to each other but weren't too afraid to send death glares at one another, said.

Marik and Set stopped in mid-chase. "Yup!" they cried before continuing their wild run.

Yami glared at his priest. "And just how would you know?"

Set held up a stack of papers. "I've been reading the script."

"Isn't that breaking the fourth-wall law?" Kaiba asked.

Set shrugged. "What are they going to do to me? I'm dead."

At that moment, Set got struck by lightning.

"Ow." The priest rubbed his head. "That smarts."

Kaiba rolled his eyes.

"Are you alright, Seto?" Yami asked, taking a seat by his favorite CEO.

"Fine," the CEO muttered. "Fine, fine, FINE!"

"Umm…Are you sure? You seem…Troubled…"

Bakura, who was listening in on their conversation, snorted. "When doesn't he?"

Yami glared at him.

"Well it's true!" the thief snapped. "He's always got something going on! It's always angst, angst, angst with him! So you run a company! Big deal! Get a psychologist!"

"That didn't help," Kaiba said miserably.

"Seto?" Yami asked again, putting a hand on the troubled teen's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Kaiba turned to him, looking him straight in the eye. "Yami, answer me this: How long have we been apart of this little fanfic?"

"Ummm…Eight chapters?"

Sighing, Kaiba said, "Yes, yes. But how long is a chapter in minutes or hours or days?"

"Um, Seto? Where are you going with this?"

"Have you noticed any night scenes?" Kaiba exclaimed, standing up. "Any at all?"

Yami stood up also, very slowly. "Well, no…"

"Exactly!" he shouted. "None at all! It's like this has just been one long day…One very…very…long day…"

Yami opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, then closed it, deciding it would be safer not to.

"It's like…It's like…The day that never ends…" The brunette trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes.

Yami still decided it would be better not to say anything, for fear of setting the high-strung CEO off.

Kaiba was also silent for a moment, staring off into space. Yami took a cautious step forward. Kaiba spun around, a half-crazed look in his cerulean eyes. That's when he started singing:

"This is the day that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started living it not knowing what it was! And they will keep on living it forever just because…"

Everyone stopped and watched in morbid fascination as the CEO of Kaiba Corporation finally snapped.

"…This is the day that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was! Now they will keep on singing it forever just because…"

Set inched over to Marik, who was holding the Millennium Rod between him and the crazed businessman as if it could somehow protect him if Kaiba decided to charge. "So I'm a crazy lunatic in the future?" he whispered to the Egyptian.

Marik nodded, a look of utmost horror on his tanned face. "Yup. Basically."

Yami took another step forward. "Seto?" he asked quietly.

Bakura chuckled. "Always knew ol' moneybags would lose it someday. I'm just glad I was around ta see it."

Ryou looked askance at him. "Bakura? I think you've been hanging around Jonouchi for just a little too long…"

"…THIS IS THE DAY THAT NEVER ENDS! YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS! SO-"

Finally, Yami took action. "SETO! SNAP OUT OF IT!" he yelled, right before he slapped the singing brunette.

Kaiba's eyes went wide. He didn't say anything at first.

"Thank the gods you've stooped him, Pharaoh," Bakura said.

Kaiba blinked and turned his gaze to the spiky Pharaoh. "Thanks," he said shakily. "I needed that."

Yami shrugged. "Yeah, you did. It's ok though. I'm sure we're not missing anything in the real world. I mean, it's not like your company will crumble if you're gone for one really long day…" Yami winced, immediately realizing he shouldn't have said that.

"THE DAY THAT NEVER ENDS!" Kaiba shouted, once again going mad.

"SETO!" Yami shouted, grasping the brunette by his shoulders. "Don't make me slap you again!"

Kaiba shook his head. "Ah…Terribly sorry…" With that said, he collapsed against a very happy Pharaoh.

"Tch. Wuss." Bakura muttered.

"Leave him alone!" Ryou snapped. "Who knows? His company could have been taken over while he was gone! He's allowed to have a mental breakdown!"

Bakura frowned. "Are you…Defending him?"

Ryou colored. "And what if I am?"

"Why, then I'll have to kill him."

"…Bakura…You get way too jealous. And you have anger management problems. I think I'll have to take you to a psychologist or something when we get out of this."

Bakura surveyed their other companions. "I think you'll have to take everyone to a psychologist," he said dryly.

The figures, formerly the figures on the horizon, were drawing nearer and nearer…Ok, well, they weren't actually drawing anything. It's just a figure of speech. I mean, how do you draw near on a piece of paper? Well, anyway, soon they're close enough so even Yami can tell who they are.

"Yugi! Jonouchi!" Yami cried, gently placing Seto down and rushing to meet his friends.

Jonouchi fell to his knees before the Pharaoh. "Please!" Jonouchi begged with a choked sob. "I can't take it any more! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Make what stop?" Yami asked.

"Won't you please make it stop? PLEASE!"

"What?"

"MAKE IT STOP!"

Growing tired of this, Bakura strode forward and grabbed the blond by the collar of his shirt. "And just what would 'It' be?"

Jonouchi looked up at the tomb robber with watery eyes and pointed a shaky finger at Yugi. "The…The…The…Yo ho song!" With that, he fell sobbing onto Bakura's shoulder.

Scowling, Bakura disgustedly threw the blond on top of Kaiba. "Problem solved."

Yami leaned forward to take a good look at his aibou. "And just what did he mean by that?"

"Yo ho!" Yugi said with a deranged grin.

Yami's face fell. "Oh yeah." He paused to think. "I think I like Ryou's idea. We all need to visit a good psychologist. But fist we need to get out of Egypt. And however will we do that?"

All of a sudden, the air in front of Yami begins to shimmer. A person materializes before the Pharaoh, a person wearing a white turban…

"Gasp!" Yami gasped. "It's Shadi!"

"Hey!" Bakura said, jumping up. "Didn't I send you to the Shadow Realm before?"

Shadi smirked. "That you did. But I know many tricks. I also have my Millennium Key to thank for that!" He motioned to the Key around his neck.

Smirking, Bakura shook his head. "No, that must be a fake Key, I have your Key in my pocket!" He reached into his pocket, planning to show the Key to everyone, then laugh in Shadi's face. Unfortunately, there was no Key in his pocket… "Holy Ra! It's gone! You stole it! You thief!"

Shadi shook his head. "No, you are mistaken. YOU are the thief."

"True," Bakura said. "But…Holy Ra! How did you get it back!"

"I would not speak the name of that particular god anymore."

"I mean, normally it wouldn't be such a big deal, but you stole from the King of Thieves! I'm a god! I'm like-"

"No!" Shadi shouted. "Don't say it!"

"Holy Ra, what are you talking about!"

The skies suddenly turned dark with storm clouds; strange, considering it was a bright and sunny day a few moments ago. Thunder rumbled ominously above, growling quiet curses at the eight confused characters, plus a seemingly all-knowing Shadi. Flashes of lightening illuminated their faces, some showing fear, others curiosity, others impassive, one even showing hunger.

Jonouchi's stomach rumbled as he lifted himself off the still-dazed Kaiba. "I'm hungry."

The clouds abruptly parted, revealing a golden birdlike figure descending towards them. Instead of feathers, this huge flying beast seemed to have golden scale like armor. A blue gem rested between its two fierce red eyes. A ferocious screech escaped its heavily toothed beak as it touched the ground gently before them.

Set, Marik, Yami, Bakura, and Shadi bowed down immediately, their eyes wide. "Ra!" they breathed.

Ryou, Seto (who had just recovered) and Jonouchi stood nearby, a tad confused by all this.

"Yo ho!" Yugi said, the deranged grin still plastered on his face.

Ra suddenly screeched again.

"Hey, isn't that a Duel Monsters card?" Ryou asked.

Kaiba nodded. "Y35, I7'5 73H WING3D-" He stopped and shook his head, trying to clear out the L33T. (Because everyone knows L33T in a common side-effect of being knocked-out…) "Yeah, it's the Winged Dragon of Ra," he said, looking around. "But I don't see any machines that could produce a hologram around here…Unless…" He paused and his eyes went wide. "The Egyptian Government stole some of my technology! I knew it! I knew they were after me, ever since that incident with the ninja bunny…"

Ryou raised an eyebrow. "Ninja bunny?"

Kaiba nodded, completely serious. "Yeah, Tried to kill me and steal the plans to the latest Duel Disk…But the it got scared and ran off when I showed it some moves of my own…" He took up a kung-foo stance that looked like it had come from a Jackie Chan movie.

"Ooook…" Ryou said.

Nodding vigorously, Kaiba said, "Yes, everyone's out to get me, are they? Well, I'll tell you one thing. They'll never take me alive!" He looked around for a window to jump out of, but of course, found none.

Ryou nodded. "Yeah. You really need to seek psychological help."

"You know, Yami said something like that too…"

Ryou shook his head and turned away. "Poor, poor Seto. He needs more help than all of us combined."

Meanwhile, back at the Egyptian Government Head Quarters…-

The Head Government Guy was pacing in front of a large round table in a dark room with TV monitors all around. On one monitor, was the Kaiba Mansion. On another, Seto Kaiba himself, showing off quite a few of his kung-foo moves. "Agent Double 007 ½ ," he said in a gruff voice. "Have you succeeded with your mission? Have you the plans?"

Agent 007 ½, who is actually a small white rabbit, scrunched his nose in a bunny-like manner.

"What!" Head Government Guy shouted. "You have failed! Even after all the extensive and expensive ninja training we have put you through, you have failed this, your life's mission, and the only thing you have been trained for!"

The bunny wiggled its nose.

Head Government Guy rolled his eyes. "I don't care if he was expecting you! That's no excuse!"

The agent bunny sat up and flapped its ears.

"What! No, you are most certainly NOT getting paid!"

The bunny blinked.

Head Government Guy snorted. "What? Well, fine! Go on and quit! I don't care!"

Agent 007 ½ blinked and began to hop away.

"…Wait!" Head Government Guy shouted. "I'm sorry! Look, we both said some things we didn't mean…Let's just forget it and go have a drink. Your treat!"

The bunny turned around and lunged at Head Government Guy, much like the bunny from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_.

"AHHH! It's a most ill tempered bunny!" Head Government Guy shouted. Then he died.

Right…Back to everyone else…-

"Oh, holy Ra!" Shadi said with reverence, once again falling to his knees.

"Merciful Ra!" Yami said, following suite.

"Righteous Ra!" Set said, also bowing in respect.

Marik, who couldn't think of a word big enough to encompass all of the god's greatness, fell to his knees to think. "Ummm…Kind, compassionate, compassionate Ra!"

Bakura only snorted and got up to stand by Ryou.

"Bakura!" Ryou gasped, his eyes going wide. "You just turned you back on your god!"

"And?" Bakura asked, rather bored. "Your point is?"

Ryou didn't know what to say. "Well…Umm…Won't he be…angry?"

"And strike you down with lightning or something?" Jonouchi added.

"Yo ho?" Yugi asked.

Bakura sweatdropped. "Silly children and their silly fairytales."

Shadi looked up at the deity from his crouched position. "What is it you desire of us, oh divine Ra?"

"Squawk!" Ra squawked.

"Pardon, your excellency?" Yami asked, half fearing he, the Pharaoh, would be punished for making one much greater than he repeat himself.

Ra squawked again.

"Please, say it again," Set said gently, "that we may understand and cater to your wishes."

Ra ruffled his golden feathers in a very bird-like manner before giving a loud squawk.

"Wait!" Marik exclaimed, jumping up. "I can understand what the mighty god is trying to tell us!"

The three prostrate figures immediately leaped up to gather around Marik.

"What is it?" Shadi asked.

"Are we in great peril?" Yami asked, expecting the worst, as usual. "Are we to be sacrificed for his amusement? Or must I yet again save the world?"

"No…" Marik said, shaking his head. "He says…He wants…Some brownies!"

Shadi, Set, and Yami sweatdropped. "What?"

Ra also sweatdropped. "Squawk?"

Sighing, Kaiba spoke slowly and clearly as if he were speaking to children. Moronic children who couldn't understand the sky was blue. Which, according to him, he was. "No, he's telling us the way to get home."

Ra squawked once again and ruffled his feathers happily.

Everyone else stared at Kaiba in awe.

"What?" Kaiba asked, a bit uncomfortable under all their stares.

"Hey," Set said, "how come if we're the same person, he understood that and I didn't?"

"The memories of his past are coming back to him," Shadi said, nodding sagely.

Yami laughed. "Ha!" he said, pointing a finger at Kaiba. "I told you you couldn't hide from your past!"

"But…I'm his past…" Set protested. "If his past comes back to him…What happens to me?"

"So, how do we get out of here?" Yami asked, ignoring Set.

"He said something like, 'Sit down and think. The answer will come to you.'" Kaiba said with a shrug. "Whatever that means."

Ra gave one final squawk, as well as a nod of approval to Kaiba, then flew away. As he did so, the stormy skies cleared, revealing two large stones that weren't there before the bird-like deity had appeared.

"So turban-head," Bakura said, eyeing Shadi with something between hate and amusement (he was trying not to laugh at the turban on the Egyptian man's head), "what are you here for?"

"Actually, I just came to tell you just what Ra told you," Shadi said, glaring at the thief. "So, I guess I'll be leaving now." He nodded and disappeared in his mysterious…Shadi…way.

Kaiba sniffed. "He could at least have told us what we have to do to get out of this dump."

Set glared at his reincarnation. "This 'dump' as you so put it was my home in life," he said icily.

Kaiba only glared. "That doesn't change the fact that it is still a dump."

Set matched him glare for icy glare.

Ryou started shivering.

"Stop it!" Bakura shouted, hitting them both on the back of the head. "You're making us all cold. "He turned to the Pharaoh. "So. What do we do?"

Yami smirked. "And why are you asking me? Is it because you're finally ready to admit that I am, and always have been, superior to you in every conceivable way?"

Bakura grinned. "No, it's just that at this point, your guess is as good as mine, Pharaoh dearest. And if that guess turns out to be wrong, I'd rather it be your fault and your hide that gets flayed when everyone hunts you down seeking revenge."

Yami sweatdropped. "Right. Well, I guess these stones are portals to take us back home…"

"So what are we s'posed to do?" Marik asked, scratching the back of his head. "Sit on 'em?"

Groaning, Yami said, "I hate to say this, I mean REALLY hate it, but I think Marik's right."

"Really?" Marik asked. "W00t!"

"Ugh, if Marik thought it up, it won't work," Bakura remarked.

"But that god made it up," Ryou said. "Ra or whatever."

Bakura snorted. "So? It's probably just a set-up to make us look stupid and to provide entertainment to the gods. I'll bet that was really Seth in disguise."

"Seth?"

"God of chaos. Duh."

"Well excuse me for not knowing _your_ religion."

"Hey now, guys," Marik said. "There's no need to be-"

"SNIPPY!" Everyone finished.

Marik looked shocked. "Wow," he said in awe. "How'd you know I was going to say that!"

Everyone else sweatdropped.

"No, seriously!" Marik insisted. "Ok, I'm thinking of a word…"

"Snippy," Bakura said flatly.

Marik gasped. "Ok now, that's just creepy. One more time…"

"Snippy," the tomb robber said again.

Marik put his hands over his ears. "Get out of my head, Tomb Robber! All of you, OUT!"

"Tch. Not like there's anything to see in there…"

"OUT!"

"Shut up!" Yami shouted. "I'm going to choose which stone to sit on-"

"Who died and made you Pharaoh?" Bakura asked bitterly.

"Umm…Probably my father…The previous Pharaoh. I'm _the_ Pharaoh, remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

Yami nodded and sat down on the stone to the left of him. "I choose this one!"

Suddenly, a blinding green light surrounded them and they felt themselves being pulled into the stone. "I blame you, Pharaooooooh!" Bakura yelled before everyone was sucked completely in.

Ryou grabbed onto Bakura, who was screaming his head off. Set was flailing around and accidentally hit Kaiba on the head. Yami hung onto Yugi who kept shouting "YO HO!" at the top of his lungs, but managed to grab onto the nearly unconscious Kaiba as well. Jonouchi was still complaining about how hungry he was, even though they were currently flying through space. And Marik was holding on to his Millennium Rod for dear life.

Meanwhile, our favorite turbaned Egyptian was sitting in a cushy armchair by a pool at a nearby resort, drinking a glass of Sprite with a little umbrella in it. Not surprisingly, his newest partner in crime, Pegasus, was dozing in a similar chair next to him.-

"Well, I guess that went well," the Egyptian said, taking a sip of his soda before choking on it. "I didn't tell them which stone would take them home! Holy Ra!"

Ra, who also had a drink with an umbrella in it, squawked rather loudly at this.

"Sorry, it's an expression…Oh well, they'll be fine as long as they don't chose the stone on the left. Right?"

Ra squawked again and nodded.

Shadi nodded back. "So. Up for a game of Twister?"

Noa suddenly jumped out of the pool before them in a blatant Matrix rip-off scene, pausing in the air for as moment before landing in front of them and covering them with water. "I'm game!" he shouted.

Shadi and Ra sweatdropped.

END

What will happen next! No one knows…Well, I do…But you don't…


	10. Insert Funny Music Here

Quote of the Day: Five exclamation points, the sure sign of an insane mind. –Windle Poons, _Reaper Man_ by Terry Pratchett

W00T! Chapter 10! We're almost to 11, which is as far as I got last time before they took MBD down!

Random Dude: (Hopefully) Does this mean the next chapter's gonna be the end?

Gods, no! Who knows when this will end?

Random Dude: But…But…I want OUT! (Breaks down sobbing)

Flashback Guy: (Pats Random Dude awkwardly on the shoulder) There, there…

Well, I know I haven't done this before, but since it's chapter 10 and MBD's gotten over 50 reviews, I think it's time for some SHOUT OUTZ!

**Sami Ryou's Hikari- **Really? It was the best chapter? Yeah, I kinda liked it too. O.O Wow, looks like you liked a lot of stuff! Hehe, thanks!

**Evening Angel**- I don't usually pay attention to proper grammar! Well, until the stupid squiggly lines on Word come up and tell me to… V.V

**Tenshi no Shibo**- O.O Umm…You're welcome you're welcome you're welcome…. (Lost count) Anyway, I'm glad you were so looking forward to it!

**Lycoris no Tasogare**- I think I spelled your name right… (Gets dizzy from the shaking .) And look at the bottom before you start shaking me, please! And I really don't mind the MegaTokyo thing. Obsessions are good. 4nd 3y3 h4v3 m4d l33t 5k1llz. Though not as much as Largo-sensei. 3y3 571ll h4v3 much 70 l34rn 4b0u7 t3h 4lm1gh7y l33t.

**Evil Kitty of Doom**- Hehehe, I don't know if you knew this, but I usually put "of Doom" at the end of everything…And I'm addicted to coffee! In fact, I want some now…Coffee…(Twitch) O.O Please, I want to feel no doom! (Cowers) I'm typing, I'm typing, just please, KEEP THE Q-TIPS OF DOOM AWAY FROM ME! (Cowers more) (Forgets about cowering and gets some coffee)

**AlterEthereal**- Lovely. And just what is this "CCB" you speak of? XD Just kidding, I remember! Jeez, it seems like it's been so long! Has it really been that long? How long? Why, I don't know how long, do you? (Cough) Sorry, maybe coffee's not such a good idea…Anyway, take you're time, Baka and co. can wait!

**Shadow over Egypt**- Your computer broke AGAIN? Poor you! But wait, does this mean you can't update Four Hours? (Agonizing scream) NOOOOOO! But you left off at such a…nice…part! (Starts twitching again) Bakura…Yami…(Twitch) Yes, well, since you asked so nicely, here's the next chapter! I hope this cheers you up!

**Dark Magician Girl Hikaru**- Yes, I remember you! Thanks for coming back! Is this as funny as the old one? Does anyone remember the old one? Lol. I'm kinda liking this one better than the old one…

**p6zytvnc**- Thanks! I try…

Bakura: _Try _to humiliate us…

Hush! (Stuffs Bakura into a bag) Speaking of, I don't own him or anyone else in this except for the characters I _do_ own!

Bakura: That didn't make any sense!

(Stuffs Bakura back down) I don't own Star Trek or the Twilight Zone either! See previous disclaimers! Ok, 3, 2, 1, let's jam!

Warnings: Shounen-ai, as always. If you didn't know that by now, you obviously haven't been reading…

Chapter 10: The Twilight Zone! Dodododo dodododo

Seto slowly sat up and rubbed the back of his head, where it had apparently hit…Nothing.

He blinked. Wait. Nothing?

Opening his eyes, Seto saw that he was indeed surrounded by nothing…Nothing but stars and the depths of space. "Where am I?" he asked in awe. Well, as close to awe as Seto Kaiba can come to.

_Space_, a disembodied voice said. _The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Star Ship Enterprises. Her five year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilization, to boldly go where no man has gone before!_

Seto sweatdropped. "These are _not_ the voyages of the Star Ship Enterprise. Star Trek doesn't exist, it was created by losers who read too much scifi and had nothing better to do." Scoff Scoff.

All of a sudden, a space ship flew by. Voiceswere coming from inside, voices that Seto can strangely hear.

"Captain's Log," said one voice. "Star date…Uh…Star date…Number One?

"Yes, sir?" asked another voice.

"What's the star date?"

The ship was out of hearing distance after that, so poor Seto didn't get to hear the star date. He didn't seem too disappointed, however. He seemed to be pondering another important question.

"There can't be sounds in space," he scoffed. "There are no air molecules for sound to bounce off of, therefore-"

"Do you always have to be so smart?" a new voice inquired.

"Yes. Wait. Who are you?" Seto drew himself up to his full height. "I demand you show yourself. Now."

A large man in a black suit and sunglasses stepped out of…er, well nowhere. They're in space, remember? Not much to hide behind, unless they were near a planet or something…But, anyway, said man had hair that was pointier than Honda's.

"Gasp!" Seto gasped. "It's you! That nameless thug whose ass I kicked at Duelist Kingdom!"

Nameless thug bristled. "Excuse me, I do have a name and it was used at Duelist Kingdom. I'm Kemo, remember?"

Seto snorted. "Yeah. Right. Like I'd bother to remember a lowly henchman's name."

Kemo growled. "So, have you seen Mr. Pegasus?"

"No."

"Damn. I need to find him. I want a raise."

The CEO frowned at the obvious plot-hole. "And you're looking for him in the depths of space because…?"

Kemo shrugged. "I opened a door and I was here. You're the genius, you tell me how that works."

"Maybe you're the boogeyman." (AN: XD Fun movie)

"Maybe…Hey, but since we're both here, how about I get revenge for what happened at Duelist Kingdom by kicking your scrawny ass?"

Seto rolled his eyes. "And just how are you going to do that?" Scoff Scoff.

Kemo grinned. "With this!" He held up his finger at the CEO.

Seto frowned. "Hey. There's no need for rude hand gestures…"

Kemo looked down at his finger. "Whoops! Wrong finger! I meant," he held up his index finger, nodded, and pointed it at Seto, "this!"

Seto gasped in a very Yami-like manner. "Oh no! It's the…the…the…Gunfinger!"

Kemo nodded. "Yes, that's right. The very finger that would be on the trigger if I was holding a gun right now. The Gunfinger. And you know what? I'm going to shoot you with it. Goodbye, Mr. Kaiba."

Unfortunately for Kemo, or fortunately for Kaiba, glass empty glass full, et cetera, Bakura and Marik chose that exact moment to run by arm in arm, waving Bakura's lighter crazily. The set behind them caught on fire and burned down, the smoke causing Kemo's eyes to water and his vision to waver.

"Ah!" Kemo yelled. "My eyes! I can't aim!" The Gunfinger went off, hitting an innocent bystander.

Random Dude lurched forward, clutching a gaping hole in his side. "This is it! The end! My last scene!" He fell forward a few steps, clutching Seto's shoulder dramatically. "I'm…dying! Goodbye, cruel-"

"Don't you dare finush that lame, over-used cliché!" Ryou shouted, stepping in.

"- world!" Random Dude ignored him. "Please," he asked Seto, speaking very low and serious. "Please. Tell Flashback Guy that I…That I…That I…" Random Dude never finished his sentence. He fell down, dead.

Seto gasped.

Ryou shrugged. "He'll be back."

Seto looked at him blankly. "What? Oh. No, I meant, this was all a set?"

Ryou sweatdropped.

"I mean, I knew it had to be, there's no sound in space-"

Ryou ignored the ranting brunette and turned around, tsking. "Look what those two imbeciles have done! They've burnt down the set! Now it looks like a blank Word Document!"

Gasping, Seto spun around, his eyes wide. "Not a blank Word Document!"

Ryou and Kemo, gave him a strange look.

Seto shook his head. "No. You don't understand…"

Flashback Guy rode in at that moment. He tilted his hat at the CEO. "You want a flashback?"

Seto nodded. "And look! There's a convienantly placed TV floating in emptyspace right over there!"

Flashback Guy clapped his hands in glee. "Yay!" He rushed over and jammed the tape in. "Alrighty then. Whenever you're ready, richboy."

"I can remember it just like it was yesterday…" Seto began as Flashback Guy hit play.

A younger version of Seto appeared on the screen. He was sitting in front of a laptop. "Homework! Homework! Homework! Must do homework!" he was chanting happily to himself.

The blank Word Document on the computer screen remained blank.

"LadeedadeedaHOMEWORK!" little Seto sang. "Gotta write an essay!"

The blank Word Document remained blank.

Little Seto picked up the paper his assignment was written on and abruptly stopped his happy singing. "What!" he yelled as he read the paper. "Ancient Egypt? I have to write a report about some moldy old Pharaoh named Yami! But I don't want to! Who cares about the past? I hate Egypt!" Little Seto pouted.

The blank Word Document remained blank.

Little Seto glared at the laptop. "I hate you too!"

Words suddenly appeared on the screen. "Well I hate you too!" they said.

Little Seto gasped.

More writing appeared on the screen, "…"

Then the computer crashed.

"NOOOO!" Little Seto wailed.

End Flashback! (This has been a product of the Flashback Company. All rights reserved. Ph34r t3h c0pyr1gh7 0f d00m.)

Ryou and Kemo sweatdropped.

Seto looked strangely at Flashback Guy. "Hey, how'd you get here, anyway?"

"Oh, I have my ways," he said mysteriously. Drumsticks snorted an agreement.

Seto sweatdropped.

"Hey, flashbacks look fun!" Kemo exclaimed. "I wanna turn!"

Flashback Guy shrugged and reached into one of Drumstick's many saddlebags. He pulled out a tape and stuck it in the VCR. "All yours, big man."

Kemo nodded. "It happened when I was young…"

A younger Kemo appeared on the screen. He was running. Running for his life.

"AHHHH!" he yelled. "RUN AWAY! THE RABID SQUIRRELS ARE ATTACKING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! PH34R T3H 5QURR1L5!"

But the rabid squirrels were gaining on him. "WE'LL GET YOU, KEMO!" they yelled in unison in their little squeaky voices of doom. "WE'LL GET YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!"

"NO!" little Kemo cried. "NOT SCRUFFY!"

A little dog in the background tilted his head. "Bark?" he asked before the squirrels turned on him…

End Flashback! (This has been a product of the Flashback Company. All rights reserved. We said ph34r it, damnit!)

Ryou and Seto sweatdropped.

Kemo started crying. "Poor Scruffy!" he sobbed.

"Riiiiight…" Seto said. "Anyway, you're turn, Ryou."

"What?" Ryou asked.

"Now you have to do a flashback scene."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"That's not a good reason!"

Seto drew himself up to his full height, looking down at the shorter teen. "Because I'm Seto Kaiba and I said so."

Ryou cowered. "That's a good reason," he said meekly.

Kemo, who had stopped crying, bounced over to them. "What's your flashback gonna be of?"

Ryou frowned. "I don't know…Oh! I got one!"

Flashback Guy reached into another saddlebag and pulled out Ryou's tape. He put it in the VCR. "You go, albino-boy!"

Frowning, Ryou said, "I am not albino." Then he started his flashback. "This actually didn't happen too long ago…"

On the screen, Ryou was sitting on the edge of a bed. Bakura was standing in the doorway, his shirt unbuttoned, revealing his well toned abdomen.

"Bakura?" Ryou asked as his yami stared walking towards him, a predatory gleam in his dark brown eyes.

Bakura reached the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Ryou's chest, pushing the hikari down slowly. "Ryou," he said the name slowly, savoring every letter.

"Ba-Bakura?" Ryou asked again, looking up at his yami, who was leaning over him. Who was leaning very close over him. "What are you-"

"Shhh, hikari dearest," he said softly, leaning closer and finally silencing any further protests with a full of passion and lust.

The screen then went black, with big, bold white letters proclaiming the following scenes were "CENSORED."

End Flashback! (This has been a product of the Flashback Company. All rights reserved. We're still not feeling the ph34r! Ph34r it, mortals! PH33333333R!)

Ryou started blushing madly. "That is _not_ what I was thinking of!"

Flashback Guy shrugged. "Hey, don't blame me. I only play what the people at the Flashback Company tell me to."

"But I wasn't!" Ryou protested.

"Maybe it wasn't what you wanted us to see, but it was what you were thinking of," Seto pointed out. "When did the two of you have time to do that, anyway?"

"Uh…Well…"

"Shhh!" Kemo interrupted. "Speak no more of it! This story is PG-13!"

Seto nodded. "Our trigger-happy antagonist is correct. Speak no more of it." He paused. "Hey, do either of you know where we are anyway?"

"I know," Kemo said quietly. "We're in…The Twilight Zone!" (Dodododo dodododo)

"What?" Ryou asked, confused. "The Twilight Zone?" (Dodododo dodododo) "Whoa, where'd that music come from!"

Kemo shrugged. "It's the Twilight Zone-" (Dodododo Dodododo) "-music. Every time you say the Twilight Zone-" (Dodododo Dodododo) "that music pops up."

"Oh," Ryou said, still confused. "Well, is the," his voice dropped to a whisper, "Twilight Zone-" (Dodododo Dodododo) "Damn music! Anyway, is that like a distant cousin to the Shadow Realm or something?"

Seto shrugged. "Uh…No clue…But I have heard of this place! Weird things happen here!"

Marik and Bakura walked by, the lighter abandoned, swaying like a couple of drunks.

Yami walked up the wall, not noticing the three people watching him, or the fact that he was defying the laws of gravity.

Jonouchi fell down in front of them, probably collapsed from hunger.

"Uh, Seto?" Set asked as he walked up to them. "Where are we?"

"The Twilight Zone." (Dodododo Dodododo) Seto answered.

"Uh…Ok. So how do we get out of here?"

"We're working on it…"

At that moment, Pegasus walked by with a glass of "grape juice." "Ohh! Funny Bunny's on!" he cried happily as he ran to find a TV.

"Mr. Pegasus!" Kemo yelled. "Wait for me! I want a raise!" And so Kemo ran after him.

Ryou moved closer to Seto. "This place is scary…"

Set grinned and pushed Seto closer to Ryou.

"Will you stop it!" Seto yelled at his past-self.

"Well if you won't go out with the Pharaoh, why not him?" Set asked innocently enough.

Seto, getting redder by the moment, yelled "I don't need to 'go out' with anyone!"

"Actually," Set mused aloud, "the Pharaoh's not that bad. I've had worse."

Seto and Ryou sweatdropped.

"Yeah, there was this one guy," Set went on, "a lion-tamer if I remember correctly, just don't ask me what his name was. Anyway, being a loin-tamer, he had a great body, just not much of a personality…"

"We don't need to hear about your love life!" Seto yelled.

"Well just choose someone then!" Set exclaimed. "Come on, everyone wants you to!"

"Actually, It's more like everyone wants to get with him," Ryou corrected.

Set raised an eyebrow. "Including you?"

"Umm…" Ryou said nervously.

Marik and Bakura walked by again, this time across the ceiling. Well, if there are in fact ceilings in theTwi…uh…this place…Bakura fell and landed in front of them with a thud.

THUD.

"Ow!" the tomb robber said, rubbing his head. "That hurt!" He then noticed everyone else. "Oh, hey guys. Wazzup?"

"We're stuck in the," Ryou began. "…well…I don't want to say it…"

"This realm of chaos," Set finished for him.

"Yeah, I've noticed," Bakura said dryly. "Hey, you look familiar…Set! High Priest Set!"

"Bakura the Tomb Robbber!" Set exclaimed. "It's been a while! I haven't seen you since-"

"-that one night on the Pharaoh's birthday!" Bakura finished.

"Night?" Ryou asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," Bakura said. "Well, you see, neither of us really wanted to go. Well, I did, but to ruin it, and Set here stopped me and somehow we ended up alone together-"

Ryou put his hand over Bakura's mouth. "We really don't need to hear any more."

"No," Seto agreed.

Marik, still on the 'ceiling,' started dancing to 'Spice Up Your Life' by the Spice Girls.

"Can you get us out of here?" Ryou asked.

"Yeah," Seto agreed. "Before any other odd flashback scenes." He shot Ryou a meaningful glance.

"Flashback scenes?" Bakura asked, lost.

"Yes," Seto went on bitterly. "Ryou had a very interesting one about you-"

Ryou tackled him before he got a chance to finish his sentence.

"Was it the one in bed?" Bakura asked.

Ryou nodded.

"Ah, good times. Good times."

"I suppose I should be jealous," Set said to Bakura.

"Are you?" Bakura asked.

"I'm not."

"Ouch."

"Could you get us out of here now?" Seto asked form under Ryou.

Bakura, who was watching Marik 'shake it,' nodded. "I think that'd be a good idea." He tapped into the Shadow Powers of his Millennium Ring and brought them back to Domino.

"I didn't know the Millennium Ring could do that," Ryou said.

Bakura shrugged. "Neither did I."

"What!" Ryou exclaimed. "You didn't know? We could have been killed or something if it didn't work!"

Bakura shrugged. "But it DID work," he pointed out.

Ryou sighed and gave up.

"What a wondrous city!" Set exclaimed, looking around at all the buildings/cars/people/ of the modern world. "Those structures! How do you people get them so tall? And look at those contraptions on wheels that move without the aid of animal power! And what is everyone wearing!"

Bakura looked at Set before asking Ryou, "Hn. Did I make that big of a deal out of everything when I first awoke in this era?"

Ryou thought for a moment, then took a tape with his name on it from Flashback Guy and put it on.

Flashback:

Younger Ryou looked at the strange pendant his father had brought him back form Egypt. "Wow, look at this cool pendant my dad brought me back from Egypt! I think he said it was called the Millennium Ring…But…It's not a ring…" He stared at the 'ring' for a moment. "Oh well! It's so shiny! But kinda dusty…" He rubbed his sleeve on the pendant, trying to get some of the dust off.

The Millennium Ring giggled. "Hehe! That tickles!"

Younger Ryou looked disturbed that a piece of metal was speaking to him.

The Millennium Ring began glowing.

All of a sudden, someone popped out of the Ring! He looked just like Ryou, except…more evil. Or maybe insane is a better word… "Wow! I was stuck in there for a long time!" Ryou's newly appeared look-a-like said, rubbing his arm. "My arm's asleep! AHHH!"

Younger Ryou jumped.

"What?" the spirit asked. "You've never seen the spirit of a tomb robber?"

Younger Ryou shook his head.

The spirit of the tomb robber shook his head in disbelief. "You poor deprived child…" He suddenly poked Ryou. "Hey, you look just like me!"

"…"

The tomb robber walked over to a window. "HOLY RA! HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN IN THAT THING! WHAT YEAR IS IT? WHY ARE THOSE PEOPLE DRESSED SO FUNNY! ARE THEY EVEN HUMAN! HAS THE WORLD FINALLY BEEN CONQUERED BY ALIENS!"

Younger Ryou shook his head sadly. "Why me?"

End of flashback. (This has been a product of the Flashback Company. All rights reserved. W3 w1ll 3n5l4v3 th3 hum4n r4c3 w1th 0ur 4rmy 0f ninj4 bunni3s. Bwahaha!)

Ryou shook his head. "No, you made a bigger deal out of things." He shook his head. "Drama queen," he muttered under his breath.

Raising an eyebrow, Bakura asked, "What was that last snide comment?"

"Nothing."

"Oh!" Seto exclaimed, poking Set's shoulder. "Hey! Look! Listen! Hey! Listen! Look!"

Everyone turned to Seto, to give him a very odd look.

Seto cleared his throat. "Urm, that's my building," he said to Set indifferently, pointing to Kaiba Corp's headquarters.

Set looked at Seto, admiration shining in his eyes. "Oh, you must be a great sorcerer indeed to have created a structure such as that!"

Puffing out his chest proudly, Seto waved a hand dismissively. "Yeah, I am pretty great. Come on. I'll show it to you!" Set was dragged off by his reincarnation towards Kaiba Corp.

"Seto!" Jonouchi called. "Wait for me!" The blond ran off after the twin brunettes.

Bakura looked after them strangely. "Come, Ryou!" he said suddenly. "We also must dash off somewhere!"

"Why?" Ryou asked.

Bakura shrugged. "Everyone else is doing it!"

Ryou also shrugged. "Ok, we can play some more Tetris!"

Bakura sweatdropped.

Marik, who until this moment was perfectly fine with being ignored after his little Spice Girls episode, also said, "Yeah, that's a good idea. I think I'll make like a tree and split. I mean, make like a banana and leaf. No. Wait, I mean…Oh, you know!"

"Oh no you don't!" Yami grabbed the back of Marik's shirt, accidentally strangling the Egyptian when he didn't stop walking.

"Whaaaaaaat?" Marik whined.

Yami only grinned evilly.

Now cowering, Marik asked fearfully, "What are you going to do to me?"

Still grinning madly, Yami replied, "I'm going to take you and Yugi…to the psychologist!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Marik screamed, attempting to dash off again.

"YEEEEES!" the Pharaoh screamed back, grabbing Marik's ear. "Ra knows we all need it."

Marik, powerless in the infamous ear-lock grip (Ishizu used it all the time on him), had no choice but to follow the Pharaoh and the still "Yo ho-ing" Yugi.

END

Well, that was a little longer than most of the other chapters. I think it was because of the shouts outz at the beginning. So I might not do them next time. Gah, I'm sooooo tired. That's what happens when you don't sleep, folks, and that's my tip o' the day!

What will Set see at Kaiba Corp? Is Ryou going to beat Bakura in another game of Tetris? Will the Phsychologist be able to help Marik and Yugi! (coughyeahrightcough) And has anyone wondered what happened to Honda and Otogi?

Honda: We were left out! Forgotten!

Otogi: (Weeping on Honda's shoulder) The humanity!

Yes, you poor boys. Don't worry; I'm sure you'll meet up with everyone else soon! I don't know how at the moment, but I'm sure it'll happen!

So until next time, everyone! Sleep well! I know I won't! (cries) It's too hard to catch those z's…(sigh)


	11. PSYCHOlogist

Quote of the Day: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. – Steven Wright

Sorry this update is so late! I've just been real busy! But the SATs are over, so the only big tests I have to worry about now are finals, which aren't for another month or now. Gah, sorry I' so Seto-centric too! I'll try to put him aside…This chapter has more Marik in it though!

One more thing I have to comment on. What _was _Random Dude about to say about Flashback Guy before he "died"!

Random Dude: O.O Nothing…

Uh huh…That's not what I think…

Random Dude: …Shut up! You know nothing, fool!

Uh….Ooook….On with the madness!

**-Chapter 11: To the Psychologist We Shall Go!-**

And so Yami dragged Yugi and Marik to the psychiatrist. How did he find a psychiatrist so fast? Well, he followed the neon signs, of course!

"Look!" Yami cried. "This conveniently placed neon sign says 'This way to the psychologist's office!'"

"Wow, convenient…" Marik said.

"Yo ho," Yugi agreed with a deranged grin.

Up ahead, lay a brightly colored building with an especially large neaon sign that read in blinking letters, "PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE!" The three went in and waiting in the waiting room. Marik picked up a copy of a _Where's Waldo_ book. Yugi sat grinning, making all the other people in the room leave, afraid of the psycho. Yami sat staring at a very interesting wall.

Meanwhile, in the office, the psychologist, Psychologist Dude, sat finishing up with another patient.

"So," he said to the person lying on the couch. "Tell me your problem, Mr…" He paused and flipped through some papers. "Mr. Random Dude." He paused again, staring at the name on the papers. "Dude? Are we related?"

Random Dude, who in fact was not related to Psychologist Dude, sighed and put an arm across his eyes. "No, I don't think so. It's a very common name."

Psychologist Dude nodded. "That it is. Now please continue."

"Well, you see," he began, "I'm just a two-dimensional filler character, forced to play roles that are too small for the big-shot Yu-Gi-Oh characters. I mean, heaven forbid someone like Seto Kaiba got cast as a person that gets a PS2 dropped on his head," he said sarcastically. "Couldn't they have gotten some two-dimensional filler character from their own show! Like Weevil or Rex!"

Still scribbling in his notebook, Psychologist Dude replied, "Budget wouldn't allow it. You were all we could afford."

"I'm not even getting paid!"

Psychologist Dude nodded. "Exactly."

"I don't even have a proper name!"

The scribbling stopped for a short moment. "Hey, does Psychologist Dude sound any more decent?"

Random Dude paused. "Good point…"

"Mhm." The scribbling picked up again.

"It's not fair!" Random Dude jumped up from the sofa. "We should resist! Fight for filler character rights! We can cure this boil on the face of fanfictiondom! Freedom! FREEDOM!"

"Using crazy words such as 'Fanfictiondom,'" Psychologist Dude mumbled. "Five exclamation marks."

Random Dude stormed over. "What are you writing?"

"Tell me more," Psychologist Dude said, smoothly changing the subject.

"Well, there's Flashback Guy who gets all the better parts!" Random Dude ranted. "Everyone thinks he's so much better than me just because he has a hat and a horse! Not even a horse! A fat little pony! Stupid Flashback Guy…Trying to play the dashing cowboy. Dash this, pony-boy!"

Psychologist Dude raised an eyebrow. "Do you have _feelings_ for this Flashback Guy?"

"What are you writing?" Random Dude asked, changing the subject back.

"That's classified information."

Random Dude reached for the notebook. "Lemme see."

"No!"

"Come on! Give it up!"

Psychologist looked at his watch, even though he wasn't wearing a watch. "I'm sorry time's up. That's it for your session today."

"But I still have forty minutes!"

"Yup, ok," Psychologist Dude said as he began pushing a protesting Random Dude out the door. "See you next Wednesday."

Random Dude, who was clawing at the door frame to prevent from being pushed out, yelled, "But I'm unstable! That's why I came here! If you don't help me…who knows what I'll do! What if I do something crazy like…like…like…Going to the zoo and dancing with the lions…In a tutu!"

Finially pushing Random Dude out of his office, Psychiatrist Dude, who wasn't listening anymore, said, "Sounds great. Bye then!" With that, he shut the door.

Random Dude crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "…I have to do all these dangerous jobs and I don't even get paid…" He sighed and shrugged. "Oh well, lions here I come!"

Meanwhile, back out in the waiting room…

"Yo ho!" Yugi cried, the usual grin still plastered on his face.

Yami sighed.

"Stupid book," Marik mumbled. "I can't find Waldo, Ra damn it! Curse you! A curse upon you and your family! May the sands of Egypt consume you!" He then stabbed the book with his Millennium Rod.

Yami sweatdropped.

Just then, two more patients walked in.

"Ryou? Bakura? What are you doing here?" Yami asked. "Well, on second thought, Bakura I can understand."

Bakura only glared at the Pharaoh.

"Yes, I love you too, tomb robber."

Bakura stared and his mouth hung open slightly.

"No!" Yami cried. "Not like that! I was being sarcastic! Sarcasm!"

Bakura breathed a sigh of relief.

"Anyway," Yami continued, "Ryou, what are you doing here? I thought you were the most normal out of all of us."

"I live with a 3,000 year old ancient Egyptian tomb robber who used to live in the Millennium Ring and possess my body," Ryou stated flatly. "A _psychotic_ tomb robber at that. Does that sound normal to you?"

Yami: Ryou, take a look at the people around you.

And so he did. A midget with a hair-do that looked like a mutated hedgehog who couldn't stop saying "Yo ho." The spirit of an ancient Pharaoh who was obsessed with saving the world and had hair just as bad as the midget's. Formerly mentioned psychotic tomb robber. An Egyptian wearing a lavender bellyshirt hoodie wearing way too much gold jewelry, currently petting and mumbling to the Millennium Rod. Wow.

"Yup, you're right. I am the most normal out of all of you."

Yami nodded. "So, why are you here? Finally decided to take my advice and send the tomb robber to the funny farm?"

Bakura gasped. "_You_ gave him that idea? Ra, he nearly did it!"

"Hmmm, but I thought your precious little hikari would never do such a thing. You're always going on about how _pure_ and _innocent_ he is."

"Well my hikari could kick your hikari's butt," the tomb robber grumbled.

"No way!" Yami argued.

"We already covered this in a previous chapter, Pharaoh. My hikari _did_ kick your hikari's butt."

"Oh damn. So, what'd you do?"

"Well…You see…" Ryou stammered. "We kind of…That is…My father…"

"His dad caught us making out on the couch," Bakura translated.

"Uh…yeah…" Ryou said with a blush.

"That's it?" Yami asked.

"Well, my father would be classified as a normal person."

Yami then tried to imagine himself as a normal person in Ryou's scenario. "Oh. Yes. I suppose you and your look-alike making out would prove rather disturbing to the normal eye."

Ryou nodded.

"Well," Yami said, "we're all waiting, so pull up a chair."

Marik angrily handed the _Where's Waldo _book to Ryou. "FIND HIM!"

Ryou sweatdropped.

Just then, Random Dude walked out of the physiologist's office.

"Hey, Random Dude!" Bakura called happily. "What's up!"

Pointing an accusing finger at Bakura, Random Dude cried, "It's _your_ fault I'm here! I wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't thrown that stupid PS2 on my head! I wouldn't be in this stupid psychologist's office and I wouldn't have met stupid Flashback Guy…! Now I must go! The zoo awaits! And I have to find a place where I can rent a tutu…" He trailed off and wandered away.

Everyone sweatdropped.

Suddenly, a voice drifted out of the open door to the office:

"Next!"

…………………………………………………………………

We've interrupted your regularly scheduled chapter of Marik's Boring Day, to bring you a random moment with Honda and Otogi.

"All I'm saying is dice really aren't that cool!" Honda said, stuffing another French fry into his mouth. Apparently, they had made up after that whole little incident with Ishizu in Chapter 7.

"Come on. Dice are so cool." Otogi argued, taking a sip of soda. "They're like, chick magnets."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Totally."

Honda sighed.

"What?"

"…Nothing."

Otogi leaned forward and placed his chin on folded hands. "I know something's wrong. What is it?"

"Well, the last chapter we were in was seven. Seven! And right now we're acting out of character. In seven, we were all over each other! And before that, you were chasing me. But, just sitting here, I feel so…useless…"

"Heh. At least we're getting paid. Unlike that Random Dude."

"Yeah, he's pretty weird. I mean, Flashback Dude and Psychologist Guy are getting paid. Even Drumstick, y'know, the fat little pony, is getting paid! But Random Dude? I think he just kinda wandered onto the set."

As Honda and Otogi were having their conversation, Random Dude was running down the street in a pink tu tu, being chased by a menagerie of zoo animals.

"Yeah," Otogi agreed. "He is weird. Wanna go to a movie?"

Honda shrugged. "Ok." So the two left the restaurant, hand in hand.

………………………………………………………….

So they all filed into the small office…

"Everybody, yeah,

Rock your body, yeah,

Everybody,

Rock your body right!

Backstreet's back, alright!"

Yes, our heroes walked into the office to see their psychologist dancing like a fool and singing "Backstreet's Back!" at the top of his lungs.

"Now throw your hands up in the air," he sang, doing so. "And wave 'em around like you just don't care! If you wanna party let me hear you yell! Cuz we've got it going on again"

Yami cleared his throat. "Um, are you the phychologist?"

Psychiatrist Dude stopped dancing and kicked his cd player, effectively shutting the music off. "That's what my college degree says!"

"He's more like a PSYCHOlogist…" Marik muttered.

"Well then you should get along with him fine, Ishtar!" Bakura said cheerily.

"So should you!"

Bakura sniffed. "I don't associate with people who sing the Backstreet Boys."

"Everybody!" Ryou sang. "Backstreet's back, alright!"

Bakura sweatdropped.

"YO HO!" Yugi agreed.

At that moment, Malik, that is, Marik's yami, decided to burst into the room. "Hey, doc!" he called. "Is it time for my appointment yet?"

"Malik!" Marik cried.

"Marik!" Malik cried back.

Psychiatrist Dude shook his head vigorously, looked at the two again, then rubbed his eyes just to be sure. "Whoa, seeing double…Too much sugar does that to ya, ya know."

"What are you doing here, hikari?" Malik asked.

"Pharaoh made me come," he replied with a pout.

"Awww, Want me to kill 'im?"

"Maybe later."

Malik shrugged. "'k! I'll just be going then. Later days, d00ds!" He then jumped out the closest window, which was a good three stories from the ground outside.

There was a crash, the skid of tires, the sound of breaking glass, a few screams (for dramatic effects), and a great deal of cursing, followed by a very fatal sounding splat.

Malik stook up and shook his head. "Ow! I'm ok!" the others heard him call up. "Hey, look, an overturned truck! What's that say on the side? 'Billy Bob's Cattle Transportation'? Huh?"

The sound of a breaking gate and a stampede of hooves.

"AHHH! NO!" Malik cried. "RABID COWS! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY HAMBURGERS ON HOOVES! HEEEELP!" He ran away, forgetting that for some odd and unknown twisted reason he could fly.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Well, that's Malik for ya," Marik said with a good natured chuckle.

Psychologist Dude nodded. "He's certainly an odd one." Psychologist Dude was also wearing mismatching pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers. "Now, who'll be first?"

"Yugi!" Yami shouted, pushing his hikari onto the ever present psychologist office leather couch. "See what you make of him, psycho-man."

"That Psycho-logist," Psychologist Dude muttered.

"Whatever," Yami muttered back. "Just cure him!"

"Right," Psychologist Dude said, turning to Yugi. "Talk to me, Yugi."

"Yo ho!" Yugi said with his scary little grin.

Psychologist Dude started scribbling in his notebook. "Uh huh. And?"

"Yo ho!" Yugi continued.

Scribbling more, Psychologist Dude nodded. "Could you explain it again, with more detail this time?"

"Yo…ho!"

Still scribbling, Psychologist Dude said, "Well, I think I've heard enough. Yugi is perfectly sane."

Everyone sweatdropped.

Yami sweatdropped twice. "But…He's…and…With the 'yo ho'…and the…"

Psychologist Dude shook his head. "Now, now, Yami, you'll get your turn. Let's give someone else a turn. Who wants to go next?"

"ME! ME!" Marik shouted.

Psychologist Dude looked around the room. "Anyone?"

Marik started waving his arms in the air. "PICK ME! ME! ME!"

"No one?"

Marik stood up and started jumping on the sofa. "ME! ME! Oh! OH! PICK ME! PICK ME! FOR THE LOVE OF RA, PICK ME! PLEASE? PU-LEEEEEEEEEZE! PICK MEEEEEEE!"

Psychologist Dude sighed. "Well, ok, I guess I'll just have to pick someone myself."

Marik retreated defeated back to the door.

"Hmmm…." Psychologist Dude pondered. "How about…You? Yes, you. The tan one. Yeah, you with the purple shirt."

Marik squealed in delight and jumped onto the couch. "By the way, it's lavender."

Psychologist Dude shrugged. "Whatever." He then turned to a new page in his notebook. "Ok. Speak your mind."

"Uhhh…What do I say?"

"Whatever's on your mind."

Marik frowned. "Umm…ok. Well, today, I woke up, and I was really bored. I mean REALLY bored. So I went outside. And all this weird stuff happened. And I had the mighty Seto Kaiba under my control!"

Psychologist Dude snapped his fingers. "That reminds me!" He pushed the intercom button on his desk. "Ummm…" he said, as he momentarily forgot his secretary's name. "Bob!"

"It's Janis," the obviously feminine, if flat voice of the secretary came from over the intercom.

Psychologist Dude nodded. "Right! I knew that! I was just…testing you! To see if you…umm…forgot!"

Janis sighed. "What do you want, sir?"

"Phone Mr. Kaiba. Tell him his appointment's today at two sharp."

"It's two now, sir."

"Oh…well…Call him now!"

Janis sighed even harder. "Yes, sir."

Psychologist Dude scribbled in his notebook. "Right, not to self: Get a less snippy secretary. Tell me more, Marik."

"I heard that sir."

Psychologist Dude winced and turned off the intercom. "Note to self: Remember to turn off intercom when talking about the secretary behind her back. Ok, go, Marik!"

"Right," Marik continued, "well, then things just got out of control. Noa came back from cyber-space and Pegasus was riding a giant blueberry muffin…And then we went to Egypt…And met Ra. Yes, the Sun God Ra. And we went to the Twilight Zone (dodododo dodododo). And that's been my day so far."

"Right." He finished writing intently in notebook. "You're fine. Next?"

…………………………………………………………………

Please excuse the interruption. We now bring you an important announcement from Random Dude.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!"

Poor Random Dude was still being chased down the street by the rampaging zoo animals.

"HELP! HELP!" _I'm gonna die!_ Random Dude thought over and over again and he thundered down the street, trying to keep a few steps ahead of the animals behind him. _Why's I have to take this job? Why don't I have a stunt double!_

Suddenly, he heard the sound of hooves against pavement!

Well, that was understandable. He _was _being chased by zoo animals. Maybe it was one of the zebras…

No! Ot wasn't! It was different! Familiar! Like…Like…Flashback Guy?

"Grab my hand!" Flashback Guy, atop Drumsticks, shouted, coming up beside Random Dude. Wow, talk about good timing. Random Dude made a flying leap at the galloping pony and miraculously managed to grab Flashback Guy's hand. The cowboy pulled him up and they galloped away from the angry mob of animals.

A few blocks away, Flashback Guy stopped and helped Random Dude off the pony.

"Thanks," Random Dude said shakily.

Flashback Guy grinned. "No problem, ballerina-boy."

Random Dude looked down at the tu tu. "It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you someday."

Flashback Guy nodded. "Only if I'm lucky." He looked up at the sky. "I should be getting back now, I guess. We've been really busy all day, y'know." He smiled softly, then mounted Drumsticks. "Later."

"Wait!"

Flashback Guy turned around in the saddle.

"I…er…What I mean is…How'd you know I was in trouble?"

The cowboy looked down and shrugged. "I just had this feeling, y'know?" He looked Random Dude in the eye and grinned. "Take care, Random Dude. Don't get into anymore trouble until I'm around to save you." He winked and rode off, leaving a very red in the face Random Dude wondering how exactly Flashback Guy could make him blush.

Also wondering where to find a normal pair of clothes….

…………………………………………………………………

Yami was shocked. "But…"

"I said next, damnit!"

Bakura sat on the couch, pulling Ryou onto his lap. "Hikari's father caught us making-out on the couch-"

Psychologist Dude put a hand up. "Don't need to hear that! You're both fine! Next!" He looked pointedly at Yami.

Yami jumped. "Me? But, I don't need to talk! I'm not insane!"

"I'll be the one to decide that," Psychology Dude mumbled. "Sit down and tell me about yourself."

"Ok…" Yami hesitantly sat down. "Well, I'm the 3,000 year old spirit of an Egyptian Pharaoh…"

Psychologist Dude frowned as he scribbled in his note book.

"And…Hey, what are you writing?"

"Nothing."

Yami stood up and walked over to the psychologist. "Come on, show me!"

Psychologist Dude closed the notebook. "No!"

Frowning, Yami shrugged and turned away. "Ok, fine." Once Psychologist Dude relaxed a bit, Yami turned around and tackled him. "GIMME!" He wrestled the notebook from Psychologist Dude. A coloring book fell out. Yami looked at Psychologist Dude, puzzled, and flipped to the page the doctor had been scribbling on. "A picture of…a bunny?"

Psychologist Dude beamed proudly. "I colored it all prettyful!"

Bakura snatched the notebook from the Pharaoh. "He colored outside of the lines…"

"It's a five year old's coloring book!" Ryou said, shocked.

"Really?" Marik asked. "Gimme!" He grabbed the coloring book from Bakura. "Mwahaha! Now I shall be the one to color the farm animals!"

"Yo ho!" Yugi shouted.

Psychologist Dude nodded. "I agree!" He jumped up on the window sill. "Look! I can fly! I'm like a bird! I wanna fly awayyy!" He lost his balance and fell into traffic. The heard of rabid cows came back and chased him all the way to Antarctica, where they visited with the penguins before going back to Domino for a dinner of spicy calamari. Rhode Island style.

Yami sweatdropped. "Let's go."

Marik shook his head. "Hold on, I'm coloring…"

END

Ok, that's it for now, kiddos. Next time, we visit Kaiba Corp and see how Seto (did you notice he wasn't in this chapter?), Set, and Jou are doing! And, a special guest! Well, a replacement, actually…And what are Bakura and Marik planning? Why? You'll have to check it out next time to find out! I promise, I'll try to make it sooner than two months!


	12. The Shiny Red Button of DOOM!

Quote of the day: Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? - George Carlin

W00t! Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! But I do 0wnz RD, FG, and Drumsticks! Ha! How ya like them apples?

Recap: Psychologist Dude jumped out a window, everyone's still crazy, and Marik's coloring farm animals. I think it's time to see what Kaiba and the others are up to…

**Chapter 12: The Shiny Red Button of DOOM!**

Kaiba Corporation's main tower gleamed in the late afternoon sunlight, looking very much like some giant syringe about to draw blood form the sky. Which is impossible, because the sky doesn't bleed. And if Kaiba Corp tower was a syringe about to stab the sky, bad stuff would follow, because it would put a hole in the atmosphere and all the oxygen would be sucked out off of the planet and everyone would die. But that's not important, not at the moment anyway.

Inside this gleaming skyscraper, Seto Kaiba, his past self, and Jonouchi were steadily making their way up to the top of the building, Seto and Jonouchi sweatdropping because Set, this being his first time in an elevator, had pushed _all_ the buttons and as a result, they were stopping at every floor.

Bob, a lowly desk clerk, pushed the elevator button on the 101st floor, needing very much to get back to his office on the 120th floor of the billion story building. The button lit up, and the steel doors slid open, revealing the most terrifying sight the clerk had ever seen.

There were _two_ Seto Kaibas, one dressed in a strange outfit and wearing a skirt and an expression of bewildered wonderment, the other in the trademark gravity-defying trench coat with a glare on his face. The fact that there were two Kaibas didn't even faze Bob. Kaiba's icy glare was directed at _him_.

Bob did what any sane person would do whilst that bone chilling glare was directed at them. He dropped his briefcase and ran for his life.

The rest of the ride to the top went very much the same, Kaiba's glare scaring other people away, and Jonouchi quickly shutting the doors as the people fled and keeping Set still so the Egyptian didn't do anything else to rile the already riled CEO.

Finally, they reached the top floor and the elevator doors slid open, allowing the three to spill into the hall beyond. Well, the only one who literally spilled was Set, who had gotten elevator-sick and had fallen out of the machine to the floor. Seto and Jonouchi only walked out.

"Well, here we are," Seto said unenthusiastically.

Set leapt to his feet immediately. "This is it?" he asked excitedly. "Oh wow! What's this! And that machine? Does it run on magic? And – Ohhhhh! What's this? Can I eat it?"

"That's a copy machine," Seto listed off in a dull voice. "And a telephone. And no, you cannot eat the stapler."

At this last reply, a man jumped out from a random cubicle and grabbed the stapler, holding it possessively to his chest. "If you keep taking my stapler, I'll burn the building down!" With that he and the stapler disappeared back into the maze of cubicles.

"Wow," Jonouchi said, watching as the strange little man disappeared. "What a nutcase." He turned to Kaiba and grinned. "Like you, Kaiba!"

Seto sweatdropped. "I am not a nutcase," he muttered, wondering why Jonouchi had reverted to calling him Kaiba.

Set's question of, "What's this big red shiny button do?" stopped his dwelling immediately. "NOOOO!" Seto called, pushing Set's outstretched finger from the button. "You can never push that button! EVER!"

"See?" Jonouchi muttered to no one in particular. "Nutcase."

Seto sweatdropped and ignored him. "Set," he said calmly. "You can never push that button."

Set looked at him curiously. "Why not, oh future self?"

"Well," Seto began, "because-" The sound of a phone ringing cut him off. "Nameless secretary!" he called. "Get that!"

The secretary, whose name was Jenny and she hated her job because her real passion was police duty but she couldn't become a real officer because she flunked police school and got stuck in this dead-end desk job at Kaiba Corp to pay the bills, ignored the "nameless secretary bit and answered the phone.

"Kaiba Corp, how may I help you?" she said with false cheerfulness into the phone. "Yes. Oh, I see. But it's 2:00 now. Yes, of course. I'll tell him right away." With that, she hung up. "Sir? That was your psychologist. Your appointment starts now."

"Curses!" Seto said angrily. "I knew I forgot something!"

Jonouchi snorted. "You have a psychologist? I knew you were a nutcase!"

"Running a billion dollar company can be very stressful," Seto said calmly. "Especially if you're as young as I am and have had a troubled childhood. I only go to the psychologist to find other ways to vent my stress and anger." He then muttered to himself, "Other that running around the building on a tricycle whilst shooting people with paint guns and laughing maniacally…"

Jonouchi frowned, not having caught that last part. "What was that last part?"

"Nothing," Seto said innocently.

"Nutcase," Jonouchi muttered.

"What was that?" Seto demanded.

"Nothing," Jonouchi replied.

"Mutt."

"Richboy."

"Barking Chihuahua."

"Moneybags!"

"Third-rate duelist!"

"I'ma beat you, Kaiba!"

While Seto and Jonouchi were arguing, Set had once again fallen under the spell of the shiny red button.

"Button…" he said. Then, as if hypnotized, he slowly reached out and pushed said button.

"NOOOOO!" Seto shrieked as alarms began going off and a general feeling of chaos settled over the area. "Look what you've done!"

Set blinked. "Uhhh…What exactly have I done?"

"You pushed the self-destruct button!"

"A self-destruct button?" Jou burst out. "Why the hell would anyone put a self-destruct button in their company HQ!"

"It was Mokuba's idea…" Seto said defensively.

"Oh, sure, blame the kid…"

"The idea of spies in the form of ninja bunnies sent by the Egyptian government infiltrating my company to steal my technology is a very conceivable one!"

"Uhhh…Guys? Shouldn't we be getting out of here?" Set asked nervously.

Jou: How! Kaiba, do you have any secret doors or anything?

Kaiba: No.

Jou: We're all gonna die!

Kaiba: No, we won't. I can get us out. It won't be easy, but it should work…

While Kaiba explains his inconceivably elaborate plan that wouldn't really work in real life, let's go check on Yami and the others!

Yami sweatdropped as he took another look around the psychologist's office. Yugi was sitting with a slightly glazed look in his eyes and that stupid grin plastered on his face. A small tendril of drool was making its was from the corner of his mouth. Bakura and Ryou were making out again. Marik was still coloring.

"Let's go find Seto!" the deathly bored Pharaoh suggested.

"Yo ho…" Yugi accused.

Yami blushed fiercely. "That is NOT true!"

Bakura and Ryou continued making out.

Marik giggled with pleasure. "Ha! This is SO better that _Where's Waldo_…"

Ok! Back to Seto's plan!

The three were standing in front of a pile of ashes and rubble.

"I can't believe that worked…" Jou said breathlessly. "Who woulda thought? With just a stapler and a piece of string…I'm amazed."

Set nodded "As am I. I've never seen ANYTHING like that…"

Oops…I guess we missed it…

Seto said nothing, only stood in front of what was once his billion dollar empire looking very sad indeed.

Hanging his head, Set approached his reincarnation, eyes downcast. "I am sorry. It was I who destroyed your company when I fell under the spell of the red shiny button." He shook his fist. "Curse you, shiny button of doom!" He lowered his head in shame. "Forgive me."

Just then Seto turned to him, all traces of sadness gone. "Tch. No big deal. I can have another one built by tomorrow. I'm Seto Kaiba, remember?" His trench coat flared out importantly, despite the fact that there was no wind.

Set and Jou sweatdropped.

Yami chose that moment to suddenly appear, as if through a - a what, you might ask? Why, a plot hole, of course! – followed by Bakura and Ryou, who were holding hands, Yugi, who still had eyes as wide as a glazed donut, and Marik, who still had a handful of crayons and that coloring book.

The Pharaoh reacted with all the grace and suitability of his royal position. "SETO!" he yelled as he tackled the CEO in a glomp. It was then he noticed the ruin before them. "What happened?" he asked, eyes wide.

Seto, who was currently counting the pretty stars flying around his head, replied dazedly, "Ugh…My past-self blew up my building."

"Oh…"

All of a sudden, Flashback Guy galloped into the scene in a cloud of dust and glory.

Marik snorted. "Ok, what are you doing here?"

Flashback Guy tilted his hat to the Egyptian. "To give you an art award for your picture of the farmyard chickens!" With that said, he handed Marik a big shiny trophy.

Wiping a stray tear from his eye, Marik gasped, "I'm so proud!" before grabbing the trophy from the cowboy's hands.

"Farmyard chickens?" Seto asked, completely lost.

"Psychology Dude's coloring book," Yami filled in.

Amazed, Seto asked, "He let Marik have it?"

"Actually, he jumped out a window and died, so Marik just kinda took it."

"Oh…" A pause. "Guess I should cancel my appointment…"

Yami sweatdropped.

"So just why are you here?" Bakura asked very antagonisticly, getting all up in Flashback Guy's face.

Flashback Guy pushed his face back down. "Well, I've come to take Set back to the past."

"What?" Set asked, alarmed. "But I like it here!"

"Yeah," Flashback Guy agreed, "but if you stay here too long, you'll fade away to nothingness…"

Set's eyes went wide. "Well, it's been fun guys, but I gotta go!" He jumped up onto Drumsticks and impatiently waited for Flashback Guy to get going.

"Bye Set!" Seto called, waving.

"We'll miss you, you nutcase reincarnate!" Jou said, earning a glare from both past and present Seto.

"Yeah, yeah, later priest-man," Marik said absentmindedly, polishing his trophy.

Flashback Guy nodded. "Yeah, yeah, but the Flashback Department gave me another character to add to you guys to spice things up a bit." With that, he reached into a saddlebag and pulled out…

Everyone stopped and screamed at who he pulled out.

END

YAY! I got the next chapter up! Finally! YAAAAY! Yeah, I didn't get any fanfics done over the summer…Too busy I guess. Hopefully my updates will be sooner now, but I can't make any promises!

Next chapter! The secret character is revealed and all hell breaks loose! Literally…


End file.
